April 20, 2021

Last night I had a dream where I am wanting to be part of the people who have gathered. I’m directed to a seat in the living room. The seats offered to me are not prime seating. It looks like wooden crates and a bench seat. I have mixed feelings around the seating offered but I see a woman in the distance who I recognize. The seating turns out to work perfectly because it affords me time to visit with my cousin who is seated nearby in the corner. She is holding a baby.

It occurs to me that this may be one of her grandchildren. She must be able to read my thoughts and offers an explanation. She tells me this is her daughter-in-law’s baby girl. She was born just 2 days ago. Her daughter-in-law is resting following the birth.

I then ask her if this is her second child to which she respond yes this is her second baby girl.

~~~~~~~ DREAM ENDS

This dream occurred before 1am because I woke up to go to the bathroom to pee and change my son’s diaper. I was struck by the dream. Why did the dream describe the relationship from the perspective of my cousin’s daughter-in-law? It seemed so formal. Why didn’t she simply say it was her son’s baby or her granddaughter? I also found it interesting that the baby was presented to me from the perspective of my cousin who is once removed from the baby. My relationship to her son is also a once removed cousin.

This whole dream has very strong messages regarding my remaining embryo’s which I’m donating out to families. In some way I feel it was trying to describe the relationships I will have to my biological children those embryos I’m donating hoping to establish open relationships between the children.

I’ve been pondering the dream from 2008 called My Mother’s Name is Penny. In that dream I believe the little boy was Oliver coming to me to share with me the things he was sent with namely the collection of postage stamps in his pocket. Following his coming into my life, I have always seen the postage stamps as the snowflake embryos he came with. His siblings that need to be delivered to their intended recipients. The stamps need to stick on envelopes addressed to the intended recipients. I have the responsibility to see that they are sealed and properly addressed.

As I type this it is remarkable the synchronicity in wording. Intended recipient is the exact terminology used when donating embryos and babies are delivered. The stamps need to stick to9 the envelope like an embryo needs to stick to a uterus do develop and be delivered in birth. Maybe the seal is the open embryo adoption contract as they say to seal the deal.

When I was done changing Oliver’s diaper I thought about recording my dream but I was simply too tired to do that so I tried my best to commit it to memory. I knew it was dream that had to be journaled since I have been struggling with letting go of these babies. I really can’t have them all myself but I often wondered if God intended me to have a second one. Given the dream I of the stamps I think it is clear they are destined to be sent out and addresses to others. I think this dream describes the relationships I can hope to establish.

Where’s Your Door Bell?

April 10, 2021

Last night I had a dream. I’ve not had much time to journal dreams these days with the responsibility of taking care of Oliver. This dream literally struck me on the head. In the dream I have a visitor to my front door. He has been standing out there for some time but I simply had not realized it. Time seems to have stopped as I consider the problem presented. Why did I not realize there is a visitor at my door? I examine the door from the inside and look around my area as if to find the cause of the problem. I can’t seem to find the cause.

With the visitor paused in time I decide to simply open the door. I say, “Hello”, to which he replies, “I think you need a door bell.”

~~~ The dream ends there.

I didn’t think anything of the dream until while vacuuming the house I was trying to get the dust over the door frame in the kitchen when all of the sudden the the door bell cover fell on my head.

Will You Marry Me?

August 15, 2020

This is a two part dream which I had on two separate nights but I felt it was a continuation. On the 15th I had a dream where I am with Oliver. I am carrying him in my arms. He sees someone which only his eyes can see. Although I can’t see what Oliver sees I do feel the presence of someone and at some level my inward senses can make out details of the man. Oliver seems alarmed as if he wants me to know there is someone there. I am receiving flashes of details of the man. He stands before us with dark hair a beard and a hairy chest.

Should I be scared? Should I be cautious? Should I retreat? After careful consideration of the situation, I retreat a few steps to comfort Oliver hugging him tight and letting him know I am aware of the situation.

