Deed of Trust

November 14, 2021

This dream needs a bit of background context to understand some of it’s meaning. I have a son which i had through surrogacy in real life. I ended up with unused embryos after having him. I’ve since donated to two separate families. The two mammas just so happened to cycle at the exact same time so it just so happened their embryos were implanted 30 minutes apart at the same fertility clinic on the same day. One of the two embryos came to visit with me in the dream last night. It is the family from Maryland which is here local to where I live. I feel their presence yet they were not actually in the dream. Instead the dream placed the child in the care of a local family I knew in DC some years back.

While visiting with the family and the child, I quickly recognize I am in a dream because I have not seen this family in a very very long time. I am thrilled to see and commune with my biological child for the first time. I stay as long as possible probably too long because I am now having trouble distinguishing this reality from what I remember of my waking state. I struggle without success to wake up. The dream is continuing for a long time. I am worried my dog will not have anyone to take him out to pee.

Their apartment number is 400 and is located in a very large complex with elevators. Since the dream doesn’t seem to want to end I don’t want to over stay my visit so I get ready to leave. I must have stayed all night because they too are getting ready to start their work day and go about their business. I continue to try to awaken from the dream but am unable to do so.

I decide to leave their apartment unit and head down the elevator. While in the elevator, I realize I mistakenly picked up the wrong wallet. Looking inside the wallet I can tell the identification card is not a DC license instead it is black and white. This can’t possibly be my license and I do not want to be seen as a pick pocket. I need to return to the unit to recover my wallet. A security guard is nearby and offers to walk back with me. I am doubtful I alone can find my way back to apartment #400. While walking she is called to an emergency and is now unable to escort me the remainder of the distance.

Now on my own. I turn corners not knowing where I am going wishing I could simply wake up. I wonder if my earthly life has ended as this reality seems just as real to me. I turn one corner down a hallway where the child stands at the end of the corridor in the distance. The child is now a youth in its teen years. I am told it is time for First Communion (an apparent reference to Christianity).

I am awestruck seeing the child in its youth wearing a white flowing robe with subtle specks of rainbow 🌈 colors. I feel this is an affirmation of the love for gay culture I’ve passed down to the child. The child seems to know my search for my identity and hands me a certificate. It is a Deed of Trust. I look carefully at the red seal affixed to the certificate. I’m instructed to open it which I do breaking the seal to expose the signatures. I am somewhat shocked with the authenticity of the document. The shock wakes me up. I gasp for air as my awareness places me in my bedroom with Oliver by my side.

No I don’t have a dog but I do have a diaper to change.

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Heard My Name on Cyclops Beach

July 1, 2021

Last night’s dream came in the middle of the night. It was 2 am when I woke up to take Oliver to the potty. I had fallen asleep with Oliver when I put him to bed at 9 pm. I usually wake up once during the night to take him to the bathroom. After I put him back to bed, I was having a hard time falling back to sleep. At some point, I started dreaming again but I still felt like I was having trouble falling asleep. I was far from a deep relaxed state. With the dream starting it created a fully lucid state. The dream imagery was incredible.

I am filled with incredible power to do just about anything. I feel like I have the power to move mountains. I can command the dream to do anything go in any direction create spectacular light shows, ANYTHING! There are others materializing in the dream. They begin witnessing my power to command the dream.

With the people materializing and knowing I am in a fully lucid state, I decide to look closely at their faces. Faces are very elusive in dreams if I am able to remember them at all. Given my lucid state, I decide to inconspicuously examine them to see if I can experience something new. The people around me are strong and powerful. I discover all of them to be wearing veils covering their faces. I can clearly see the material the veils are made of but not their faces. The veils are an an iridescent blue color. There is one dark skinned woman who is wearing her hair in a bun. She is the only one not hiding her face. Her face is different from any face I have ever seen. I study the difference and determine the difference to be that fact that she only has one large eye in the middle of her head. She too is very powerful. I wonder to myself if she unlike the others possibly forgot to veil her face.

I continually check to see if I am still in command of the dream. I also now struggle to stay aware of my lucid state. We move with great speed. I come upon a beach. I recognize it as a place where many come to lay and stretch on the warm sands to renew themselves. I notice something very unusual. There are no footsteps on the beach. The sands are like those along the beach where the tide’s ebb and flow smooths the sand it leaves behind.

