Hielitos de Leche Condensada

May 12, 2024

Lately I’ve had a lot of very interesting dreams but just haven’t had the time to write them down.  Today I felt I had another that was asking for my time.  Maybe because it’s mother’s day.  In the dream, I am needing to travel to an appointment.  It feels like it might be a doctor’s appointment as there is something in me that needs care, corrections or an adjustment of sorts.  I seem to be in need of a remedy.  I’m deciding what is the logical and best method for getting to my destination after work.  What mode of transportation will facilitate my travel plans best.  I seem to have telepathic awareness of the doctor’s plans time tables and availability to see me and when I am scheduled to arrive.  There is an associate with me who will travel with me.  He needs to go in the same direction so I decide the best option for me is to drive my car this way just in case my associate needs a lift home from there I would be well equipped to offer my assistance and vehicle to get him there.

I’m getting ready to leave work.  I stand up and vacate my desk chair.  Someone attempts to sit in my chair.  I quickly respond with, “No sorry that chair is occupied.”  I explain I will be returning to my desk.  The desk chair has a bit of poop on it from where I sat so I’m sure they wouldn’t want to sit in my poop.  This part of the dream strikes me as being odd, why would there be poop on my desk chair?  Another part of me discounts this odd scenario and thinks to himself what an incredibly good way to save your seat. 

I drive with my associate to the doctor’s appointment.  It is located in an industrial area that is quite remote.  There is plenty of parking in this area so I shouldn’t have any difficulty finding parking.  The doctor calls me to check in with me and determine if I am needing any help.  I tell him I am just about to arrive. 

He tells me I am close enough or within reach and proceeds to give me the remedy to start familiarizing myself with it.  Awesome I think to myself.  How efficient is that?  Wow.  The remedy arrives and it is an ice tray with ice milk.  The color of the cubes and sweet smell of the milk reminds me of Borden’s Sweetened Condensed Milk.  I have flashbacks of when my mom used to use it in recipes.  She would always let me lick the spoon. 

When I finally arrive at the doctor’s office.  I still need to be told how the remedy is intended to be administered. I feel very close to this doctor he feels like an old friend.  We have a very close familial relationship.  He guides me to where the real essence is the exact nature of the remedy to help explain how it works and what effects it will have. 

As I look around, we are now within an ancient archeological site.  I can see the large stones with which the site was built.  I notice many of the stones are solid gold.  There are many distinct sections as if they repeat.  Within each is a stone sculpture of the family who visited before me for whom the monument was dedicated.  Each distinct section has a its own sculpture with each family being what distinguishes the section, otherwise, they would be identical. It seems to be a remembrance, an honoring of the past.  It also validates, I have arrived at the right destination and certifies the remedy as being perfectly aligned to the need for which I am here. 

The Homeless Insect of Change

December 20, 2023

In last night’s dream, I am visited by a homeless man. At first when I woke up, I didn’t remember very much about the dream. It wasn’t until I sat down to record it that more details came flooding in. Looking at it now, it is chalked full of layers of meaning. This homeless man shows up at my house and for some reason, I allow him in just to talk to him and see what he is about maybe just a desire to satisfy my curiosity. I am worried the man, being homeless, might steal something from me. I am somewhat apprehensive of his intentions. I had built a cage to house my animals, since the cage is big enough to accommodate a human, I decide to house the man in there while I’m not home. This is an attempt to safeguard my possessions from the homeless man.

The first day I put him in the cage and when I return in the evening he is no longer in the cage. He managed to free himself. I knew the cage would not be enough to contain him and he would figure out how to escape. He seems to have abilities far beyond what I am able to comprehend. I don’t have the ability to measure his aptitude for being creative in his solutions. There is so much I don’t know about him. I seem to focus on my fears and negative aspects of what might happen and how he might harm me and if he has ill will or has nefarious intentions, how would I protect myself?

I decide to put a more advanced technological lock on the cage. But as I examine the new lock, I come to the conclusion that he will be able to surpass this lock as well. I decide then to simply trust him. At this point, he opens up to me and he shows me all the money he has in his possession. I want to know how in the world has he managed to acquire all this money and why he still presents as a homeless person. I ask him bluntly if he is stealing to which he confides in me saying he is not from this world and his abilities are beyond this world. This is how he manages to maintain an edge. What he wants and needs simply comes to him. I think to myself, maybe this would be a good relationship to nurture, maybe I can learn from him. But then on the flip side I think to myself, what if my benefiting from the rules and methods he lives by would be viewed as unfair or illegal in my world. I decide to keep him close after all he is living with me. I decide to allow him more space and freedom in my house because obviously he is not going to steal from me because he doesn’t need anything I have that he cannot acquire on his own.