August 17th, 2020

I am alone this time in the dream. Now I have had a chance to know the man fully. We are in very close proximity and very intimate. I can actually feel his beard against my cheek. I know it is time to leave to wake up. A summary of our visit comes streaming in to my waking consciousness. It is as if I have been evaluating this person to decide whether I “like” him. My departing words to him are: “I would marry you.”

These words come from a deep subconscious place because when my waking self hears my thoughts being expressed I am puzzled, “Why would you want to marry anyone?” Memories of my last relationships are brought to the forefront. “Are you not better off alone?”

In resolving this dichotomy within me I can only surmise that only the man in my dream is worth knowing.

My alarms sounds as I feel Oliver’s stare. He is sitting up in bed waiting for me to wake up.

Butters A Leaders Heart

In this dream I am witnessing the administration of an IV needle. I can see the vein has recovered from the puncture. It is creating a seal around the part that has been inserted. I am surprised at the resiliency of the vein to heal itself. A thought crosses my mind on whether it would be possible to use the vein again in this condition.

I examine the path the needle takes and where it comes from. I can see the needle has a black thread which runs from the point of the insertion toward my body running down my forearm and returning the to cup in my elbow. I wonder if I am able to insert myself into the vein.

I hear a voice say, “He’s been honored with the Leaders Heart.”


During the dream it never occurred to me that the dream could be about my dog Butters who I had to put to sleep 2 days earlier. It wasn’t until after I woke up and thought about the needle and recalled the vet administering the lethal dose to put Butters to sleep.

As I was waking up I kept hearing the words, “He has a leaders heart.” I felt it was important to remember. One things I’ve come to realize in these days following his passing is that I was more dependent on him than he was on me. Here I thought he was the one who needed me but in reality now that he is gone I find I am missing him at every turn. My whole life and all its daily activities centered around, “Where is Butters?” and with that addressing all of his needs. I wouldn’t say that I can’t live without him but I would say that I don’t know how to live without him. My life has a huge void in it. He was the moon to my world so intrinsically tied to each other.

Spire Flutter

July 27, 2020

I had this dream the other night and didn’t have time to journal it. It was probably two nights past. It left a very strong impression on me so I wanted to get it down. In the dream I am in a castle presumably a place where I either live or have spent a great part of my life in. The castle is so vast I am vaguely familiar with it. It seems to have many areas I am unfamiliar with. I am being escorted to the castle spire. It is the highest point in the castle. I can see the wood framing that holds up the exterior. It ascends to a point beyond which there is no going further. I want to say I have been there but I am afraid it may not support my weight at the very top. I am also afraid I may not be able to get back.

I continue reluctantly to the point where I would need to crouch down to go any further. I decide not to crouch but instead bend forward to peak as far as I can. Feeling a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction I have seen it I quickly turn back.

I am now able to see my dog Butters who is in a different form. He is all black like a dragon undergoing some form of metamorphosis. He seems to be shedding his dark side. I want to help him and not leave him to do this on his own but I have to come up with a plan. I know it to be a challenging process one that requires supernatural skills of the spirit world. I believe I have the power to overcome his dark side. I can call upon some help.

I send out an encrypted telepathic message who could help and support us. The message is received and many answer the call. Butters is on a train destined to a location. I enter the train from doors on the opposite side of the platform. The train immediately stops. No one suspects it to be a plan since the door i opened is on the wrong side of the train. My plan is to lock the doors causing there to be a train delay to it’s final destination. This delay will allow us time to work out the plan.

Eventually the opposing force will catch up but I believe it will give us sufficient time to progress in our plan.

I can see the examiners approaching with authority I now we have very little time left. I wonder if those who heard the call have had enough time to fulfill the plan. In this moment from the door I held open emerges a white dragon with wings so large it can barely fit through the open door. I pokes its head through the door with such force and courage the examiners are halted not expecting such a thing. They are pushed back to regroup and come up with their own new plan. This delay gives Butters the time he needs to fully transform and shed his dark side. I see him laying there unable to stand. The darkness is shed in a dark smoke is release a billion dragonflies so many I can hear the sound of their wings brushing up against each other.

