A Family By Choice

I have been wanting to look back through my dreams for times when OB might have shown up in dreams.  I’ve journaled so many dreams that I can’t possibly remember them all.  One thing I love about WordPress is the ability to search the database for key words and to organize your dreams by associating categories.  Outside of my book, this WordPress is a black hole for my dreams.  For the most part all these years I journaled them once and moved on never really returning to them.  I knew someday I would need them.  I think the day has come.

Today I reached a new mile marker in the surrogacy journey.  I met with my surrogate and her husband at the fertility clinic for some pre-screening.  This was the first time meeting her husband and the 2nd time meeting IM.  It all went amazingly well.  I am so blessed to have been matched with IM.  Thanks to IM I now have a new family by choice.  I think it is going to be a very rewarding journey.  I already know it is spirit approved because of all the faerie dust that has graced my life.  The magic is beyond words.

The desire to have a little one has been something that has haunted me for a long time.  I’ve had so many subtle nudges from spirit as to the direction my life’s mission is to be fulfilled.  So much so that I simply cannot ignore them.  I had to acquiesce.  And I say acquiesce mainly because for a long time I didn’t think it was possible.  Single gay man at 54 having a baby are you crazy?  I would have loved to do it long time ago but now?  Why was spirit pushing me to have a baby?  And the more spirit pushed me in this direction the more my own inner true desire to be a parent came to the surface.  Till I just couldn’t deny myself this gift God is about to give me.  I do know IT WILL HAPPEN.   I have so much to write on this subject.  I thought I would start by collecting all the dreams and checking their categories.  So I did a search and this is the first dream I happened to click on.  Again I am floored.  Firstly, the dream is like no other dream.  I must have had it when I was very much engrossed in dream work because of the detail within the My Mother’s Name is Penny.

I’m amazed that in this dream the span of time seems like a story from my daily life.  For a time as I read it I questioned whether it was this really a dream? So precious is the message.  I wish I knew all the answers.  Just like in the dream I sit here fascinated by the life of Penny.  I keep reading her post cards that come in with the nightly Currier; the dream.  One message I get from this dream is that OB has a mom.

 

The Tab Is On Me

 

Last night I find myself at a bar where I have invited my friends to celebrate with me.  I am unsure what exactly I am celebrating.  Daniel Neusom (not sure where the name comes from) is the bartender.  He has expensive tastes so I know the service here can’t be cheap.  Everyone is given a round of drinks except me since I don’t care to drink.  Daniel tells me I can pay for the tab on my way out.  I didn’t think I’d be responsible for the entire bar tab when we ordered but I want everyone to have fun.  Daniel says if I am concerned about the tab I can also choose not to pay it and simply leave.  The second option doesn’t sit well with me but I do not know if I have enough to cover the tab or how much the tab is.  I’m afraid to ask as a part of me doesn’t want to know but I also don’t want to shrug my responsibility.  I ask Daniel how much it is.  He looks at the sales slips and sums it up.  $38 dollars he says.  Believing the tab to be fair I tell him to charge my card I want to close out the tab to leave.  He proceeds to do so.

I then find other areas of my life where I once had debts disappear.  Money and accounts and debts I didn’t know how to access are suddenly understood.  It is as if by addressing taking the action to address the one it allowed for everything else to shift bringing all my debts into clear understanding and allowing them now to shift and reconcile.   I now actually have a credit balance of $200 dollars after all my debts have been paid.   I feel good about myself and so relieved to be debt free.

~~~End of Dream

On a side bar, I’ll answer the question why 753.  If you noticed on my Vision Board posted to my Socks at the Kids Table , there is a space on the vision board with a mirror where I positioned myself and wrote the number 753.  This has to do with my ex Joe with whom I have been tied financially for the past 8 years to a property down in Miami Florida.  He has not been willing to sell the property to get me off the mortgage and has been very bad about paying the mortgage on time.  He has occupied the property since we split up and it was understood that he would keep up the mortgage, refinance it and get me off.  8 years and he had not done so until this month when he finally sold it but only after not making a mortgage payment on the loan for 11 months.  Needless to say he damaged my credit by doing so.  He has a pattern of making payments late.  Before his recent troubles my credit was at a decent 753.  I have stellar credit always paying my bills on time and never carrying any balances on credit cards.  I was so relieved to finally have the burden of this noose from my neck lifted.  I prayed to God and set my intention on the Vision Board to help improve my credit.  Today I checked my credit score on Credit Karma and it is now 743 just 10 point under my previous score.  I appears the bank went in and payed off the loan and removed some of the delinquencies without me asking for it.  And just like in my dream my debts were paid.  God is good.  AMEN!

