Baby Blue Ceremonial Dress

My mom and her sisters are all wearing similar dresses that my aunt Helen made.  The dresses are white and baby blue.  There is a room with some old sofas where some young adolescents are hanging out some are trying to sleep there.  The beds do not have mattresses just the springs upon which the cushions would go so they have laid comforters over the springs to lessen the pain.  They are installing a peep hole but this peep hole is about 3 inches in diameter and about a foot long with a large camera inside that allows you to look to the other side.  I pause to think, “That is the largest peep hole I’ve ever seen.”  My mom wears her dress ceremoniously along with her sisters.  I can see them crossing the street walking one after the other.  My mom changes into another dress immediately after the processional crossing.  I ask, why she took the dress off to which I’m not really given a straight answer.  I get the impression she wants to maintain its significance.

THE BABY IS IN THE BAG!

 Kari Strand http://jpgmag.com/photos/3110860
Picture by Kari Strand

June 22, 2018

While on my first MKP Staffing at Claymont Court in Charles Town, WVa it was my first night there we had arrived on the 21st and as customary I was eager to have a dream to share in open circle this morning.  When I was about to wake up I remembered, don’t forget you’re bags.  My mind wanted to recover the dream but the dream interpreted it as my bags.  So I returned to the dream.

I re-enter the dream space to recover my bags.  Sitting in the the right side of an otherwise empty room is one of those grocery shopping bags you take with you to the market to avoid using plastic bags.  I rush over and quickly grab the straps of the bag.  As I turn I become aware of the walls in the dream which are constructed of flowing energy the energy is alive like colonies of ants withing bubbles that float to and fro across the canvas waiting their next assignment.  I recall my purpose completing my turn and glimpse the contents of the bag.  I am expecting to see my cloths and sheets and other articles from the weekend adventure but instead deep in the bad is a baby swaddled in a blanket sleeping.    The surprise jars me awake.

In morning circle I shared my dream and as I was sharing it the meaning hit me, The Baby is in the Bag.  It is quite coincidental I found this picture on the net with a baby boy in a King grocery bag.  If you are familiar with the work men do within Mankind Project you would know we look at our shadows and the archetypes of King, Magician, Warrior and Lover in mythological story of Iron John so the picture seemed PERFECTLY suited for my dream.

 

 

 

Sketch: Side Shoot Process

June 18, 2018

I had a dream that kept repeating all night long.  Every time I rolled over or slightly woke to readjust myself or drink water (i was thirsty all night) I would think about the focus of the dream.  The message was that something had to happen first; a side shoot process.  I clearly see the process in my mind. I held it in my right hand and the main process is in my left hand.  Everyone in my dream seems to want to jump the gun and move directly to the main process.  I keep having to correct them and remind them about the process and showing them what is in my right hand which must come first.  Everyone is excited about moving forward.  The process seems to relate to the surrogacy.  I describe the main process as getting pregnant and implanting the embryo.  The side process I equate to finalizing the legal contract which must come first.  Every time I woke up during the night I felt so good about what was happening around me in the dream.  I feel confident and assured in the process.

The last time I I woke up to roll over I began a new dream which served to clarified the process in my right.  I am in a prison of sorts under confinement.  I don’t necessarily belong here I just happen to appear in the dream in this place.  My friend Quetta is with me.  We are talking and talking and exploring the various realms within the dreamland.  I sense it is time to go as the gates of the prison are closing.  I believe they suspect I am here and want to confine me or entrap me.  We start walking toward the exit or an opening which we believe to be the exit.  As we approach, I sense this to be what the opposing force wants me to do to confine me.  I am unafraid and therefore continue walking toward the opening.  I pass by a set of windows where the guards are seated inside.  I wave at them putting my thumbs in my ears and fanning my palms just like kids do to mock someone.  They immediately react.  I believe I caught them off guard not expecting me to approach this close to them within their territory.  The opening becomes narrower and narrower.   I remain unafraid.  I’m told of an alternate route through which we can pass.  There is a train beyond the opening.  If we can make it onto the train we will be free.  We seem to be high up on the walls looking down on the doors below us.   If we are to leave through the doors we must descend the wall.  Knowing I wouldn’t be able to descend a wall like that in physical form I choose instead to ascend using my dream powers.  As I ascend, my body passes by  a watch tower where another set of guards are stationed.  Again they see me and scramble.  I wave to them in the same way.

