A Return To The Hall Of Records

August 24, 2018

In last night’s dream I find myself in the Hall of Records.  This place is where people come to learn about events.  It’s a happy place much like an amusement part. People are eating, socializing and celebrating.  People take joy in knowing truth.  I’m a bit intimidated because there is so much here and I know I may stumble on information that is privileged or under seal.  I initially walk through just to take note of what all is available for review.  There are various rooms with different themes.  You can learn a lot just by being aware of the items and the names of the articles.  Once at the end I ask if I can return for  a closer look at some of the items I found of particular interest to me.  I would really like to sit in silence and take in the information.  Too learn more about the generations who came before me.

People are now gathering with me.  Although they didn’t come with me I feel they are here to surreptitiously know more about me.  There is also a sense of celebration.   They seem to not be forthcoming with information but instead wanting me to discover my truth.   My confidence increasing and my shyness diminishing.  I feel welcome to gather here with them.  I don’t want to leave.

I notice a wet spot on the floor.  Oh no Butters pee’d.  I instantly wake up needing to pee.  Happy to Butters didn’t actually pee.  I rush to the bathroom to do my business and returned to bed.

Love

My second partner Michael who held 10 yrs of my life.

August 3, 2018

Last night I had a dream where I am in a line of people not quite sure what we are waiting for.  I am with my mother who is old and in a wheel chair.  I am protecting her.  Along the path where we walk are cutouts small rooms with 3 walls.  Occasionally people pause while they wait in line to reflect on what each room holds.  While standing in line your vision is restricted to the cutout room directly in front of you.  I am standing in front of my mom.  It is has been my belief we are at the end of the line whoever I become aware of a man who has been standing behind my mom.  I have missed noticing him because he has been engaged in each of the rooms as the line has moved.  I on the other hand have been waiting in line with my mom not entering the cutouts.  To satisfy my curiosity who might be standing behind my mom I walk behind her now in a position to see into the cutout where the man stands.  I discover the man in the room is Michael.  My second partner.  He looks amazingly beautiful.  All the reasons I fell in love with him come rushing back.  His hair glistens in the light of the sun and his beard seems to reflect the rays of the sun.  Yet even with all this love for him I feel I need to scold him for his actions.  I somehow feel he might have done some wrong against my mother.  I want him to know I stand to protect my mom.  I also feel he has hurt me.  A part of me if mad over the pain he has created in my life.

As I stand there in discussion with him, I begin to become aware of the dream.  Knowing I’m in a dream now I look at “Michael” and wonder what else might he be here to represent.  With my mind focused on OB and feeling the love deep within me.  I can feel it radiating out warmly by the sun reflecting off his golden hair.