 

My Work is Complete

April 29, 2018

Last night I had a dream where I am at work.  I discover there is a project where my boss needs my attention but he has omitted telling me about it.  I just happen to notice it as the paper work crosses my desk because it is due now.  There are several people named in the document and to my surprise I am also named.  I am surprised because I wouldn’t expect to see my name as a party to an agreement such as this.  Yet the agreement isn’t signed by anyone and yet it is due now.  I am conflicted because on the one hand if I carry this through to ensure it is ratified I appear to be doing it for self interest since I am named.  Yet I wasn’t aware of my name in the document until now.  It feels like it is intended for me as a beneficiary or benefactor of the agreement.  The parties are out of the country possibly in Brazil in a foreign land.  The challenge is I am not quite prepared to meet the many requirements which are formalities and process around the execution of the contract.  I think about all the steps I would need to do in order to arrange the many parts enumerated in the agreement.  It seems I can’t possibly carry out all it’s parts in the time frame allocated for it’s execution without an act of God.

Fearing defeat but actually not so much defeat since I had not pursued this option for myself.  I had nothing invested in it to feel any sense of loss.  The loss I feel is on behalf of my boss whose intent it was to execute this contract.  I know it wouldn’t have been written if he had not wanted it to take place even in naming me as a party.  I do not want to fail my boss even though I just found out about it. It is my desire to see his mission served whatever mission it may be.  His desire is my desire.

I then hear several people enter.  It is the hour that has come to pass.  Now is the time.  As I’m sitting there not knowing what to tell him.  I feel his presence come over my right shoulder as he whispers to me,  “I have taken care of it.  The work is done.”  Now as I look at the document time stands still the steps necessary for the process are complete one by one.  A signature and seal now appear. My work is complete.

 

 

Power to Create

This is not a dream.  It was the letter I wrote to myself during my Mankind Project New Warrior Initiation Weekend back in March of this year 2018.  After much hard warrior work we were asked to write ourselves a letter which would be mailed to us.  I don’t know where the words in this letter came from but upon reading it now the words were so powerful I thought I would share it here as this is the work of spirit.

Dear Ruben,

     You are embarking on a major change in your life.  One that will move you inline with your life’s mission.  Don’t feel lacking or unprepared for what you need for yourself and those that rely upon you will be provided by the universe and your engagement in it.  Reach within yourself.  Get in tune with how you feel about what life is asking you to do.  Events are placed in your life specifically to guide you.  Listen with your heart.  See with your touch.  Act with your gut and move with the mind.

     Release all preconceptions and bathe yourself in the knowledge that you are not alone.

     You have already lived this life before you were born.  The placement of your soul in human form is a reprieve to forget for a moment who you really are and where you came from to prove that you always are, always will be pure limitless potential.  Reach deep into your creative self and draw upon the canvas that is your life.  You have the power to change the world simply by living your truth.  Truth is the most powerful force in the universe.

     If children are what you wish to have then seek it without reservation.  Know that you have done this before.  The wisdom of child rearing is already in you.  You are only as old as you believe yourself to be.  Radiate your youth from your heart and know that time is an illusion.  The only thing that exists is now.  Live the now to the fullest and time will be what you want it to be in the hear and now.  Savor it.  Worship it.  Become one with it.  All things exist in you and are projected out into the world by your truth and your desire to create.

Love

Ruben 3-3-2018

Impressions of a Trapeze Artist – A False Start

Five male trapeze artists performing at a circus, 1890

I had a dream that it’s the day after my last day at work and I find myself back at my old job.  I’m trying to find my way out once I realize that I shouldn’t be here.  I can see the work configurations have changed.  There is someone working at my old desk.  They are telling me that I am welcome to share the space with them and start my own business.  I can see the possibilities for me.  I know I should leave because I’m not supposed to be there.  I work my way down to the 2nd level which I thought was where I can exit the building.  I find myself on the level where the cafeteria is.  I can see my old boss Deb Reilly.  I’m afraid she will notice me and wonder how I gained access to the building.  I’m trying to find a ramp that will take me from the second floor out the building.  There are foreign workers there who have abilities similar to trapeze artists.  This one woman is scaling the french balconies with ease.  I’m afraid she is being a bit reckless but she manages to amaze me with her abilities.  She is unafraid in the least. She knows I’m watching.  I wake up thinking my exit on the the second floor was a false start.