Along the beach dune is a message someone left in the sand. It is a message for me. I have so much which I have committed to memory to try to bring back I feel I can’t possibly take back the entire message written in the sand. In the message is the image of a heart. In that moment, I hear someone call my name. I startle in surprise. Who here knows my name.

I am embolden. I feel I know this beach and path well. I command the dream to take me where I know to go. We fly over communication lines and I see people stretching on the beach. I know how exactly how to navigate this stretch of beach.

I then find myself in a place above all overlooking the beach. It is a house with huge floor to ceiling windows. The windows are not enough to shield my ecstasy and sexual energy. I hear myself climax. I hear others respond to my cries of ecstasy. I am unaware anyone could hear me.

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The Waiting Room

June 24, 2021

This dream I had yesterday but it seemed to be situated in the same place as last nights so I figured they may be related.  In the first dream, I am with a group of people in a building.  I notice everyone has what looks like soap suds stuck on them in different places.  The soap suds are sticky so they are clinging on to their cloths. I don’t think much of it as I assume it is just normal for this place.  As my visit with these people nears an end my role in their dimension is partially revealed.  I seem to be an authoritative figure here even though I am not found here all the time.  For this reason, they wear the soap suds so as to have me be a part of them always.  The suds seem to be part of my biological material.  I still have a bit of time before I need to leave so I decide to look around.  I walk though a waiting room were a woman is seated.  I recognize her as someone I’ve known in the past.  I’m split on the one hand with the desire to explore and on the other a curiosity to say hello to the woman.  The choice seems to be made for me and the woman calls out my name stopping me in my tracks.  It isn’t common for me to hear my name called in dreams.  I am obviously aware of the dream state.  I stop and am told that my people have been somewhat displaced as they didn’t believe I was coming back.  I respond by saying what do you mean.  Of course I’m coming back, I’m here aren’t I?  She explains further.  From her supplication and knowing she was placed in the waiting room without reason, I take matters in my own hand.  For some reason, I believe I have the power to correct the situation. 

Time seems to stand still as I reach in and make myself known.  I decide to leverage the soap suds as that must be what they are for.  I impress my desire with focused thought directing them to what needs to be done.  There are some actions only I can take and must take to set the record straight. 

Sitting contemplating the situation on how to respond someone brings to my awareness the fact that my partner has left me.  Left me?? Even though I don’t have a partner in real life I seem to know who they are talking about.  I respond, “He couldn’t have left me I still have his wallet.”  To prove it, I reach into my pocket and pull out his wallet and open it to find his identification card.  I focus carefully on his name.  Knowing I am in a dream and knowing this is a true moment of potential enlightenment where I can bring something back to my waking life I read the name very carefully.  I can see the name and read it clearly.  I try my best to commit it to memory.  I am then drawn to a picture in his wallet.  It is a picture of his daughter.  He couldn’t have left without taking his wallet given such a precious item remaining in it.  This too I must correct. 

I set out to fix these items or show that he is still with me.  I walk over to a kiosk on the other side is a person who seems to be the gatekeeper for those boarding a ship.  She seems to imply I am without means of passage.  Feeling as if I am this place and quite emboldened I notice she has a wad of cash sitting on the counter. I remark well it would be of no effort for me to take the wad since it is mine anyways.  I reach over and grab it placing it in my wallet.  The wallet can barely hold the cash and my pocket is overflowing.  I believe the money could be useful to me at a later time but I need somewhere to store it until I return. 

I return to where I was earlier and recall a hotel nearby.  I know I need to do something quite unexpected.  Something contrary to the normal course this dream would have taken.  I decide to rent a room in the hotel and use the safe to store the money until I return. 


Once in the hotel I put the money away and notice someone left two baseball caps on the dresser.  Something in me knows these caps contain the authority I need to recover.  I quickly pick one up and as I do it begins to glow a luminescent blue.  I quickly place the baseball cap on my head.  I will need to find someone trustworthy to wear the second cap so I place it in my back pocket.  As I get ready to leave the dream I sense time is now passing.  The dream begins to shift like a portal that will bring me back to my bed but I have to calculate the the perfect reentry point.   The point I calculate is one level below me.  As the two dimensions cross I make the leap. 