Its now apparent the reason he was dark is because so many dragonflies were pack in so tightly no light was allowed to pass through. In releasing the dragonflies colors begin emanating from their little bodies. Rainbow hues pulsate through the flutter of dragonflies.

Do I Know You?

A few minutes before I woke up this morning I had a dream where I am in an Uber getting ready to pay the Uber driver his tip. The Uber app prompts me for the desired tip offering me three options. The option boxes to select the predefined amount are so small my finger tip taps the $5 dollar option instead of the $1 dollar. The driver smiles gleefully believing I want to give him a $5 dollar tip.

I get out of the car and attempt to adjust the tip selection but instead of selecting $1 dollar I inadvertently tap on the $15 dollar amount. I think to myself it’s probably best to leave well enough alone because the tip was more than the cost of the ride.

I notice we pulled to the side of the road directly behind another car. As I walk toward the sidewalk I see a gentleman in the back seat of the car. He looks at me and I look at him. Our eyes lock. Who is this man? My curiosity to know him makes me pause waiting for him to exit the car.

The man steps out and stands in front of me. I assume he is a complete stranger yet I am drawn to him as if he is someone from my past. Unable to restrain myself. I embrace him with a big hug and ask him, “Do I know you?” I can see his face clearly. Who he is evades me. He does not respond to my question but instead returns the hug with a firm and lasting embrace. I feel his body pressed against mine through the thickness of our coats. It is a feeling so full of reward and satisfaction of desire fulfilled. I hold the embrace for as long as possible. In the distance I hear my alarm clock.

Purposefully Hinged

July 12, 2020

Today I had a dream where I recover something from my past. It is something with great significance. It is a wooden display board which has mounted on it an assortment of antique hinges and latches. They feel like heirlooms. Each one with a story belonging to a door, chest or drawer from my past. There is one in particular which draws my focus. It needs attention. It is about to lose the screw nut for the pin. Seeing it I quickly fasten it in place leaving it snug to its fitting. I have an overwhelming sense things are back to normal and secure.

Now at ease I take a moment to look over the many hinges to remember their story. I am amazed with the detail some carry. These were no ordinary hinges.

Nuns From The Window

Armand Gautier – Three Nuns in the Portal of a Church

July 11, 2020

This dream I had a few days ago on about July 8th, 2020. I was so taken back by its realness I just knew I had to journal it. I awaken to the sound of people outside my bedroom window. I realize I am having a false awakening. Curious to know who is at the window I approach rolling over in bed to lean my head out to peer through the window. Two arms reach in to grab me like you would a baby from bed. I am pulled into their world. I am completely taken back as their action and influence on my dream is totally unexpected.

Now on the other side of the window, I can see who is responsible for the sound. The clarity in the room is more real than any waking experience. The lighting is dim but not so dim I can’t see. There is a candle burning in the room which shines just enough light for me to see three nuns in white and black habits. I exclaim to myself, “This is unbelievably real!”

The nuns seem to be attending to my well being. They cloth, dress and brush my hair to prepare me for my return. When ready they return me through the window.


I then found myself back in my bed awake thinking this is too incredible. It couldn’t have been just a dream. There is someone a group of people watching over me. This had too much intention to be simply a dream.

Now today, I had a dream with a similar theme. I am in my car looking for parking and just something to do. I find a parking space and notice we are near the Udvar Hazy Museum. I can see the various space shuttles on display one in particular is blue. They are on display on a mountain side near the base of the parking lot.