This morning as I awoke after I having snoozed my alarm and had a vision.  I can see a scene before me with some blue and white clouds with the silhouette  of a mermaid’s lower body.  The scene provided just enough imagery for me to figure it out for myself.  I then saw what looked like little grey frogs  crossing the road in front of the mermaid.  I looked carefully at the little frogs to see if they were mini people or insects.  They appeared to look more like little people but the way they jumped was more like frogs.  They seem quite happy in this child like environment; innocent and peaceful and tension free not a care in the world.  Right before the scene came to an end I see someone approaching from the left in the foreground.  A human of normal proportion as though I was watching a TV screen and someone came in front of the screen to peak and see if I am still watching or asleep.  The person peaked in partially looked at me stood there and gave me a look that said, “Did you get that?”

 

 

Green Man Addendum – A Measure of Wheat for a Penny

April 6, 2018

Waking up this morning it felt reminiscent of the dream that i had 2 nights ago the night I couldn’t remember my dream.  This is because when I awoke I initially couldn’t remember a thing except for a phone call I had just received  before I woke up.  I heard someone’s cell phone ring next to me.  I looked over at the cell phone and thought it might be mine but on closer examination it wasn’t mine.  I thought I would answer it on behalf of the person whose cell phone it belonged to.  I answer and say, “Hello.”  The person on the other end asks to speak with Nevitt.  I sit up look around the room to see if there is a Nevitt here.  I then realize I’m dreaming and the only Nevitt I know is my neighbor who lives up the street.  It also occurs to me that anytime I hear my cell phone in a dream its from my guardian angel Jennifer.  I was reminded of this fact yesterday when I read my dream from my book which i posted yesterday.   This phone call just didn’t feel like a dream even though it was.  At this point I’m sitting up in my bed looking for the owner of the cell phone which I guess must be me since I am the dreamer.

I got myself up and headed for the bathroom struggling to remember any part of the dream leading up to the phone call.  I then recall seeing my mom carrying a large bird on her shoulder.  The bird had bright yellow feet.  I also recall walking in my mom’s back yard off of Loma Drive in Los Angeles where I see a set of spiral stairs that she had recently put in.  The stairs are made of concrete.  I recall the risers being very smooth and shallow hugging the slope of the hill.  The treads contained large gravel stones that created small impressions and bumps on the tread.   I remember thinking to myself that the steps appear to be very similar to the ones I had had placed in a very similar space.  How is it that they are the same as the ones I recall yet I don’t even recognize them.  There is a familiarity yet there is not.  It felt like a paradox.  I then recall a gathering of people who were celebrating with sparkling water which at first glance looks like Cognac because of the purity of the water and its slight yellow coloration.  This elixir they are serving is referred to as liquid viagra.   Knowing drinking doesn’t agree with me they also have several vials of colored water.  There are vials in every color of the rainbow.  I’m told these too are liquid viagra and suggest that I partake.  I walk over to examine the vials.  The quantities are going quickly as guys are coming over to help themselves.  I decide to take one or two for myself.  There aren’t enough remaining to represent a full rainbow anymore.  I hastily grab two then notice that the person behind behind me is left with only one.  Feeling empathy for him, I offer him mine.  The dream ended there.

So why the addendum? Well during my morning coffee I thought of ways to improve or add to my sacred space.  Calling on sacred objects from the past that I can place in the present to enhance my morning prayers.  I remembered I have a Buddha in the basement which this Buddha also has a host of history that I can share.  We’ve had many a late night conversation.  So I ran downstairs to bring her up.  I always refer to my Buddha statue in the feminine  because she has a feminine sounding voice in my head when she talks to me.  I placed her on a bar stool in the dining room where I can see her from where i sit to have my coffee and morning prayer.  Staring at her and sipping my coffee I realize she is green and she in fact is actually a man.  She is a Green Man.

So today now April 7th, 2018 (tells you how long it takes for a dream to unfold and for me to journal one) I had a PIT Training Course to attend.  PIT is a training that is offered to new Mankind Project Initiates.  I became a Warrior this past March 2nd weekend.  Anyways, the training was held in a Meditation Studio.  Up on the wall was a very large Buddha sitting lotus in a Yellow robe.  Coincidence I think not.

An interesting story around my coming to the Mankind Project relates to another very powerful dream I had.  Before I can tell you about this dream first I must preface it with a story.  It takes me back to the very beginning when … well I will let the book tell it.

 

A Measure of Wheat for a Penny

“And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine.”  (Revelation 6:6 KJV)

 

For me, all the magic has revolved around a single penny–a wheat penny.  It began in the fall of 1995 with a series of precognitive dreams.  I had been seeing a therapist who suggested that I journal my dreams to help me get in touch with a host of unresolved issues. I felt very much an outcast.  I was poor, Hispanic, gay, and HIV positive.