I then awoke in my bed. 

June 26, 2021

The next night I had another dream this one seemed to follow the last.  I find myself in a very similar space with knowledge of the prior night’s dream.  I probably remembered it clearly because I kept repeating it in my head over and over again. I wanted to journal it and didn’t have time to record it. 

In this dream, I am with the same group of coworker those people who are closely associated with me.  I’m not sure who everyone is I just know to be respectful of everyone because they are my people.  There is a man who seems to be the guy in charge or the person who will serve as my immediate supervisor on this next project.  I know this because he is wearing a blue cap.  He is a very handsome man.  The quarters are tight we seem to be in the hotel room I rented.  We are all sitting in the room some finding space laying on the bed and some on the floor.  We are resting in advance of our time to start the job.  The man is lying right next to me.  Since there is little free space on the bed our bodies at times touch.  I feel his energy and I desire to touch him back but not knowing him well I want to respect him.  We have a long conversation mostly about work and the project we have undertaken.  In our conversation a few personal details are leaked.    He tells me he has a daughter which he had through surrogacy.  I am amazed because I to have a child as a result of surrogacy.  I wonder how he finds the time to do his job and be a parent at the same time.  I can see the hair on his neck and I so desire to give him a hug and cuddle him.  I feel very close to this person. 

I then feel the urgent need to pee and unable to hold it anymore I wake up to get out of bed.  It is 5am.  Oliver is laying on the bed next to me with his head pressed against my shoulder.  I think to myself it must be Oliver photobombing my dream.  I need to change Oliver’s diaper and sit him on the potty.  I do all these and return to bed.  I immediately reenter the dream.  I can see the etheric embers of the dream coming together.  I see we are exactly midway between sunrise and sunset. I lay on the side of the setting sun and the man with the cap lays on the side of the rising sun.  I take careful note of how the dream works. How it all comes together and wonder if I can slip through the ethers for a quick adventure.   It occurs to me that this is must be my so called partner who I was aware of from the night before.  It all make sense now.  (In the dream it seemed to make sense but not sure I understand it in waking life. )  The man seems to know my desire to explore.  He seems to know the mechanics of the dream better than I do and motions his next move for me.  He then jets into the direction of the ethers and I quickly follow.  We descend deep within the dream .  The colors are spectacular.  I know the direction to head because I can see the glow of his cap. 

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Daughter-In-Law

April 20, 2021

Last night I had a dream where I am wanting to be part of the people who have gathered. I’m directed to a seat in the living room. The seats offered to me are not prime seating. It looks like wooden crates and a bench seat. I have mixed feelings around the seating offered but I see a woman in the distance who I recognize. The seating turns out to work perfectly because it affords me time to visit with my cousin who is seated nearby in the corner. She is holding a baby.

It occurs to me that this may be one of her grandchildren. She must be able to read my thoughts and offers an explanation. She tells me this is her daughter-in-law’s baby girl. She was born just 2 days ago. Her daughter-in-law is resting following the birth.