My alarm rings and I wake up to snooze it.  I quickly close my eyes trying desperately to return to the dream.  My inner eye now sees cartoon characters.  These are very similar to yesterday’s except these appear to be presented for a mature audience.  The characters are dressed in cartoon suits, some I notice look like formal wear.  They seem to be gathering for a celebration.  I see their cartoon hair is black and well presented with clear delineation and  distinction.  They appear to be happy and proud.  My alarm rings a second time.

~~~~~~ DREAM ENDS

As I was journalling my dream and describing the cutout rooms I had a very strong feeling that each room represented a day in my life.  I seem to be stuck not engaging fully in each day because I am attached to the idea that I must care for my mother.  My mother in her wheel chair seemed unable to enjoy each day either.  I was unaware of Michael’s nearby presence because he was in engaged in life.  There is also the idea that I’m stuck in the past possibly morning the past.  I can’t see love in today.

Look At Me Bobby

June 6th, 2018

I had a dream where my mom has a museum where she displays artifacts from history.  The artifacts have religious or spiritual connotations.  Things like tuning bowls, instruments, mandalas etc.  My mom lives in the house behind the museum.  Someone comes into the museum looking for her wanting to borrow my bike. The person is a cousin possibly Victor.  I’m thinking I hope my mom hasn’t started lending out my things to people because these things are things I cherish and have great value and memories tied to them.  I don’t seem to remember how to get to her house.  He tells me they need access to the water lines.  As he is leaving, I tell him,  I am the son of Otilia.  I then discretely follow behind him knowing if I follow him he will lead me to where my mom is or lives.  I may learn more about my mom.  Behind the house is a natural body of water which is very deep.  The water glows orange and yellow in the light of the sun.  He now has lion hair and a furr coat on.  He now reminds me of my cousin Jeannette.  She dives in to retrieve what they need to access the water main.  When she comes out at the other end I tell her she didn’t have to jump in the water with her coat on.  She then takes the coat off to dry it and now she is a man with a beautiful hairy chest.  I think to myself, why would you cover that up his beautiful furry chest with a furr coat?  He rushes off to get his firetruck.  I am looking in the direction where he went waiting to see him return when from behind a truck and trailer approach.  The truck has no sides or top.  I ask him if it is legal to drive around like that.  He gets off the truck and tells me this is his firetruck.

Scenes flash before me like short 3 second movie clips.  Messages from these people come rushing in.  In one clip, I see my son when he is young.  I stop the clip because after all its my dream and I want to see my son.  The dream pauses for just a moment long enough for me to get a good look.

(Click on above image it’s a 3 second clip)

In the time span of a breath I take in his image.  Feeling complete I exhale allowing the dream to continue.  I then see a man who looks at me.  I am still coming off the intense high of seeing my son so I am not paying much attention to anything else.  I feel like I have what I came for.  Again he makes a facial gesture indicating he too has a message for me.  I am still unable to focus.  He looks directly into my eyes and says,  “Look at me.”  I pause long enough for me to get a good look at this man.  The dream ends here as his image slowly fades from my mind.  Who is this man?

~~~~ DREAM ENDS HERE

I then woke up and recorded the details of the dream.  After my coffee I wanted to know who this man was.  Why was it so important for me to look into his eyes.  I said a prayer and walked into my library glancing slowly at the pictures on the shelves.  I wanted to find a picture with someone I can look into their eyes.  I then came to my Grandmothers photograph.  I stared at my Grandma for a few minutes and felt complete.

I then went upstairs to start my day.  The man’s face a man I’ve never seen before yet clear as day in my mind’s eye sat there not wanting to leave me.  I turned on the TV to watch MSNBC.  The news was having a segment honoring Robert F Kennedy.  It was a long segment on his life.  I am slightly annoyed because I want the regular news.  What is going on with Bobby Kennedy today that they are taking so much time recounting his life.  They then turned to a picture of him and OMG it was his face in my dream.  It was his face exactly.

I then went online to look for pictures of him to possibly look into his eyes.  Come to find out today it is the 50th anniversary of his death.  He died 50 years ago at Good Samaritan Hospital in Los Angeles.

My grandmother Simona Camargo also died at Good Samaritan Hospital when I was in the 8th grade probably 1978.  This is the picture I have of my Grandmother in my library.  I worked at Good Samaritan as a candy stripper the summer she died.  My aunt Helen also worked there as a nurse.  I thought it unusual when I came to her picture how perfect it felt to looking into her eyes.  I felt it must have been her.  I thought maybe my grandma came to me as a man in my dream but why would she do that?  Apparently there was so much more to be told.  What is the coincidence that today would be the anniversary of Bobby’s death.  Curious too the image I found online of bobby near the body of water is a 3 second clip much like the clips presented to me in the dream.  Had he possibly been swimming there in that picture?  And apparently he has a hairy chest.  So many coincidences.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it was OB I saw before this man showed his face.  Was it then OB all along showing me his firetruck?  I like the picture of Bobby and the little girl.  I imaging myself someday with OB.  I wonder is that was his daughter.  I don’t know much about Bobby Kennedy.  Was OB my Grandma and Bobby all in heaven conspiring to send me messages.  I think so. I am a blessed man to have a direct connection to the higher realms.

May you rest in Peace Bobby.  And to my Grandma I remember you like it was yesterday.  I will never forget you.  Le tengo mucho amor abuelita.

 

The Kids Table

I had a dream where I am trying to coordinate a flight with my ex Joe.  I have to find a place to park my car but the airport parking lot is full and I’m told by the parking attendant that there is a detour and he advises me to find another option.  He points me in the direction of a metered spot but I am suspicious of that spot because I don’t want to get a ticket just in case I don’t get back in time to pick up the car.  Instead I go looking for another parking space.  I am able to find street parking nearby.  I don’t know when the flight is but I do know it is scheduled soon.