Still seated in my car I am trying to figure out if it is legal to park here. I notice a man approach my car window. I open the window and ask if it is ok to park here as we would like to visit the museum. The man who happens to be a priest replies, “Oh you must be from DC.” He then suggests I park a bit closer so that I have less to walk on foot. Looking toward the back of the car he draws my attention to my parents who are seated in the rear seat. Knowing they are elderly I agree to his recommendation and move the car closer. Upon getting out of the car I pull Oliver out of the infant seat from the back of the car. Upon holding him in my arms I am overwhelmed with love toward my son. I am so utterly grateful to have him I feel I need to thank the priest for what I have been given. He responds as if knowing my sentiment without a word from my lips and says. “I’m headed to Union Station, maybe you can give me a ride home?”

Feeling it is an odd request I hesitate for a moment but figure I do live in DC so Union Station would be a favor I could easily fulfill on my return.

Oliver’s Seagulls

In the dream I see my son Oliver who is running and playing on the beach. On his back are tethered to him a flock of seagulls.

This dream happened a few days ago and I didn’t have time journal it even though it was so short I knew it answered a very profound question. One that relates to the embryos I’m donating. I can’t help but feel what if one of the embryo’s I’m donating was meant to be with me. I obviously can’t keep and bring to birth all of them but if there was a way to have at least one more which would it be? A second question is whether Oliver was the right one and only one for me. I mean I chose a boy over a girl. He was the best scored embryo of the bunch. Should I have chosen the runt being that I like helping the underdog. Butters was the runt in the pack. Seeing Oliver in the dream with the seagulls I feel answered both questions. Oliver is on land with me happy and content. The others who flown in on his back were meant to be set free to fly like seagulls.

White Chocolate Dove

This dream requires a bit of background. It seems this dream is trying to answer an overarching question. One I maybe submitted a long time ago but wasn’t ready to receive until now. The question is one where I wonder who had my phone number previous to me. I muse about ever meeting this person or knowing anything about him or her. That aside the dream unfolds like this:

I am trying to get to a department store. I am looking to purchase some men’s clothing. To get to the department store I need to scale a tall wall. Luckily the wall is covered in carpeting giving me something to grab on to clawing my way to the top. There are two men scaling the wall close behind me. I’m the first one at the top. From this vantage point I am able to see into the store. I notice they are redesigning the men’s department. They brought in new upscale furniture and lounge chairs. They are no longer selling men’s clothing but instead are selling tiny international flags with tiny chocolates that correspond to the flag of that country much like Godiva, Ghiradelli or Lindt. I’m upset as it seems senseless and without utility to have such a thing given both the flags and chocolates are so tiny.

In my agitated dissatisfaction, I accidentally tip over a ceramic white dove which sits next to me on the wall. The dove falls into a deep crack in the wall. All you hear when it reaches the bottom is the shattering of the dove. There is a sense of momentary loss for the death of the dove. Plus what they have here is simply useless even though I do acknowledge I’ve not yet tasted the chocolates. I think to myself these chocolates better be awfully good to justify their size.

Now the dove returns as a white plane a glider of sorts but the new designers have decided to clip the wings of the glider. Again I’m angered they have decided to limit the utility of the glider. I think it is such a waste. The dove to be free to soar.

I decide to leave but notice I am carrying a scarf. I look around for a sales attendant to give them the scarf to return to the shelf. The attendant takes it and quickly puts it down. Again I’m angered they place so little care in the scarf. I think they are disrespectful of what came before them. The scarf must be from the old inventory of the department store for them to simply disregard it.

Now I continue toward the door and notice they are having a raffle to promote the new store design. Raffle tickets are at every counter. My cell phone rings with a person announcing I have won the raffle. I look at the winning raffle ticket which is on microfiche since it is a very old ticket. The microfiche clearly shows my cell phone number. I suddenly understand. This dream has a purpose to answer the overarching question I had posed long ago. I now have this persons cell phone number. This person who entered the raffle centuries ago. This raffle ticket has the original registrant information.

I continue toward the door to exit and outside it is pouring down rain. I forgot to bring my umbrella.