I then ask her if this is her second child to which she respond yes this is her second baby girl.

~~~~~~~ DREAM ENDS

This dream occurred before 1am because I woke up to go to the bathroom to pee and change my son’s diaper. I was struck by the dream. Why did the dream describe the relationship from the perspective of my cousin’s daughter-in-law? It seemed so formal. Why didn’t she simply say it was her son’s baby or her granddaughter? I also found it interesting that the baby was presented to me from the perspective of my cousin who is once removed from the baby. My relationship to her son is also a once removed cousin.

This whole dream has very strong messages regarding my remaining embryo’s which I’m donating out to families. In some way I feel it was trying to describe the relationships I will have to my biological children those embryos I’m donating hoping to establish open relationships between the children.

I’ve been pondering the dream from 2008 called My Mother’s Name is Penny. In that dream I believe the little boy was Oliver coming to me to share with me the things he was sent with namely the collection of postage stamps in his pocket. Following his coming into my life, I have always seen the postage stamps as the snowflake embryos he came with. His siblings that need to be delivered to their intended recipients. The stamps need to stick on envelopes addressed to the intended recipients. I have the responsibility to see that they are sealed and properly addressed.

As I type this it is remarkable the synchronicity in wording. Intended recipient is the exact terminology used when donating embryos and babies are delivered. The stamps need to stick to9 the envelope like an embryo needs to stick to a uterus do develop and be delivered in birth. Maybe the seal is the open embryo adoption contract as they say to seal the deal.

When I was done changing Oliver’s diaper I thought about recording my dream but I was simply too tired to do that so I tried my best to commit it to memory. I knew it was dream that had to be journaled since I have been struggling with letting go of these babies. I really can’t have them all myself but I often wondered if God intended me to have a second one. Given the dream I of the stamps I think it is clear they are destined to be sent out and addresses to others. I think this dream describes the relationships I can hope to establish.

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Where’s Your Door Bell?

April 10, 2021

Last night I had a dream. I’ve not had much time to journal dreams these days with the responsibility of taking care of Oliver. This dream literally struck me on the head. In the dream I have a visitor to my front door. He has been standing out there for some time but I simply had not realized it. Time seems to have stopped as I consider the problem presented. Why did I not realize there is a visitor at my door? I examine the door from the inside and look around my area as if to find the cause of the problem. I can’t seem to find the cause.

With the visitor paused in time I decide to simply open the door. I say, “Hello”, to which he replies, “I think you need a door bell.”

~~~ The dream ends there.

I didn’t think anything of the dream until while vacuuming the house I was trying to get the dust over the door frame in the kitchen when all of the sudden the the door bell cover fell on my head.

Will You Marry Me?

August 15, 2020

This is a two part dream which I had on two separate nights but I felt it was a continuation. On the 15th I had a dream where I am with Oliver. I am carrying him in my arms. He sees someone which only his eyes can see. Although I can’t see what Oliver sees I do feel the presence of someone and at some level my inward senses can make out details of the man. Oliver seems alarmed as if he wants me to know there is someone there. I am receiving flashes of details of the man. He stands before us with dark hair a beard and a hairy chest.

Should I be scared? Should I be cautious? Should I retreat? After careful consideration of the situation, I retreat a few steps to comfort Oliver hugging him tight and letting him know I am aware of the situation.

August 17th, 2020

I am alone this time in the dream. Now I have had a chance to know the man fully. We are in very close proximity and very intimate. I can actually feel his beard against my cheek. I know it is time to leave to wake up. A summary of our visit comes streaming in to my waking consciousness. It is as if I have been evaluating this person to decide whether I “like” him. My departing words to him are: “I would marry you.”

These words come from a deep subconscious place because when my waking self hears my thoughts being expressed I am puzzled, “Why would you want to marry anyone?” Memories of my last relationships are brought to the forefront. “Are you not better off alone?”

In resolving this dichotomy within me I can only surmise that only the man in my dream is worth knowing.

My alarms sounds as I feel Oliver’s stare. He is sitting up in bed waiting for me to wake up.

Butters A Leaders Heart

In this dream I am witnessing the administration of an IV needle. I can see the vein has recovered from the puncture. It is creating a seal around the part that has been inserted. I am surprised at the resiliency of the vein to heal itself. A thought crosses my mind on whether it would be possible to use the vein again in this condition.

I examine the path the needle takes and where it comes from. I can see the needle has a black thread which runs from the point of the insertion toward my body running down my forearm and returning the to cup in my elbow. I wonder if I am able to insert myself into the vein.

I hear a voice say, “He’s been honored with the Leaders Heart.”

DREAM ENDS ~~~~~~

During the dream it never occurred to me that the dream could be about my dog Butters who I had to put to sleep 2 days earlier. It wasn’t until after I woke up and thought about the needle and recalled the vet administering the lethal dose to put Butters to sleep.

As I was waking up I kept hearing the words, “He has a leaders heart.” I felt it was important to remember. One things I’ve come to realize in these days following his passing is that I was more dependent on him than he was on me. Here I thought he was the one who needed me but in reality now that he is gone I find I am missing him at every turn. My whole life and all its daily activities centered around, “Where is Butters?” and with that addressing all of his needs. I wouldn’t say that I can’t live without him but I would say that I don’t know how to live without him. My life has a huge void in it. He was the moon to my world so intrinsically tied to each other.