As my trust in him increases he too confines in me telling me more about where he comes from. He tells me about missions his people are making. He tells me there is a scheduled event that will happen. When the event does happen, I already have a well-established house. The perimeter of my house is well fortified and reinforced. At the time of the event a lot more people like him appear in society, in neighborhoods all around the world. They come in unnoticed. The are to us like insects. We are so oblivious to them. We don’t care about them. Just like the homeless we see them but don’t care about them we simply dismiss them. The world is now full of these homeless people who appear like as insects to us. We disregard them.

These homeless people their vibration is rising. Their wings fluttering and many legs walking fast and moving about create a vibrational tone. Their collective vibration affects our environment. Even though we dismiss them, their effect on us is more profound. We simply don’t have the consciousness to pick up on the change. I can see it happening all around me outside of my house. It is destroying the fabric of our society. It is tearing down the walls we erect to protect ourselves.

It turns out he is my personal little insect. And by me allowing him into my world and allowing his vibration to affect me he has opened up my awareness. What I see and perceive is the devastation of humanity as we know it, our understanding of what we hold true, all we accept as reality crumbles.

I see him coming toward my property. Everything around me has come crashing down. My fortified house is the only thing standing because of the time I spent fixing things and making repairs. All the time I spent with him; I have managed to build up my house.

He now sits on the perimeter of my property and begins to tear down my walls. At this point, I want to preserve what I have. I decide my only choice is to confront him since I have built a relationship with him, I feel I have a place on which to stand. I want him to look me in the eye before he devores my house. I want to know why he is doing this. After all he has been living with me. I decide this is no time to fear. This is a time when I must merge with his influence. Merge in the sense that I must face him off be changed by him or have him see what my effect is on him. We must come to a compromise on the Yin/Yang. We must find the balance in nature, Humans/Insects/Trees/Animals where is our balance.

I go and deliberately sit on the wall. We are face to face. I can now see the affect I have on him. My effect comes in a different form than his. My effect is through trust, openness, willingness, surrender, all those things I’ve had to do to welcome him to make space in my house. Freedom to be. Willingness to look at life differently and grow in my awareness. I am able to maintain my sense of self awareness and yet also my collective awareness of everything else in space and time. Everything that is happening around me I can see. The whole of what is self with its boundaries and everything outside of me is a collection of others who also have their own boundaries, homes insects and nature.

Now face to face with him, I am allowed to go beyond myself. I am allowed to walk into the neighborhoods outside of myself. I see metro stations, stores, homes I can see all the devastation and transformation that has happened. I see in some places there are police who are an authoritative entity on patrol who are responsible for order but not order as I was taught to see it. It is order unknown to me from my perspective. It is order beyond my comprehension. Those two orders are coming into oneness but they still have another phase of merging of understanding. As the mass of this transformative state, this collective vibration is nearing its climax, there is a moment of complete stillness when everything stops. It’s the point of contact. I stand still wondering what happens next. The insects have not stopped only the people.

There comes a moment when I need to decide am I among the stopped or am I still able to move. I have to look at myself. For a little bit I hold still to see what is about to happen. I observe. I allow myself a moment to be still and maybe be unnoticed. I think to myself, if I still have the ability to move then I should be true to myself and move. If I choose to stand still, then it is a choice to stand still. I therefore move and walk toward a line of patrol people. They are standing on an upper deck. I think there is some change happening to them as well. We are interconnected. They are experiencing this for the first time also. This is now a choice for them on how they should respond to my movement. One of the patrol people waves at me directing me to come closer. I walk toward him but instead of going up the stairs I rotate myself a full circle clockwise. This is my response to his request and direction to come close. I come full circle.

I don’t know what happens after this. I believe I woke up or the dream ended.

I’m including a link to the original recording of the dream since i want to preserve the original version.