I desperately wanted to reconcile my life to God.  My best friend had just passed away from AIDS and I did not want to die without coming to know God.  The precognitive dreams concerned a book that ironically my therapist had also asked me to read.  The book was “Iron John, A Book about Men”, by Robert Bly.  For the last three chapters of the book, I would dream the night before about chapters in the book I had yet to read.  How is it that I knew the story line of the last three chapters in the book before ever having set my eyes upon those pages?  Information that seemed at first to be meaningless hooked my interest and forced me to look around and ask, “Is someone or something out there, or is God trying to get my attention?”

The answer came in a subsequent dream.  This dream is the hallmark of all the dreams in my life. It led me to know there is a God setting everything into motion guiding my path toward self-actualization and revealing my purpose in life.

Dream: Wait One Cent (October 15, 1995)

I am working at an elementary school servicing the lunch lines for the kids. I usually eat my lunch before their lunch hour begins but today I do not have a meal ticket. The supervisor of the cafeteria tells me that she has an extra meal ticket that I can have but before I can have it, I must agree to pick up all the pennies that have fallen on the ground.  I agree and proceed to get down on my knees to collect the fallen pennies.  There are so many pennies that I cannot hold them all in my hands.  They begin falling out of my hands.  I am trying hard not to drop any while at the same time picking up the remaining pennies that are still on the ground.  I am anxious because I want to get my food before it is too late.  I finally get to the last penny and I notice it looks different from all the others.  It is a very old penny with much wear on it.  As I pick it up and look closely, I realize that it is a wheat penny.

 

The next day after I finished reading “Iron John”, I decided to stop after work at Borders Bookstore to buy another book.  At the suggestion of my therapist, I purchased, “Fire in the Belly, A Book about Being a Man”, by Sam Keen.  As I walked out of the store, I quickly took the book out of the bag to page through it.  Standing in front of Borders Books, I suddenly had a very strange feeling of déjà vu, except I could not pinpoint what it was that I had already seen or experienced.   Puzzled, I scratched my head and looked around to try to piece the puzzle together.  My eyes then fell to my feet and to my total disbelief I found myself standing in the middle of a bunch of pennies that someone had apparently dropped on the ground.  Memory of the dream immediately came rushing back into my mind.  There were no nickels, dimes or quarters; only a bunch of pennies.  I could not believe it.

This was apparently just another manifestation in a series of precognitive dreams.  I knew God had to be at work here. I just did not understand what he was trying to tell me.  Remembering the dream and knowing I had agreed to pick up the pennies, I got down on my knees to collect the fallen pennies.  One by one I picked them up.  Would the last penny in fact be a wheat penny?  I just knew in my heart that it had to be true.  I had called on God and this was God’s way of answering.  This was about a dream come true.  In my mind I prayed, “God, if there is something you want me to do, Lord, please make it clear to me now.”

There were dozens of pennies.  When I came to the last penny, I paused, not knowing what to expect.  Were the heavens going to open up?  Was I going to hear God’s voice?  Would an angel appear in front of me?  Since it was already nightfall, I picked up the last penny and stood up and walked over to the window display of the bookstore to have a close look at this miracle penny.  Upon examination and to my amazement the penny was in fact a wheat penny.

I felt overwhelming joy and peace in knowing God was really out there.  On the other hand, I still had no clue what he was trying to tell me. I had a great sense of frustration come over me in not knowing what was being asked of me. “What do you want me to do?”  All my energy drained from my body and I just stood there with my body and head pressed up against the bookstore display window.  With my eyes closed and tears of frustration running down my face, I called out to God, “Please God, what is it you want me to do?”  Nothing.  I heard no voice, I saw no divine apparition, nothing.

“Whatever, let’s go,” I heard my ego say to me.  I wiped my tears and as I opened my eyes and regained my composure, it suddenly hit me. The answer was staring me in the face. I could practically hear God’s voice saying, “I want you to write a book.”

This book is the fulfillment of that request.

 

The saying, “Pennies from Heaven”, took on a personal meaning for me and dream journaling became my connection to God.  For the next 10 years, God would confirm his lessons in my external world with synchronicity by placing pennies in my path for me to find at precisely the right place and time.  The synchronicity of the pennies became unmistakably God’s voice.  Interestingly enough I always found pennies in groups of ones or threes and I knew God in His own way was winking at me letting me know that I was on the right track.