I now find myself on the train platform.  The train has just arrived and the doors are now open.  I embark the train but realize I have lost contact with my friend Quetta.  I pause for a moment and wonder if he might have gotten on the train.  Then I remember Quetta is passed away and is no longer with us on earth.  Knowing he is ok and possibly still with me invisible I continue onto the train.  I have no idea where I’m headed.  I sit on the seat and remember I have left my car in the parking lot of the prison.   Yet I’m not worried since I don’t seem to need it for the moment.

As the train departs, my consciousness takes flight.  Instead of simply leaving this place I hover around taking note of what is happening below me.  I recall other dreams where I am able to fly at extreme heights.  I try to ascend to those heights but something seems to be holding me back.  I am on the train.  Trying a new thought, I wonder if I can possibly swivel my seat one would assume the train seat is fixed.  With the thought my seat swivels responding to my want and desire.  Once again I take the opportunity to swivel back and forth over the area now controlling the direction the train is going.  I am able to overlook the space of my confinement to examine how things work here and learn the inner workings and relationships at play.  Those who are following me are simply feet away.

I become aware Quetta is still with me somewhere at a distance.  I am somehow still able to communicate with him.  I tell him there are those who pursue me trying to impede my progress.  I say it very matter of fact as an observation and simply move on with our conversation picking up where we had left off.  I feel like a kite in the air flying too and fro with no real urgency to go in any which direction.  I think eventually I may need to find a hotel to stay in and possibly reclaim my car.  We decide to send someone else for my car and learn the vehicle has been removed and confiscated by the opposition.  I lament briefly believing it was a nice Mercedes but thinking after all it is just a car.

The dream ends here but before it ended I am presented with a few images.  The images look like pencil drawings; outlines.  The first image has the most detail quite possibly the finished product a vision of what is to come.  The screen is erased.  A new image appears.  I see every line being drawn on the canvas until the image is complete.  It too is erased.  Once again a new image appear slowly line by line.  This process repeats with each iteration of the same image differing slightly and with each successive iteration becoming more simplified.  The final few iterations vert simple and they serve as lessons on how the canvas is drawn.  I am allowed to see the lines as they are drawn in slow motion.  The lines have form and intent.  I can see they are purposeful and not random.

 

 

IMAGE: Title: Penn’s greene country towne; pen and pencil sketches of early Philadelphia and its prominent characters
Year: 1903 (1900s)
Authors: Hotchkin, S[amuel] F[itch], 1833- [from old catalog]
Subjects: Penn, William, 1644-1718
Publisher: Philadelphia, Ferris & Leach
Contributing Library: The Library of Congress
Digitizing Sponsor: Sloan Foundation

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Journeyman: Maggie’s Dragonfly

June 15, 2018

I don’t remember much of last nights dream except for the very end after having gone to the bathroom to wiz and during my snoozing i came face to face with a man.  He is the same man from my previous dream.  I am the man.  It feels like the dream wants to give me another opportunity to see myself as I truly am.  This time instead of the image of the man as a picture it is the actual man with substance and form.  However his substance is etheric.  His body is luminescent pale grey and somewhat transparent.  His features are clearly detailed by the hand of a master.  His eye are light blue and his iris’s are full with detail.  I gaze directly into his pupils to see deep within his soul.  His presence remained with me for a fair amount of time in this fully lucid and semi awake state.  I understood this being to be my higher self the greater part of me which is all knowing which transcends time and space.