The Book: Ecstasy of Life

November 18, 2023

This dream seems to be a continuation of the dream I had the previous night which I haven’t journaled yet. I find myself in the kitchen in my house, and I put a pan on the stove to boil water. I walk away from the boiling water because I have a pressing need to write my book. I am developing the stories in the book. I walk upstairs to find a quiet place to sit and write.

I return sometime later. It feels like a great amount of time has passed. I am again in the kitchen and the pot of water is completely dried out. I am upset, concerned they could have burned the house down by neglecting the pot of water. It then occurs to me that I was the one who left the pan to burn on the stove, but I am in the middle of emphasizing a critical lesson on protecting the home.

It appears all the guests in my house already know about the book even before I’ve completed it. They are talking about the scenes in the book that are possibly explicit and push the boundaries of an R rated book. I feel they are taking things out of context and reading between the lines and weaving in their own interpretations of the book.

I am then given handed leather-bound book. By giving me this book, they are showing me what they know about my writing. This is apparently the completed book. I open the book thinking someone stole my story because I have yet to finish it. I open the book and begin reading. The book is written in Spanish. It is factual the details are correct but told out of sequence. I become semi lucid at this point realizing something very unusual is happening. How is it I am able to read and understand the story written in the book if I’m dreaming. Normally I am unable to make sense of written words in dreams. I can see it is clearly in Spanish. The binding, images and detail in the book is absolutely beautiful. It starts off by reciting a contract between myself and my best friend to do what is described in the pages of the book. Knowing the dream can end at any moment I read as quickly as possible. I am captivated by some symbols in the first few pages. At that moment, I hear my son Oliver ask me if I’m awake. I open my eyes to see him looking at me smiling. Yes, Oliver I am awake. I wasn’t able to finish the reading the story, so I’ll just have to live it.

The Family Tree; Flesh for Fantasy

November 12, 2023

In last night’s dream, I find myself in a very big house with about 4 stories. I am planning a family reunion. I’m giving instructions over an intercom system so I know everyone can hear me they just don’t know where exactly I am voicing the instructions from. I am summoning them all together and instructing them to meet me in the front room of the house. I tell them it is going to be a magical event. For them to play along, they need to provide three basic pieces of information. 1. Who your grandparents are. 2. Who your parents are. and 3. Who your siblings are. With this information they should then choose the front room to arrive at. In my mind, I can see the game board with the Family Tree. I tell them once you designate these people, you will discover who you are and where you fit in the Family Tree. It occurs to me that they have 1 of 4 choices because there are 4 stories and 4 front rooms in the house, one on each floor. How do I know they will all choose the same room? All I know is I don’t need to choose or move from where I am because I am very confident everyone will choose the same room. I believe in the process and mystery. I think it is because of the way the DNA is structured that everyone is destined to choose the right room. Sure enough, everyone begins arriving as predicted.

Wanting to prepare the house a bit more for all the invited family guests I decide to clean out the refrigerator to get rid of things that were there from before to make room for new stuff. There is some ice cream and tiny Oreo cookies. I begin eating the ice cream and offer some of the Oreo cookies to Oliver. I then notice the dishwasher has been modified. I’m trying to figure out why they felt the need to modify the dishwasher. Why did they have to change it. There is a dishwasher part that has been removed. I save the item since I don’t understand its’ use, I just know it belongs to the dishwasher.