I then find myself trying to save my goldfishes.  Someone has placed them in a bucket with very little water.  The fish are struggling to swim.  I feel a strong connection to them as if they were my children.  I go looking for a water bottle to try and save them. I find a blue and grey bottle in the kitchen cupboard.  I fill it up with water and pour it in the bucket only to find the bucket has holes everywhere.  Someone is trying to sabotage my effort. One of the fishes is already dead.  Mocha and Cleo now eat the fish not knowing they are special.

My brother Paz is trying to entrap me between a concrete wall. Paz  has sided with Trump and is now a terrorist.  He is jealous of my spiritual connection and wants to kill me or have me go missing so that he can claim my property.  I’m really tired of dealing with the Paz’s character and decide I will no longer be part of it.  I refuse to give him power over me.  I step into my faith in the knowledge that I am OK regardless of what Paz is  doing.  I then surrender and step into the space between the  concrete walls.  My friends Toni C and Stephen are here along with other friends from various groups who have come to this space to support me.  The space between the walls begins to provide a clearing.

Those gathered here tell me that they have gathered my seed and I have born a child but that the child has the defect of illegitimacy.  They bring the child to me and I feel compassion for his situation.  I take the child and he grows up in my arms.  I teach him how to fly and watch him become a man.  We take flight together and become one.  I feel him against my loins and groin and in my spirit with a feeling of ecstasy.  The feeling is beautiful and overwhelming.

Now in full flight we ascend to an elevation high above to the tops of the buildings where I see a bezeled window with a cut out shape much like a cookie cutter opening.  The opening is large enough for my spirit to pass .  We pass through the opening.

We are in flight.  He is now a full grown man.  Having taught him everything I pass my power to him and now he carries me.  I can feel the wind touch my body.  We are facing each other.  I am moving backward as he is moving forward.    Its time to find a resting place.  As we descend he becomes younger and younger.  Once we land his presence leaves me.

I then find myself sitting at a wooden picnic table where I meet a man.  He is seated beside me.  I am talking to the memory of my son as if he were still with me.  I feel silly talking to someone that is not there.  I’m afraid the man seated next to me will think I’m crazy.  I am telling the man about my dreams and how wonderful they are.  I’m getting confused.  I can’t distinguish whether I’m dreaming or not.  Although I am in a dream, I do not feel like I’m dreaming.  A young boy comes up to me from out of the blue.  Without skipping a beat, I continue talking to him as my son.  He tells me about school and what he is learning.  We have a fun conversation about playful things.  I share with him how my life is.  He then runs off telling me he needs to head back to school. As he is leaving, I remind him how much I love him.

I then resume talking to the man who is sitting next to me.  I tell him how my dreams reveal my son.  I struggle to describe what I have experienced in all its fullness.  You have to be present to fully appreciate the magic.  Once again I feel silly believing the man will question my sanity.

In that moment from out of the blue a young boy appears to hand me a chocolate.  The chocolate is wrapped in an orange shinny tin foil paper with crinkled edges.  I open it to find a hand written note inside.   Reading the note, I recognize it as something I have written.  In that moment the universe opens up as my awareness expands.  I am fully aware of the dream and the magnitude of what it presents.  I am in a dream yet I am awake.  I experience synchronicity and deja-vu in the dream as in my waking life.  Knowing this is my opportunity to see my son’s face,  I take a good look wanting to know if he bears any resemblance to me.  I am surprised to find that he is the same person as the λλale Carrier from my previous dream where I asked him if he had any male for me.

 

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The Brick Wall

Last night as I as falling asleep I found myself standing in front of a brick wall.  I’m thinking how I can get beyond this point feeling I need an entirely new approach or course of action.  I look down and notice that both the wall and I are moving.  The moment I notice it the speed at which change occurs is phenomenal as if we had gone through a time warp to travel great distance.

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I also remember seeing babies in bassinets being rolled on their sides and back as if to clean them.  They were playing the tumbling game with the children.