I am presented with a post card.  The post card is addressed to me.  Where the stamp would go is his image just as he appeared to me over which is the postal carriers seal.  The post card details his journey and the places he has been and his many experiences.

~~~~~ DREAM ENDS

 

I am often left in a state of awe.  Today is one of those days.  Just yesterday my surrogate IM shared something quite amazing that relates to my dreams in a very special way.  While at Lowes something caught her daughter’s eye when she realized there was a dragonfly trapped in the greenhouse.  She was able to get it onto her hand and walk out to the open garden section where it could fly free.  It flew away but quickly looped back to her and paused for a minute before leaving completely.

Now one might say oh just a dragonfly who cares but in light of the dreams I’ve had recently with dragonflies and the connection to the surrogacy process they bring its just one more affirmation from spirit confirming what is in the heavens being materialized.  Now this was no ordinary dragonfly this one was huge.  Most of the ones I’ve ever seen have been small 1 or 2 inches.  This one was extra large maybe 4 inches with an incredible wingspan.  The dragonfly sat perfectly still on her daughters hand while she journeyed through the store  and outside.  She shared this image.

 

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Post It Ruben

I woke up briefly in the middle of the night to roll over half asleep and still dreaming,  I got comfy in my new position.  I then saw a group of post-it notes fly in front of me as if on a cloths line.  The post-its dangled forcefully in front of me as if to imply, THIS IS IMPORTANT.  As I examine the writing i notice the writing is in cursive in a faint baby blue color.  I can barely make out what it says.  Knowing I won’t be able to translate it literally since I am never really successful in reading things in dreams,  I take in the note in it’s entirety allowing myself to feel the writing. I imagine myself as the writer and what i felt at the time the note was written.  What message do I want to tell myself right now?  Still awake in real life, I think to myself, “you better grab your voice recorder under my pillow and try to record what is on the note..  But my tired eyes would not allow the movement of my arms.

The scene changes and now in place of post-it notes I see faces on the line just like the post-it notes.  They are still images of a man.  I recognize the man.  It is me.  The picture is of me but it is not a me I recognize yet I know the person in the image to be me.  I am the man in the picture.

I then fell deep into my sleep no longer recalling anything that came after.

The minute I woke up in the morning I had the thought, “that was an important dream that must be noted.”  I struggled to reflect for a moment what was so important to remember.  I thought you’ll never remember since I knew it occurred in the middle of the night and I was doubtful I had recorded anything on my voice recorder.  It then came rushing back.  I could see once again the post-it notes and the face of the man.

I found this image of anti-bullying post-it notes from Spring High School in Eugene Oregon.

.

Look At Me Bobby

June 6th, 2018

I had a dream where my mom has a museum where she displays artifacts from history.  The artifacts have religious or spiritual connotations.  Things like tuning bowls, instruments, mandalas etc.  My mom lives in the house behind the museum.  Someone comes into the museum looking for her wanting to borrow my bike. The person is a cousin possibly Victor.  I’m thinking I hope my mom hasn’t started lending out my things to people because these things are things I cherish and have great value and memories tied to them.  I don’t seem to remember how to get to her house.  He tells me they need access to the water lines.  As he is leaving, I tell him,  I am the son of Otilia.  I then discretely follow behind him knowing if I follow him he will lead me to where my mom is or lives.  I may learn more about my mom.  Behind the house is a natural body of water which is very deep.  The water glows orange and yellow in the light of the sun.  He now has lion hair and a furr coat on.  He now reminds me of my cousin Jeannette.  She dives in to retrieve what they need to access the water main.  When she comes out at the other end I tell her she didn’t have to jump in the water with her coat on.  She then takes the coat off to dry it and now she is a man with a beautiful hairy chest.  I think to myself, why would you cover that up his beautiful furry chest with a furr coat?  He rushes off to get his firetruck.  I am looking in the direction where he went waiting to see him return when from behind a truck and trailer approach.  The truck has no sides or top.  I ask him if it is legal to drive around like that.  He gets off the truck and tells me this is his firetruck.

Scenes flash before me like short 3 second movie clips.  Messages from these people come rushing in.  In one clip, I see my son when he is young.  I stop the clip because after all its my dream and I want to see my son.  The dream pauses for just a moment long enough for me to get a good look.

(Click on above image it’s a 3 second clip)

In the time span of a breath I take in his image.  Feeling complete I exhale allowing the dream to continue.  I then see a man who looks at me.  I am still coming off the intense high of seeing my son so I am not paying much attention to anything else.  I feel like I have what I came for.  Again he makes a facial gesture indicating he too has a message for me.  I am still unable to focus.  He looks directly into my eyes and says,  “Look at me.”  I pause long enough for me to get a good look at this man.  The dream ends here as his image slowly fades from my mind.  Who is this man?

~~~~ DREAM ENDS HERE

I then woke up and recorded the details of the dream.  After my coffee I wanted to know who this man was.  Why was it so important for me to look into his eyes.  I said a prayer and walked into my library glancing slowly at the pictures on the shelves.  I wanted to find a picture with someone I can look into their eyes.  I then came to my Grandmothers photograph.  I stared at my Grandma for a few minutes and felt complete.

I then went upstairs to start my day.  The man’s face a man I’ve never seen before yet clear as day in my mind’s eye sat there not wanting to leave me.  I turned on the TV to watch MSNBC.  The news was having a segment honoring Robert F Kennedy.  It was a long segment on his life.  I am slightly annoyed because I want the regular news.  What is going on with Bobby Kennedy today that they are taking so much time recounting his life.  They then turned to a picture of him and OMG it was his face in my dream.  It was his face exactly.

I then went online to look for pictures of him to possibly look into his eyes.  Come to find out today it is the 50th anniversary of his death.  He died 50 years ago at Good Samaritan Hospital in Los Angeles.