I am then drawn to a potential concern in the house. I am perceiving what might be a threat. There is a daycare facility in the house that watches my children. I decide to pick them up and take them with me. The two children are so cute and are the same size. They remind me of Simone and Linden. I’m walking through the house trying to avoid the place where I perceive the threat but instead of avoiding it, I walk right smack into them. It turns out the people I was avoiding and perceived as a threat were old family members from generations back, WAY back. One of them I feel is my friend Quetta who died from AIDS when I was young. I am so surprised and shocked to see him although i can’t see his face clearly, I feel it is him. What is he doing here? I would never have expected to see him here. The Dream ends abruptly, and I wake up.

~~~~~ Dream ends there.

Interestingly, when I was recoding the dream on my voice memos app on my iphone I came to the end of the dream and was musing over the person I felt was Quetta. It was a strong feeling, but I wasn’t 100% sure. The dream ended so abruptly. It didn’t give me any time to spend with him to better know the moment better. When I finished recording the dream and put my phone down, I must have hit something accidentally on my phone and it kicked open my music app with the song, “FLESH FOR FANTASY” by Billy Idol. I’ve not heard this song in ages. This song was Quetta’s absolute favorite song. We used to sit in the park after school and crank up the volume on this song on his car stereo.

Billy Idol – Flesh For Fantasy

A picture of me and my best friend Quetta (Elmer) and my phone when I finished recording the dream. Some things are a bit more than coincidence and there was more this day had to demonstrate of its magic, but I’ll journal that later.

Yellow Bellied Spider

November 4, 2023

In last night’s dream I am confronted with a yellow spider with a big belly. It shoots water from its abdomen instead of silk.  There is an infestation of these spiders at Joe’s house. I am worried he might bring his infestation to my house. I’m aware the infestation can quickly spread.  He holds the spider with its belly pointing at me and squeezes it forcing it the spider to spray water in my direction. The spray is so profound it soaks me completely.  I want him to kill the spider to stop its spread, so it won’t infect my house. After infection it causes humans to become like the spider whereby the humans infected by it also spray water from any all orifices.

I need to travel by train to NYC.  I can’t remember how exactly to get there or how to buy a metro pass.  I remember going there once when I stayed at a friend’s house.  I am worried I may not be able to find my way around and I’m thinking I should turn around and go back to DC. I look up at the sky above the train platform and see a sky filled with stars and objects I do not recognize. The sky looks quite beautiful.    There is a kiosk on the platform with slips of paper I believe it dispenses directions or fares for the train.  It dispenses a ticket for me with the number 3075 on it.  I’m not sure what you are supposed to do with it.  I scramble to scan it with my phone, but my time expires and the display clears.  It then dispenses several more tickets with musical notes on them.  Each time thereafter it all the tickets dispenses are simply musical notes. 

I go to a girls house a friend of mine who lives with several women.  They have so many cosmetics I can barely walk through her living room.  One of her roommates is moving out. She is the main renter but she herself does not have any furniture so when her roommate leaves, the house is left empty with just a few things simple items. She offers me to spend the night.  The bathroom has a nature room in it that serves as a window.  I feel the window could be a perfect place to have an aviary.   I decide not to spend the night with her since she really has no furniture on which to sleep on. I tell him not to worry I now remember where I live. It this moment her other roommates arrive. She apparently has many roommates. Her friends are beautiful young vibrant women.

Form and Function

October 18, 2023

In tonight’s dream. I’ve misplaced my laptop, and I am apparently attending school where there is a paper due soon. I had it all planned out before but now I cannot even remember what I was going to write my paper about. I apparently have some quality time scheduled to spend with my instructor. She follows me around the school library. I feel I’m at square one with trying to complete my school paper. To complicate things further, I don’t even know how reference books are stored here. Is there a card catalog? For my paper, I want something with a song. I want it to be related to a dream. Since I don’t have my laptop with a recorded dream, I decide to do my paper on the topic of FORM AND FUNCTION.

The teacher waits for me to prepare myself and gather what is needed for the paper. I signal to her that I am ready now to sit down with her. She turns and I follow. I notice her hair is short dark and looks exactly like the back of Oliver’s head.


Form and function in science refer to the direct relationship between the structure of a thing and the way it functions. Bears have sharp, curved claws that help them catch fish. Walruses have the blubber they need to keep them warm. Giraffes have long necks that help them reach leaves on tall trees.

Time Stands Still for the Wooden Buffalo

October 7, 2023

Dream is about the 4 distinct groups of bison or buffalo. I see them paused in time. I can see them through a window or door. A man has a large camera much like the ones used in movie production, but it is still small enough to carry around about the size of a briefcase. The camera has a small mirror inside it that refracts the light. I study the camera carefully. There is something about the way it refracts light that pauses time. I want to figure it out and understand how it is done.