Naples A Place of Clandestine Love

NaplesLast night I had a dream where I am at what feels like a university campus.  There is a shop on campus much like a Brookstone Store with many beautiful nature related gifts one can buy.  There is an item that I’m fascinated with but it is almost 10 o’clock and my class is about to start.  Fearing I don’t have enough time to make the purchase before class I decide to leave the shop with the intention of returning later. 

 

On the way out I meet a guy.  He is someone I’ve been in love with for a long time but have not seen in ages.  He leads me off toward the edge of a wooded grove where we sit on the grass.  It is a quiet place where we can embrace each other and not be readily seen.  All he is wearing are his boxer shorts which allow me to peak into his jock. 

 

As we are fondling each other a police car traveling down the nearby road makes a turn toward us.  The head lights of the car catch our attention and we quickly get up to compose ourselves and begin walking deeper into the woods.  Forgetting completely about the time we continue our hike through the woods. 

 

We find a second resting place where we stop.  From his back pack he pulls out a mirror.  It is a magic mirror of sorts.  He tells me to look into the mirror and to see the place to which he is taking me.  As I look into the mirror I have a rush of euphoria come over my entire body.  I can vividly see we are atop a high clandestine mountain.  The beauty and vividness of the images within the mirror are stupendous.  This place is breathtaking.  It is a place where I have longed to be. 

 

He instructs me to move the mirror so as to pan the landscape.  The mirror is very sensitive to my movement.  As I pan the landscape, I can see that not far from this clandestine location are small towns where people live.  “This is somewhere I could live,” I think to myself.  I then see a large monument.  I ask him, “Is this Napa?”  He responds, “No this is Naples.”

Clergy With Someone

ClergyLast night I had a restless night that resulted in a series of disturbing dreams. In the first dream I am at a party and we are blowing up balloons. They are the type of balloons that are twisted into animal shapes. The balloon I am given is black. The objective is to blow up the balloon to the break point without breaking it. As I begin to blow up my balloon I notice it looks like a penis or dildo. I am disturbed by the image and I want to stop but I feel committed to the challenge. I don’t want to fail. I’m aware that the more I blow the more pleasure is felt by those around me who are observing me. They are urging me on. I’m approaching the break point. Just one more puff. The balloon bursts with a loud pop. I immediately wake up startled by the loud sound and burst of air at my face.

As I open my eyes there is a fat black man looking at me with puffed cheeks, pinched lips and bulging eyes. He reminds me of Louis Armstrong. I am extremely annoyed at his presence. He is the reason why my balloon burst. The look in his eyes tells the whole story. He is making a joke of me. I backhand him and roll on my side to go to sleep.

I then had a dream where I am dating a guy over the internet whose screen name is “ClergyWithSomeone.” Our conversations occur mostly over the internet. At first our chats are pretty typical and very delightful. Then something changes the mood shifts for some reason and I suspect something is wrong. I’m trying to figure out what has changed. Why is it that the internet acting differently? As I examine the computer I realize my hands are stuck to the computer. I am trying to figure out how to detach myself from the device. I’m pulling the computer away from me over my head like a pull over sweater. At this point when I am almost free a white note is passed to me seemingly a chat request. I feel it is from someone trying to help me. I immediately grab for the note in the hope of freeing myself. I’m beginning to wake up.

When I open my eyes I’m completely disoriented. I cannot make heads or tails of my room yet I am awake. I feel like I am recovering from just having passed out as if the blood is just now returning to my brain. As my brain begins to make sense of my bedroom, I see three men floating above my bed. They are standing together in a group facing each other. They are humanoid with the face of an animal specifically a bear or a beaver. Again I am extremely annoyed with them for the dream they have given me. I don’t feel they are making fun of me they are simply telling me the truth, a truth which doesn’t feel so good. I back hand them and turn once again in the other direction and fall back to sleep.

I have another dream. In this dream there is a police officer that has been stocking my house and watching me through my closed windows. He has been watching my movie played on my television screen, a movie of my life. I feel violated. He knows my most personal and intimate details. Upon becoming aware of him I step outside my house onto the front porch to confront him. Given that he is a police officer, I feel I must comply with his demands. He wants to enter my home to inspect it. I turn and walk back toward my front door. Something inside me says, “DON’T DO IT….DON’T BELIEVE HIM…DON’T LET HIM IN. I must react quickly. I make a run for it at a moment in time where he was not expecting it. I slam the iron door closed and quickly turn the dead bolt lock. I tell him he must wait outside while I call the station and confirm that he is in fact who he says he is and has the authority with which to search my home. My actions angers him greatly.