My grandmother Simona Camargo also died at Good Samaritan Hospital when I was in the 8th grade probably 1978.  This is the picture I have of my Grandmother in my library.  I worked at Good Samaritan as a candy stripper the summer she died.  My aunt Helen also worked there as a nurse.  I thought it unusual when I came to her picture how perfect it felt to looking into her eyes.  I felt it must have been her.  I thought maybe my grandma came to me as a man in my dream but why would she do that?  Apparently there was so much more to be told.  What is the coincidence that today would be the anniversary of Bobby’s death.  Curious too the image I found online of bobby near the body of water is a 3 second clip much like the clips presented to me in the dream.  Had he possibly been swimming there in that picture?  And apparently he has a hairy chest.  So many coincidences.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it was OB I saw before this man showed his face.  Was it then OB all along showing me his firetruck?  I like the picture of Bobby and the little girl.  I imaging myself someday with OB.  I wonder is that was his daughter.  I don’t know much about Bobby Kennedy.  Was OB my Grandma and Bobby all in heaven conspiring to send me messages.  I think so. I am a blessed man to have a direct connection to the higher realms.

May you rest in Peace Bobby.  And to my Grandma I remember you like it was yesterday.  I will never forget you.  Le tengo mucho amor abuelita.

 

A Family By Choice

I have been wanting to look back through my dreams for times when OB might have shown up in dreams.  I’ve journaled so many dreams that I can’t possibly remember them all.  One thing I love about WordPress is the ability to search the database for key words and to organize your dreams by associating categories.  Outside of my book, this WordPress is a black hole for my dreams.  For the most part all these years I journaled them once and moved on never really returning to them.  I knew someday I would need them.  I think the day has come.

Today I reached a new mile marker in the surrogacy journey.  I met with my surrogate and her husband at the fertility clinic for some pre-screening.  This was the first time meeting her husband and the 2nd time meeting IM.  It all went amazingly well.  I am so blessed to have been matched with IM.  Thanks to IM I now have a new family by choice.  I think it is going to be a very rewarding journey.  I already know it is spirit approved because of all the faerie dust that has graced my life.  The magic is beyond words.

The desire to have a little one has been something that has haunted me for a long time.  I’ve had so many subtle nudges from spirit as to the direction my life’s mission is to be fulfilled.  So much so that I simply cannot ignore them.  I had to acquiesce.  And I say acquiesce mainly because for a long time I didn’t think it was possible.  Single gay man at 54 having a baby are you crazy?  I would have loved to do it long time ago but now?  Why was spirit pushing me to have a baby?  And the more spirit pushed me in this direction the more my own inner true desire to be a parent came to the surface.  Till I just couldn’t deny myself this gift God is about to give me.  I do know IT WILL HAPPEN.   I have so much to write on this subject.  I thought I would start by collecting all the dreams and checking their categories.  So I did a search and this is the first dream I happened to click on.  Again I am floored.  Firstly, the dream is like no other dream.  I must have had it when I was very much engrossed in dream work because of the detail within the My Mother’s Name is Penny.

I’m amazed that in this dream the span of time seems like a story from my daily life.  For a time as I read it I questioned whether it was this really a dream? So precious is the message.  I wish I knew all the answers.  Just like in the dream I sit here fascinated by the life of Penny.  I keep reading her post cards that come in with the nightly Currier; the dream.  One message I get from this dream is that OB has a mom.

 

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Last night I find myself at a bar where I have invited my friends to celebrate with me.  I am unsure what exactly I am celebrating.  Daniel Neusom (not sure where the name comes from) is the bartender.  He has expensive tastes so I know the service here can’t be cheap.  Everyone is given a round of drinks except me since I don’t care to drink.  Daniel tells me I can pay for the tab on my way out.  I didn’t think I’d be responsible for the entire bar tab when we ordered but I want everyone to have fun.  Daniel says if I am concerned about the tab I can also choose not to pay it and simply leave.  The second option doesn’t sit well with me but I do not know if I have enough to cover the tab or how much the tab is.  I’m afraid to ask as a part of me doesn’t want to know but I also don’t want to shrug my responsibility.  I ask Daniel how much it is.  He looks at the sales slips and sums it up.  $38 dollars he says.  Believing the tab to be fair I tell him to charge my card I want to close out the tab to leave.  He proceeds to do so.