There is a sliding door much like a boxcar on a freight train. I open the door to look outside. I feel it may reveal a clue on where I am. I close it and immediately start flying. I am looking for Oliver. I feel I am gliding through a long hallway. I can see a shadow of someone in front of me and one behind me. I then see Oliver through the window. He is outside with the Bison and Buffalo. He appears to be helping me solve the riddle. Unlike the bison he is not frozen in time. He tells me there is nothing to worry about don’t be afraid because the buffalo are wooden. He proceeds to show me how their legs are made of wood.

There is a woman who is illuminated by a deep crimson red light. She is speaking to me in sign language. I study the motion of her hands to discern what she might be trying to tell me. She is also speaking with her mouth, but I can’t hear her. Her hand signs I watch closely but I am unable to recognize anything I recognize. I worry I am not understanding her. She seems to be reassuring me I understand. I am determined to figure out all these mysteries. I believe they wouldn’t be happening to me if they were not meant to be understood.

Warning Use Your Colors and Sage It.

Thursday October 5, 2023

In last night’s dream, I am trying to flee someone who is pursuing me. It somehow feels like an exercise as if this is part of a training program. I am usually very good at moving with great speed in my dreams and have the ability to soar to great heights. However at times, I struggle to muster up these dream abilities. Tonight was one of them. I am fleeing from my pursuer. My power to flee comes in bursts of energy but each time, I am unable to fully evade my pursuer. I am tired and just want to sleep. I wish they would leave me alone. This goes on for what seems like an endless array of attempts. At one point, my mentor places the palm of his hand on my forehead and asks me to try again. The feeling of his palm on my forehead fills me with a great sense of love, hope and warmth. A part of me feels like giving up already and to simply confront whatever is pursuing me. I give it one more attempt and with great power and speed we are thrusted off as if I just pushed off the edge of a pool on my back with my legs pushing me away from my pursuer. I still am unable to get very far from my pursuer. When my body stops moving, I stand there resolved to figure this out. A light suddenly shines from within me bright red. I instantly recall, I have the ability to summon light from within me. I have a rainbow of colors to call forth. This is how I will respond.

~~ The dream ends there.

Something unbelievably strange happened to me this morning and I will share it along with this dream as I somehow feel they relate to each other. We have a block party on my street every year around the end of October or first week of November depending on the weather forecast. At night, the neighbors sit in the middle of the street around a several firepits listening to music and telling stories. It’s a great opportunity to connect with neighbors. Each year I burn sage in the firepits that I grow in my garden. I do it to protect the neighborhood. I offer up blessings as I sit there meditating on flames.

Picture thanks to neighbor Julie H.  Block Party 2022

Yesterday was the day I made my sage clippings. To dry them, I roll them up in a magazine and leave them outside in the sun to dry. This year, I didn’t have a magazine, so I used some pink construction paper off a large roll I have. Its the type of roll you buy to protect your floors during painting projects. I cut two long 12 in strips and placed the sage clipping in them. I made two rolls and secured them together with a rubber band. I placed the two rolls rubber banded tightly together on the hood of my car in my backyard. I figured it could serve to bless and protect my car and the hood provided extra warmth for them to dry exposed to direct sunlight.

The next morning therefore this morning when I drove my son to school, I completely forgot to take the rolled-up sage off the hood of my car. We pulled out and drove off. Today is Thursday. Trash pickup is Wednesday. As I drove through the alley, I remarked on the sloppy job the trash collectors did. There was trash laying around on the ground in several places. I rounded the corner in the alley, and I could see 40 feet or so in front of me (near the 15 mile /hour speed marker) pink construction paper. I recognized it as being similar to my pink construction paper but why would my trash end up way over here. I assumed maybe someone just happened to have paper like mine.

I continued and drove Oliver to school to drop him off. Upon returning to my house as I pulled in the alley and got off my car to open my gate, I saw another piece of pink construction paper in the near distance before you round the corner and not quite as far as the original piece of paper I saw earlier. At that point, it was obvious to me what had happened. I forgot to remove the sage from the hood of my car. I parked my car and immediately walked the 40 or so feet up to retrieve my sage. One of the rolled sages was scattered on the ground along with the paper. Wanting to retrieve all my sage which I needed for the firepit, I continued walking to examine the other piece of pink construction paper I had seen. It was undeniably mine and in fact contained my sage. (This picture is from the point at which I noticed the pink construction paper in the distance near the speed limit sign.)