Spire Flutter

July 27, 2020

I had this dream the other night and didn’t have time to journal it. It was probably two nights past. It left a very strong impression on me so I wanted to get it down. In the dream I am in a castle presumably a place where I either live or have spent a great part of my life in. The castle is so vast I am vaguely familiar with it. It seems to have many areas I am unfamiliar with. I am being escorted to the castle spire. It is the highest point in the castle. I can see the wood framing that holds up the exterior. It ascends to a point beyond which there is no going further. I want to say I have been there but I am afraid it may not support my weight at the very top. I am also afraid I may not be able to get back.

I continue reluctantly to the point where I would need to crouch down to go any further. I decide not to crouch but instead bend forward to peak as far as I can. Feeling a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction I have seen it I quickly turn back.

I am now able to see my dog Butters who is in a different form. He is all black like a dragon undergoing some form of metamorphosis. He seems to be shedding his dark side. I want to help him and not leave him to do this on his own but I have to come up with a plan. I know it to be a challenging process one that requires supernatural skills of the spirit world. I believe I have the power to overcome his dark side. I can call upon some help.

I send out an encrypted telepathic message who could help and support us. The message is received and many answer the call. Butters is on a train destined to a location. I enter the train from doors on the opposite side of the platform. The train immediately stops. No one suspects it to be a plan since the door i opened is on the wrong side of the train. My plan is to lock the doors causing there to be a train delay to it’s final destination. This delay will allow us time to work out the plan.

Eventually the opposing force will catch up but I believe it will give us sufficient time to progress in our plan.

I can see the examiners approaching with authority I now we have very little time left. I wonder if those who heard the call have had enough time to fulfill the plan. In this moment from the door I held open emerges a white dragon with wings so large it can barely fit through the open door. I pokes its head through the door with such force and courage the examiners are halted not expecting such a thing. They are pushed back to regroup and come up with their own new plan. This delay gives Butters the time he needs to fully transform and shed his dark side. I see him laying there unable to stand. The darkness is shed in a dark smoke is release a billion dragonflies so many I can hear the sound of their wings brushing up against each other.

Its now apparent the reason he was dark is because so many dragonflies were pack in so tightly no light was allowed to pass through. In releasing the dragonflies colors begin emanating from their little bodies. Rainbow hues pulsate through the flutter of dragonflies.

Do I Know You?

A few minutes before I woke up this morning I had a dream where I am in an Uber getting ready to pay the Uber driver his tip. The Uber app prompts me for the desired tip offering me three options. The option boxes to select the predefined amount are so small my finger tip taps the $5 dollar option instead of the $1 dollar. The driver smiles gleefully believing I want to give him a $5 dollar tip.

I get out of the car and attempt to adjust the tip selection but instead of selecting $1 dollar I inadvertently tap on the $15 dollar amount. I think to myself it’s probably best to leave well enough alone because the tip was more than the cost of the ride.

I notice we pulled to the side of the road directly behind another car. As I walk toward the sidewalk I see a gentleman in the back seat of the car. He looks at me and I look at him. Our eyes lock. Who is this man? My curiosity to know him makes me pause waiting for him to exit the car.

The man steps out and stands in front of me. I assume he is a complete stranger yet I am drawn to him as if he is someone from my past. Unable to restrain myself. I embrace him with a big hug and ask him, “Do I know you?” I can see his face clearly. Who he is evades me. He does not respond to my question but instead returns the hug with a firm and lasting embrace. I feel his body pressed against mine through the thickness of our coats. It is a feeling so full of reward and satisfaction of desire fulfilled. I hold the embrace for as long as possible. In the distance I hear my alarm clock.

Purposefully Hinged

July 12, 2020

Today I had a dream where I recover something from my past. It is something with great significance. It is a wooden display board which has mounted on it an assortment of antique hinges and latches. They feel like heirlooms. Each one with a story belonging to a door, chest or drawer from my past. There is one in particular which draws my focus. It needs attention. It is about to lose the screw nut for the pin. Seeing it I quickly fasten it in place leaving it snug to its fitting. I have an overwhelming sense things are back to normal and secure.

Now at ease I take a moment to look over the many hinges to remember their story. I am amazed with the detail some carry. These were no ordinary hinges.