I then find other areas of my life where I once had debts disappear.  Money and accounts and debts I didn’t know how to access are suddenly understood.  It is as if by addressing taking the action to address the one it allowed for everything else to shift bringing all my debts into clear understanding and allowing them now to shift and reconcile.   I now actually have a credit balance of $200 dollars after all my debts have been paid.   I feel good about myself and so relieved to be debt free.

~~~End of Dream

On a side bar, I’ll answer the question why 753.  If you noticed on my Vision Board posted to my Socks at the Kids Table , there is a space on the vision board with a mirror where I positioned myself and wrote the number 753.  This has to do with my ex Joe with whom I have been tied financially for the past 8 years to a property down in Miami Florida.  He has not been willing to sell the property to get me off the mortgage and has been very bad about paying the mortgage on time.  He has occupied the property since we split up and it was understood that he would keep up the mortgage, refinance it and get me off.  8 years and he had not done so until this month when he finally sold it but only after not making a mortgage payment on the loan for 11 months.  Needless to say he damaged my credit by doing so.  He has a pattern of making payments late.  Before his recent troubles my credit was at a decent 753.  I have stellar credit always paying my bills on time and never carrying any balances on credit cards.  I was so relieved to finally have the burden of this noose from my neck lifted.  I prayed to God and set my intention on the Vision Board to help improve my credit.  Today I checked my credit score on Credit Karma and it is now 743 just 10 point under my previous score.  I appears the bank went in and payed off the loan and removed some of the delinquencies without me asking for it.  And just like in my dream my debts were paid.  God is good.  AMEN!

 

My Work is Complete

April 29, 2018

Last night I had a dream where I am at work.  I discover there is a project where my boss needs my attention but he has omitted telling me about it.  I just happen to notice it as the paper work crosses my desk because it is due now.  There are several people named in the document and to my surprise I am also named.  I am surprised because I wouldn’t expect to see my name as a party to an agreement such as this.  Yet the agreement isn’t signed by anyone and yet it is due now.  I am conflicted because on the one hand if I carry this through to ensure it is ratified I appear to be doing it for self interest since I am named.  Yet I wasn’t aware of my name in the document until now.  It feels like it is intended for me as a beneficiary or benefactor of the agreement.  The parties are out of the country possibly in Brazil in a foreign land.  The challenge is I am not quite prepared to meet the many requirements which are formalities and process around the execution of the contract.  I think about all the steps I would need to do in order to arrange the many parts enumerated in the agreement.  It seems I can’t possibly carry out all it’s parts in the time frame allocated for it’s execution without an act of God.

Fearing defeat but actually not so much defeat since I had not pursued this option for myself.  I had nothing invested in it to feel any sense of loss.  The loss I feel is on behalf of my boss whose intent it was to execute this contract.  I know it wouldn’t have been written if he had not wanted it to take place even in naming me as a party.  I do not want to fail my boss even though I just found out about it. It is my desire to see his mission served whatever mission it may be.  His desire is my desire.

I then hear several people enter.  It is the hour that has come to pass.  Now is the time.  As I’m sitting there not knowing what to tell him.  I feel his presence come over my right shoulder as he whispers to me,  “I have taken care of it.  The work is done.”  Now as I look at the document time stands still the steps necessary for the process are complete one by one.  A signature and seal now appear. My work is complete.

 

 

Power to Create

This is not a dream.  It was the letter I wrote to myself during my Mankind Project New Warrior Initiation Weekend back in March of this year 2018.  After much hard warrior work we were asked to write ourselves a letter which would be mailed to us.  I don’t know where the words in this letter came from but upon reading it now the words were so powerful I thought I would share it here as this is the work of spirit.

Dear Ruben,

     You are embarking on a major change in your life.  One that will move you inline with your life’s mission.  Don’t feel lacking or unprepared for what you need for yourself and those that rely upon you will be provided by the universe and your engagement in it.  Reach within yourself.  Get in tune with how you feel about what life is asking you to do.  Events are placed in your life specifically to guide you.  Listen with your heart.  See with your touch.  Act with your gut and move with the mind.

     Release all preconceptions and bathe yourself in the knowledge that you are not alone.

     You have already lived this life before you were born.  The placement of your soul in human form is a reprieve to forget for a moment who you really are and where you came from to prove that you always are, always will be pure limitless potential.  Reach deep into your creative self and draw upon the canvas that is your life.  You have the power to change the world simply by living your truth.  Truth is the most powerful force in the universe.

     If children are what you wish to have then seek it without reservation.  Know that you have done this before.  The wisdom of child rearing is already in you.  You are only as old as you believe yourself to be.  Radiate your youth from your heart and know that time is an illusion.  The only thing that exists is now.  Live the now to the fullest and time will be what you want it to be in the hear and now.  Savor it.  Worship it.  Become one with it.  All things exist in you and are projected out into the world by your truth and your desire to create.

Love

Ruben 3-3-2018