I am in a panic inside the house not knowing what to do next. Who do I call? What should I do? The panic places me in a lucid state a super conscious state where answers are coming to me. I remember that I know how to fly. I am the master of my dreams. I alone am the script writer. I alone must confront him but I will do it prepared with a super conscious awareness. I practice for a moment flying back and forth within my dream house to verify that I can indeed fly and I have my super human powers at my readiness. I then open the door to confront my oppressor. It is dark outside and he is now no where to be found but I know he still lurks in the darkness.

I now go about my business. I walk through the house taking note of all the details. There are mementos of my life and memories of my mother. As I start to remember where I came from, I become lost in the experience. As the wave of information starts to end, I come across a group of photos. They are photos of me with my friends taken in the past. In the first photograph I see the man my oppressor the same man who stood outside my house dressed as a police man. I clearly recognize him now. I hear myself say, “I hate him.” I can’t believe we were once friends but here is the truth on paper. We were friends. I flip through the photos. We are together in a majority of the photos. He smiles like a horse. I remember his presence even in those days was overbearing but he was my friend.

I then hear a sound at the door. He is back and the front door is wide open. He enters the house. We both take flight and confront each other in mid air in a great show of force. He is an extremely powerful opponent with powers that equal mine. His advantage is that he has lived in this underworld for a long time. It is his home turf. I am on his playing field. I on the other hand have been away from my powers having used them only sparingly during the course of my life on earth. The knowledge of how to use them is steadily coming back to me. We collide many times in mid air but I am not backing down. It is not only me for whom I am fighting for. I am fighting for the freedom to be as we really are in our full potential. I am fighting for my family’s right to sovereignty, peace and security. We finally lock each other in a choke hold. I’ve got him by the neck gripped under my arm.

The struggle wakes me up. As I open my eyes there is a face of a man beside me. His face is bright red and he has an expression that is undoubtedly evil. If there is a devil this man is him. Interestingly he has two piercing one on his lip and the other on his nose. He is completely red except for both piercing which are a vibrant luminescent blue. I am amazed that I am seeing this before me in a fully conscious state. I give no expression other that of sheer determinations and steadfast resolve to stand my ground. After a few minutes….his image fades. I then got up and went to the bathroom to pee.

Love is Perfect; The Bedouin Man

BedouinIn the middle of the night I woke up with the feeling that someone had taken my wallet from off my nightstand.  Before I could even open my eyes, I grabbed for my wallet which was now in the hands of a man who walked beside my bed.  To the man’s surprise, I was successful at reclaiming my wallet from him.  As I opened my eyes, there standing beside my bed was this man.  He was a Bedouin.  Although he stood in my bedroom he also stood simultaneously in his world upon a precipice in the high desert.  He was a beautiful luminescent blue angelic being whose face radiated pure unconditional love.  At times the wind being so strong blew his scarf in front of his face obscuring my view of him.  I raised my hand and arm in front of me to hail his presence.  

                                                     

He then placed a vision in my mind; a dream where I am in a sexual embrace at the point of ecstasy with not a person but the entire universe.  The universe is inside my body.  The feeling was so overwhelming that I completely lost myself forgetting where I was. My being was totally and completely consumed by the experience.  For the first time I experienced real LOVE.  I understood that when we love our love is felt by everyone.  Love is perfect. 

 

As the dream continued and I regain awareness within the dream I realize I forgot to let the dog in from the cold.  I quickly run downstairs in the dream to let him back in.  My dog is so excited to see me.  I kneel upon the floor and my dog jumps into my arms to be cuddled by me.  We walk back upstairs and return to bed. 

 

The vision ends and my awareness is returned to the Bedouin man.  My arm is still outstretched.  My eyes rolled back in my head in utter amazement as my body fell back in bed.  After a few moments, I regained my composure and sat up again to look around the room.  The Bedouin man was nowhere to be found. 