So, the mystery is how is it possible for me to see my sage on the ground no less than 40 feet in front of me if my car had not yet arrived at that position? Simply impossible. Someone would have had to have come into my yard picked up the rolled sage off the hood of my car and distributed in two places in the alley. This would be extremely unlikely a near impossibility. So, what came first, the sage or my car?

Has something like this ever happened to me before??? Well … you wouldn’t believe it but YES. I’ve told this story to family and friends before but have never written about it. It is one of those things I simply cannot explain how it happened. The event occurred in this same alley behind my house. It was the day after I had moved into my house. My old landlord had lent me his station wagon to move some final items from my old house to the new one. My mother was with me in the car. We pulled up in the alley and paused the car right in back of my house. I was just going to quickly drop off the items entering through the back door. For a moment, I sat there sitting in the car talking to my mother when all of the sudden a car came racing through the alley. It was being pursued by the police. The alley only has room for one car with a small amount of space on either side to barely open your car door. The speeding car came racing through the alley and turned and came barreling at us head on. Miraculously it went “around us” where there is physically no room to accommodate a second car. The car sped past us or possibly through us causing only damage to the cars side view mirror on the driver’s side. There was not even a scratch on the car. The police that came in pursuit of the speeding car saw us parked there and instead of coming at us turned and went in the other direction. They alley in back of my house has a Y configuration.

My yard is the one with the indented fence line. My car is stopped behind my neighbor’s yard. This is generally where I stop to make my turn into my yard. I also did not have a fence at the time of the incident however both my neighbors did and are the same one currently there. No damage was done to either of my neighbor’s fences. One of my neighbors also has a tree box that butts up against the alley. A car attempting to go around my car would have to have turned into and out of my yard within the 20 feet that is my property line and still manage to go past me.

Time seems to be out of order. What happened first? I cannot help but wonder, did the sage I dropped today protect me and my mom from a head on collision 25 years ago? If we had not paused to sit in the car for a minute to talk, would we have been run over? Did I die that day and am I living in an alternate reality? Is retro causality possible?

As Your Needs Expand

September 30, 2023

In last night’s dream, I am presented with a new mobile device. It has thick edges to frame the viewing screen much like the original IPad 2 I had given my mother years back except this one is rather thin and made to fit in the palm of your hand which I estimate to be around the width of a typical TV remote control. I observe its new functionality and am struck by the fact that it is able to display any page request. It seems to scale automatically by visually tricking the eyes. I’m told the secret is done by not having the lines perfectly line up like the lines on graph paper. I study the display of the device and watch the lines dynamically grow expanding the screen size to accommodate my needs. No matter what I summon up for it to present it builds the graph paper on which to display it. I stress it by giving it complex requests and yet ever time it delivers. I am wondering if this feature is included in the new model I recently ordered. I also wonder if it will stand up to the test of time.

It’s Time; Yo se Ma.

September 21, 2023

In this dream I see my mom from across a divide.  She is younger.  I suddenly become aware of the conversation hearing my words respond, “Yo se ma.”  My response was to a sense of an urging by my mom that, “Its time”.  As I became lucid, I immediately capture the moment with the sense of urgency and did something completely unexpected.  I wave Hello to my mom with my physical hand.  She immediately acknowledges the wave by waving back.  I am completely shocked… my dream mom should not have been able to see my physical hand wave in the dream given she is in my head but my mom in the dream responded by instantly waving back and adding a smile that only my mom could give.  WOW.

I later had a second dream where I am with my son Oliver and my sister Grace.  We are going to the airport.  I am struggling to get off the bus which has stopped to drop us off at the airport.  My bed sheets seem to get caught in the door.  Oliver and Grace have already gotten off the bus.  With the delay, I’m now worried we will miss the flight or that the door will close, and I will lose Oliver sight of Oliver.   I finally manage to dislodge myself from my bed sheets and walk up to the front door of the bus.  As I disembark from the bus, the driver hands me a wallet saying, “This is yours.”  I open it not really recognizing it as mine.  I clearly see the identification card.  I return it to her saying sorry this is not mine.  A part of me wonders if there was anything in the wallet worth keeping.  I also know anything in there belongs to the one identified on the ID card. 

Interestingly, I’ve been seeing Angel numbers appearing everywhere and I mean everywhere every day. Every time I look at the clock its 11:11 or 3:33 or any repeating series of numbers. Not sure what is on the horizon or what God is trying to get my attention on, but they’ve recruited my mom to deliver the message. The first thing that came to mind in the morning is putting more effort into placing the last two embryos I’m holding on to. Those little ID cards are not mine and they need a home.