 

For those 10 years not much happened; I did my dream work and studied anything and everything I could get my hands on: Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Edgar Cayce, Self Realization Fellowship, philosophy, mysticism and mythology.  Having been raised Catholic, and being gay, I really did not have a good taste for Christianity.  However, with the sense that God really cared about me, I wanted to give Christianity another try and study it for myself instead of relying on what others had to say.  Therefore, I renewed my interest in Christianity and began studying the Bible independently and with different Christian denominations, including the Mormons. Of course, as soon as I told them I was gay, they all wanted me to renounce my so-called lifestyle choice and be baptized.  Since I would not do that, they eventually wrote me off as a lost soul and went about their business.  However, I knew that God had not abandoned me; he was with me.  I persisted in my independent study and eventually found a non-denominational Christian church that did accept me.  I was baptized by them since I felt baptism into the Catholic faith was not my conscious choice as an infant.

 

Things finally began to shift into high gear in the summer of 2005. I began to see with my eyes closed, colored lights panning back and forth in my field of vision when I was falling asleep at night.  Trying to find the cause of these lights, I researched the Internet and found instances where terminally ill patients often reported having mystical experiences similar to mine several months before dying.  Was I having a mystical experience?  More importantly, was I nearing my own death?  In November of that year, I took a trip to visit my parents in California.  While on that trip one day my sister and I were talking and out of the blue she shared with me that she had this synchronistic thing happening with finding pennies.  She had never shared her penny experiences with me and I never thought to share mine with her.  We looked at each other in disbelief.  I also shared with her my mystical experience of seeing the colored lights.  I affectionately termed the experience “my night lights”.

I took this coincidence to be a sign from God signaling me to put pen to paper or fingertips to keyboard and began the actual writing process for the book He had wanted me to write.  I still did not know what God wanted me to write about, but I assumed it had to do with my life experience and dream work as a source of divine guidance.

That trip was full of synchronicities but now the synchronicities were shared between me, my sister and the universe. Suddenly the phenomenon involved a person outside of me. We were like kids in a candy store. My sister and I began talking almost every day.

END EXCERPT

The coincidence here is that the Mankind Project basis much of it’s work on the story Iron John.

Santa’s Paradox

Apr 04, 2018,

So last night I had a dream that I couldn’t remember yet here it is.  My alarm rang and I knew I had at least one snooze before I had to get up out of bed.  I also had to pee and I know you can’t fully enjoy a snooze while having to pee at the same time.  As I turned to lift the covers there beside my bed was a man, a green man.  I paused for a moment to look at his eyes and the green fur that covered his face.  His eye lashes gently opened and closed. As I rolled out of bed my knee hit his knee, I thought, “How could that be?”  Upon lifting my sheets there was a pillow beside my knee.  How clever for him to have placed  a prop.  So I ran along to the bathroom.  As I stood there I remembered vividly what I had been dreaming.  Repeating it over and over in my head so as to not forget.  With time constraints, I decide that would be the manner in which I would remember the dream.  I flushed and returned to bed where the green man still sat. I carefully slipped back into bed.  10 minutes later the alarm rang for a second time.  I looked over to find the green man had gone and with him the entire memory of the dream.

I thought it a great opportunity to start adding my book to my blog since I didn’t have a dream to journal.   Its a lot of work to keep up with my dreams so it is nice to have a day here and there to make them presentable.  My intention was to publish my book “In the Course of a Dream, Emmanuel for Love”  in its entirety on my blog to make it easy for me to search key words and simply to make it publicly available.  I had a little time before work so I turned on the TV for background noise and tuned to my favorite shows on Amazon.    I started watching an Amazon recommended program just for me, “New Energy Series, Free Energy – The Race to Zero Point”.  I remember there was a dream in my past where Zero Point had come up in the book back when I knew nothing about Zero Point.  Having the PDF of my book loaded and handy on my computer I searched for Zero Point and here is where the magic began to unfold.

Now I haven’t looked at my book in a long long time.  I also knew there was a purpose in my having written the book even if it was to merely guide my life.  I somehow know the book and dreams are a key part to fulfilling my mission.  So I took a moment to reacquaint myself with it.  I paused to take in the title page, the copywrite page and then the inscription which reads:

Spirituality is a treasure
to live for all humanity,
to overcome a notion,
in a time when spirits rejoice.