Saint Theresa's Home Made Blueberry Cheese

Saint TheresaLast night I had a dream where I am with my ex and we are visiting Santa Teresita (Saint Theresa).  She lives with her husband in what used to be a disco I used to frequent when I lived in Los Angeles.  The building has a Spanish flare to it.  Inside, the house has 3 levels and the ceiling or roof of the building is visible from every level of the house.  It is a beautiful thatch ceiling much like a hut.  Santa Teresita is an artisan.  She has many of her own hand made Spanish artwork, sculptures, paintings and murals displayed in the house.  As a matter of fact she has even painted her own face (face painting). She also makes edible delights.  She has so many of these delights from which to choose from. I am hungry but can’t decide which one of the many delights I want for myself.  I know I can’t possibly sample all of them.  I want to choose the best one.  She then presents my ex with a gift for his business achievements.  The package has a beautiful deep blue wrapping.  He opens it to find that it is a home made blueberry and white cheese.  The blueberries in the cheese are huge.  He cuts a piece off for me to sample it making sure to use a clean knife to slice it with. It is so overwhelmingly delicious.  The taste sensation is out of this world. The berries are tart yet sweet at the same time and still have much of their juice. Her husband then presents me with a gift; three fragrant green bottles of shampoo presumably also naturally home made.  My ex asks me quietly what is the man’s name as if he had forgotten the name of Teresita’s husband.  I reply, “He doesn’t have a name but Santa Teresita does.”

 

Saint Thérèse de Lisieux (January 2, 1873 – September 30, 1897), or more properly Sainte Thérèse de l’Enfant-Jésus et de la Sainte Face (“Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus and of the Holy Face”), born Marie-Françoise-Thérèse Martin, was a Roman Catholic Carmelite nun who was canonized as a saint, and is recognized as a Doctor of the Church, one of only three women to receive that honor. She is also known by many as The Little Flower of Jesus.

 

Thérèse is known for her “Little Way.” In her quest for sanctity, she realized that it was not necessary to accomplish heroic acts, or “great deeds”, in order to attain holiness and to express her love of God. She wrote,

 

“Love proves itself by deeds, so how am I to show my love? Great deeds are forbidden me. The only way I can prove my love is by scattering flowers and these flowers are every little sacrifice, every glance and word, and the doing of the least actions for love.”

 

I found it interesting not knowing anything about Saint Theresa that my dream would draw my attention to her litteral face painting which is something that was very much out of place in the dream and correlation to her name Sainte Thérèse de l’Enfant-Jésus et de la Sainte Face (“Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus and of the Holy Face”).  Dreams like this reasure me that I have been visited by the real person.   So who was the husband the man with no name?  Was it Christ?

 

This dream came at a time when my own heart has been very depressed.  I received consolation in Saint Theresa’s message “Little Ways”.  Maybe it’s not about making a big splash to change the world and have people see the importance of dreams.  Maybe I am making a difference …. one flower petal at a time…. one dream at a time.  My heart was uplifted today by this dream.  I have a renewed sense of hope.

Smoky Truth

FireplaceLast night I had a dream where I am retelling my dream.  I am walking down my street that my house is on.  I stop to look at the beautiful landscape and the clear blue sky.  I notice the sky is too perfect and I become aware that I am dreaming.  Since I am retelling my dream I tell those with me that everything I see here even in it’s perfect appearance is an illusion. But then something catches my eye.  The neighbor’s house has changed.  It is bigger than before. My house does boarder their house.  I walk by the two houses twice to try to figure out how it could have changed.  Somehow I know this is not an illusion.  The homes are real.  

 

Now inside my house I pass by a tiled fireplace and something catches my eye in the reflection of the tile.  In the tiles reflection I can see the truth.   I can see who is actually in the room.  I can see both the physical and those invisible beings from other dimensions.  I am amazed.  I confront the other worldly beings those who are otherwise invisible except when reflected.  I show them that I am not afraid.  They are beautiful to look at.  I play and dance with them. 

 

My ex Michael comes over but he cannot see them. He is happy to see me, so happy that he has alas found me.  I too am happy to see him.  He stands out on the front porch to have a smoke.  While out there the other dimensional beings over hear him saying how much he still loves and wants to be with me.  They share this secret with me.