I then searched for the reference to Zero Point and was taken to:

A Visit with Santa Claus

I am in a Harry Potter stadium where I am trying to find my way back home.  I go flying and flying on my magic carpet, trying to find my resting place.  The people who live in this area travel on bicycles that fly through the air.  They simply fly.  I feel like I am on Crown Hill where I used to live as a kid.  I try to go back to my childhood house but the scenery and hillsides look different.  I am slightly disoriented.  I land my magic carpet on a hillside and walk along the front yard of a house, not knowing where I am or how to get home.  It is about four in the morning, and it is still dark outside.  The man of the house is standing near an arched trellis with his two dogs.  I tell him that I am lost and disoriented.  I ask him if he could please show me the way out and point me in the direction of my birthplace. 

He takes my hand under his arm and walks me under the archway and through a door.  He opens the door and walks me across the threshold to the other side and says, “There you are.” Looking around there is nothing but a dense fog and clouds. Fearing he might leave me here and close the door behind me, I grab tight onto his arm and ask him to please guide me and tell me in which direction I should head. With all the clouds here, I would never be able to find my way back home.  He then says, “You can go this way or you can go that way,” as he points in opposite directions. Unsatisfied with his answer, I cling to his arm.  He then says, “My son, no matter where you go, you pull the universe with you. You are home.” 

As he says those last three words, his face begins to transform before my eyes.  In his face is the face of every human being that has ever lived.  With that, I realize who this man is and I become lucid.  This is the Face of God.  Knowing I need to take in the fullness of this moment, I pause in thought to stare at the fullness with which he holds humanity in his countenance.  He now has the look of Santa Claus, with spongy curly white hair, a white beard and rosy red checks.  He is talking to me and I can see his lips move with his every word. 

I began to wake up, and as I awakened and my eyes began to open in real life, I could see this man standing at my bedside.  Now fully awake in the presence of Santa Claus, I could hear him saying something.  I quickly reached for my voice recorder so as not to miss any words that he might say.  I began to lose the signal, so I meditated as he patiently waited for me to ready my recorder and continue the dictation.  “Spirituality is a treasure to live for all humanity, to overcome a notion, to be heard in a time when spirits rejoice.”

He then began signaling me to come follow him.  I was not sure where he wanted me to go because he was standing in front of my closet door.  So I said, ”Okay, but first I’ve got to go to the bathroom, would you please wait here and I’ll be right back, then we can go wherever you would like me to walk with you.”

I got up out of bed and made a mental note of the time.  It was exactly 4:33 am on the digital clock in my bedroom.  I went to the bathroom to do my business and came back to bed where the grey-haired Santa Claus was still patiently waiting for my return.  I hopped back into bed with my voice recorder in hand ready to dictate whatever the old gentleman had to say.  He was telling me how to find my way home.  He said it didn’t really matter which direction you go, you pull the universe with you.  He then pulled out one of those birthday party whistles, the type that unravels when you blow air through it.  He said it has to do with “zero point” and the sound of the universe when you blow through the party whistle.  Each time he blew through the whistle the tube unraveled.  I could see a bright red light at the end of it.  From blowing his whistle, my bedroom began to fill with red light.  The red light emanated from the tip of the extended party whistle.

I gazed into it and saw a crystal lens much like the one I see when I meditate on my third eye.  He was basically telling me that he is the force that provides the propulsion energy flowing through the party whistle.

I think they were celebrating my arrival because he continued to blow through his party whistle over and over again.  Maybe they knew I was having a birthday party tonight.

His image slowly faded but in the red light that still filled my room I saw a vision of a little cartoon mole or chipmunk that had come to lead me down the road.  This creature was telling me to follow him.  At the end of the road, I could see a baby chick that had just hatched out of its egg.  In the sky was a bright orange sun and in the Heavens I could see a book whose pages were being blown by the wind.  The scene reminded me of the California Raisin commercials.  In the background, I could hear the words to that John Denver song, “Take Me Home, Country Roads.”

 

“Almost heaven, West Virginia,

Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River.

Life is old there, older than the trees,

Younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze.

 

Country road, take me home

To the place I belong,

West Virginia, mountain momma,

Take me home, country road.[1]

 

I am in complete and utter awe, or should I say utter aum, when I read my own dreams. Aum is said to be the sound of the universe.  I believe I have seen the face of God and have held his arm and asked him to guide me home.  In writing my dream and vision this morning of the grey-haired man that reminded me of Santa Claus, it all resonated within me.  At some level I felt God and the Universe were celebrating my birthday with me. Curiously, when I was writing my dream this morning and got to the part that reminded me of the California Raisins, my phone rang once and stopped. I paused for a second to see if caller ID would tell me who was calling but it did not ring again. The phone rang just once and stopped.  It was not even long enough for caller ID to register.

I felt a wave of synchronicity flow though me and thought how peculiar.  I then remembered back to the dream where Jennifer (my angel) had given me a cell phone that had programmed in it her number. She had instructed me to use it anytime I needed her.  Was this an encoded message from the universe?

Have you ever told a person, “If you want me to pick up the phone, send me a signal by letting the phone ring once, then hang up and wait a second and then call back and I’ll know it’s you calling me?”

I resumed writing down my dream and as my pinky finger hit the final ‘a’ in the word California, the phone rang again.  I paused to look over at the caller ID.  Believe it or not it was an out-of-state call.  The display on the caller ID read, “California.”  A mere coincidence to some, but for me it was my confirmation, which the universe always provides to let me know that I am on the right track and can trust in the messages from spirit that I am receiving.  God is so incredibly wonderful.  I love God with all my heart, mind and soul.

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I found it eerily interesting that today all the chimes that are ringing in heaven with synchronicity drew me to this dream because this dream is the heart and soul of the book.  I didn’t remember it being that now but i did use this as the inscription for the book so it must say something about the importance of this dream.  I never really understood the words of the inscription I simply knew it was important and I’ll confess I still don’t know the importance except for a glimmer of something that came through today.

Second this last year has been all about Santa Clause.  This will need further explaining which I can’t do here.  Suffice to say the topic was so pressing on me that I bought a Santa suit around Thanksgiving.  I knew I had to dress up as Santa for some reason.  I procrastinated till the last minute to order everything because the good gay boy that I am it had to be flawless.  I ordered really nice boots, a genuine leather belt,  the whole works.  The boots arrived literally the day before Christmas.  More on Santa later.  So there is something else I must tell you which I’ve been keeping to myself.  I am in the process of having a baby.  This too is a long story that needs a lot of explaining.  Between my coming around to having the desire to have a baby and the Santa suits I could probably write a book.  It feels very important to me so I need to write about it so I can later remember the details.

Moving on….so I am at the stage of being matched with a surrogate.  I have an agent.  I have names picked out the fertilization has been done and things are presently on ice meaning I have one frozen embryo.  So yesterday I messaged my agent to ask for an update on the surrogate and she indicated that the surrogate she had in mind previously has not been responsive to her messages.  Major bummer but she did say that she had others who could possibly work but she needed more time.

Going back to the Green Man, I am waiting to  hear the chimes of synchronicity when I begin watching the the Zero Point program in the background when the man narrating starts talking about the baby’s arrival.  That immediately caught my ear.  He was referring to the advances in zero point energy as being in it’s infancy but he kept using the analogy almost so much as for me to feel he was talking to me.  Already we had the subject of Zero Point and the hidden importance of Santa Claus not to mention the inscription of the book and now the BABY!!.  Holy Moly I thought I must be going to get news about the surrogate.  I no sooner thought that when the alert popped up on my computer that I had a message from my agent.  She had someone for me.  She even included a few pictures of her and her family.  As I’m scrolling through the pictures the last picture was of the surrogate and her family she has 3 kids and her a very prominent GREEN MAN the Grinch.  It was a Christmas picture.  Here was a family dressed in Christmas colors sitting with the Grinch, yes a GreenMan.  I think the Grinch is probably the dad because he was not a fake Grinch he was real GreenMan.

OK … it doesn’t end there.  So I am reading her profile and one thing that concerned me about her is her age.  She is 41 or 42.  I’m thinking isn’t that too old to bear children.  So I quickly do a search online and come to this….

yada yada yada ….

So what about the notion of delaying childbirth until a maternal age of 45, 50 or older? 

From <http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/5244/delaying-childbearing-how-old-is-too-old>

 

The one word in the inscription I had the most problem understanding is the use of the word notion.  What did he mean by that? Did I miss interpret him.  Well the answer now is no obviously.  I have been struggling with the notion that I am too old to be a father.  I am 54 at present.  Now I’m researching this as it relates to the surrogates age and not mine but it applied to me as well as the surrogate.  Maybe the inscription is for me to overcome the notion that I am too old to be a dad and in doing so knowing that God and God alone has picked the perfect surrogate for me.   My surrogate is Godsend.  Dreams are multidimensional and ring true on many levels.  They always have wordplay in them.  If you take the time to connect the dots something magical happens.  The other dimensions come alive as your awareness grows.  This is part of my mission to share my experience with dreams.  This is my truth.  This is how it happened.  I know it is magic in my life maybe you can find magic in your life.

Anyways I digress because yes i kid you not….there is more.  So case closed…guided by my dreams I know God is telling me I must over come this notion and get on board whole heatedly.  It also tells me that I should not fear or worry about her age.  I’m in God’s hands.  We are in God’s hands.  Ok so I’m on board with the surrogate so I set up a meeting to discuss her with my agent.  During the call she tells me a little more about her.  She’s been a surrogate before.  Then she tells me the name of the last surrogate baby she delivered.  The name is one of the two names I picked for my baby.  I can’t give you the name but I can tell you I chose a boy name and a girl name both names are a variation on each other ie the masculine and the feminine  version much like Robert and Roberta or Don and Donna.  Can’t spill the beans here with the name.  My jaw literally hit the floor.  This surrogate has created space for my baby’s name.

So on a side note….I was so heart broken when some of the embroyos died and didn’t make it to blastocyst.  I had no idea of the numbers game with fertility.  I was also very conflicted about choosing a boy or a girl if i had the choice say for example I had 3 eggs 2 boy and a girl do you choose the boy or the girl.  Would the one resent me in the heavens for not picking them.  If you read back at my mermaid dream when I received the first news of the eggs not progressing.  I believe the mermaid came to foretell me the outcome.  So that further sealed the deal with me.

One last tidbit…the man narrating the program his last name was Bearden.  As you may already be aware I am a bear within the gay community.  My DVR is labeled Bearden.

Oh one more thing….so Debbie Downer Grinch came in to refute my claims of God inspiration and so I looked up the probability of the occurrence of words in the English language.  For instance what would be the probability of the word notion appearing given a single occurrence?  What is the probability of seeing the word Santa in a reference?  Come to find out Google can tell you this information. Santa has a 0.002%, Notion is a 0.005% and Baby is 0.006% and Grinch is 0.0000006544 which is about the likelihood of ZERO POINT.

 

Today magic is all around me.  Spirit dwells among me and as for the Holy Moly Mole one must have a little fun with it I suppose.

[1]               “Take Me Home, Country Roads,” John Denver, Bill Danoff and Taffy Nivert 1971

 

My Mother’s Name Is Penny

Last night I had a dream.  I receive in the mail a postcard addressed to a woman who does not live in my house.  The woman lives in Washington State whereas I live in Washington, DC.  It is addressed to the organization she represents in care of her.   My attention is drawn to the name of her organization, “The Foundation of Pennies” which is similar in name to my website “Penny For My Thought.” 

 

 

The next day again I receive another postcard addresses to the Foundation in care of this woman who I don’t know.  Each card I receive gives me a small clue as to the nature of the business she represents.  Over the next few days I continue receiving mail for this woman.  In my curiosity to find out more about the Foundation and it’s similarity in name to mine, I decide to open her mail.  Slowly but surely through the opened correspondences, I learn more about the woman without having ever met her.  I learn that she is a lesbian who is an advocate for gay, lesbian and transgender issues.  Some of her mail contains newspaper clippings with photographs of her at various events.  

 

One day I receive a package that contains a video tape documentary which tells all about the work the woman is involved in for the Foundation.  As I’m watching the documentary I hear a knock at the door.  It is a special delivery addressed to this woman.  I immediately sign for the package and in walks a little boy.  This is her son.  He is cute around the age of seven.  Since he sees me watching his mom on television he settles in to my house without questioning where he has been sent or that he might have been sent to the wrong address.  I think, now I’m really in trouble.  How do I explain to the boy or any other authorities my behavior of having opened mail that does not belong to me?  I’m sure it is a felony to do so.  I want to keep the child along with all the mail I’ve already opened because I am fascinated by the life this woman leads.  I’m worried that I would be accused of kidnapping the child even though he was rightfully delivered to my home.  For a few days, I say nothing to the boy as he remains happily in my care. 

 

Finally I decide to ask him about his mother.  He tells me his mother’s name is Penny.  I then tell him that he was delivered to the wrong address and I confess that I don’t personally know his mother.  He then shows me the envelope that came with his delivery which he had maintained in his pants pocket.  The envelope is sealed and addressed to me.  In it are a collection of postage stamps and a letter signed by Penny.  I now have the impression this was all done for a reason.  

foun·da·tion
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
1: the act of founding
2: a basis (as a tenet, principle, or axiom) upon which something stands or is supported <the foundations of geometry> <the rumor is without foundation in fact>
3 a: funds given for the permanent support of an institution : endowment b: an organization or institution established by endowment with provision for future maintenance
4: an underlying base or support ; especially : the whole masonry substructure of a building
5 a: a body or ground upon which something is built up or overlaid b: a woman’s supporting undergarment : corset c: a cosmetic usually used as a base for makeup