A Horse is a Horse, of Course

May 11, 2018

Last night’s dream I don’t recall very much.  What I do remember is seeing the same repeating patterns over and over and over again.  I find myself gazing at beautiful blue, grey and now black shadows.  The image is presented to me much like a filmstrip in a movie theater as the credits go past the screen but instead of words they are patterns of blue, grey and black.  I associate blue and grey with OB from previous dreams and here the dream has introduced black.  The grey is comprised of what looks like patterns of leaves.  As the patterns pass by from bottom to top they invoke feelings as if generated by bubbles of emotion coming up from within me and onto the screen of my mind.  I am flooded with wonderful feelings of joy.  I am relaxed and free.  I take notice of the dream and desire knowledge on how the images are constructed.  I am able to determine a repeating pattern.  At this point the pattern stabilizes and comes into focus as moon struck images. I’ve not seen moon struck images in many years.  I can see the shadow profile of a man kissing what appears to be a horse or camel on the cheek.  I can only see the shadow of the neck and head of the animal.  He kisses and pats the horse in a sign of love, appreciation and admiration.

I  suddenly realize there is a man standing in front of me.  He wears a shaved head and face with about what would amount to a 3 day stubble all over.  I can see the man’s eyes as he looks dead set at me.  I know or am told I am the man.  Yet why would I be without a beard?  For a long time in my dreams, I was not seeing any men’s faces with beards.  I always thought it strange considering I am a lover of beards why wouldn’t my dreams hold more bearded men. I remember after coming to the awareness of it my dreams began introducing bearded men or possibly I became more aware of them. It seems strange for me to be witnessing a shift to the past as my dreams once were with moon struck images.  I sense a time shift occurring.  

DREAM ENDS HERE.

Something magical happened on this day.  The fertility clinic is requiring my GC IM to have a consultation with a MFM doctor.  She told me today that her midwife referred her to someone who she then called and made an appointment.  His name is Dr. Christmas.   What a magical coincidence.  Because the calling I had last year to do Santa was so strong.  I had so many dreams and visions with Christmas themes.  Unfortunately I wasn’t journaling during this time.  I remember having this one vision where I saw three cartoon children playing in the snow on a hill.  They were playing tumbling rolling down the hill.  As the tumbled down a windy path toward where I was the last tumble before they popped their heads up when they came up out of the snow they each had a white full Christmas beard and they all looked just like me when I was a kid.  It was so cute it just melted my heart.

I remember one dream where my bed was a sleigh ( I actually have a sleigh bed) and I was sweating under the covers and every time I moved or shifted my weight the humidity from under the sheets would rise and create snow all around us.  As we traveled on the bed my family and friends were with me on the sleigh we would make stops some in dangerous places where we had to hide under the covers.  It was hard to hide or go unnoticed because it kept snowing out of character.  Luckily the evil criminals never suspected anything believing instead that it was just an unusual anomaly.  I remember at the last stop i poked my head up from under the covers and father time with a long grey beard was sitting on the bed.

I rejected the messages that somehow I should be a Santa.  I also didn’t think I could be around children.  My self image of parenthood or Santa was so low.   Why would parents want a gay Santa?  As the holidays approached last year I began hearing the suggestion from so many friends I couldn’t hide anymore.  The universe wanted me to be a Santa.  I thought I could possibly visit nursing homes in costume (purposefully avoiding anything with children) I didn’t want to be rejected.  I ordered the costume online.  I ordered the best costume I could find with real leather boots and leather belt.  The boots literally arrived on Christmas eve.  I only wore the costume to some parties friends were having.  Although I did call some nursing home I didn’t have to courage to actually go.  Maybe this year with more time I’ll work on building on that courage.  I did get really good feedback from friends.

So I don’t know the full extent of this Christmas reference in the surrogacy process but I do know it’s all over the place.  It’s the universes intent.

 

 

Stroll On A Bird’s Perch

There is a guy who looks like David who is sitting at the bar.  The guy is my representative.   He holds the all time record of 117 which is the highest world record.  A new player arrives on the scene who is staring in the game.  He has taken the major leagues by storm.  He is younger than David and now a joint title holder of 117.  The game is being played for the kids to teach them about sportsmanship.  I wonder if David is planning on retiring or if he continues as a mentor.

I am in the upper room of a lodge.   I am with a teacher who does home schooling.  She shows me a small bird that only has one or maybe two feathers.  The delicate bird is so small and just now beginning to grow.  I notice the cage doesn’t have anywhere for the bird to perch.  The gravel in the cage looks like cat litter.  I look around for something I can use to provide the bird with a perch.  In the corner of the room is a wooden bird cage with multiple levels.  It is not ready to be occupied but I imagine the day when the little bird might occupy the cage.  As I look out the window I see across the valley a house fire.  The fireplace is on fire and threatens the hillside.  I am pushed to evacuate but feel conflicted about the bird and how I might save it.  I wonder where my animals are.  I notice the door has closed behind me and wonder if I have locked myself in.  Am I trapped?  I turn the knob to find the door opens freely.  I then walk through the door.  On the other side is an office space where half of the room is nicely decorated in solid wood paneling which gives it a very rustic appearance and the other half is more conventional and utilitarian.  I see a stroller in front of me and think to take the stroller with me.  The stroller has two parts.  At first I am pushing both parts separately which makes driving the stroller difficult.  I quickly learn I can fold one part and place it in a secured area within the stroller.

As I awoke from the dream I saw an image of the Grinch.  This time his furr was a mustard green color.  His eyelashes looked golden and the sunlight shimmered on his furry face.  He then smiled at me in acknowledgement.

 

 

Marigold Crystal Biosphere

I’m in a biosphere.  They are planting grasses and cultivating the soil.  Some here are partially naked.  There is a light skinned black guy with a curved semi erect penis who smiles at me as if I know him but he doesn’t really look familiar.  He apparently likes me.  There is a baby blue and grey car nearby which they are licking clean.

I then see a man dressed in a deep orange red suit.  He has stitching down his arm like an embroidery.  The stitching is being sown in real time.  My eyes follow the stitch down his arm.  The process of watching the stitch pulls my consciousness into a new dream where I am in a bathroom in a building.  I find myself standing in front of the sink.  Someone has left a freezer bag with crystals in it.  I believe them to be of some value and I would like to keep them but I feel I might get caught for stealing it.  I think it might be a trap.  I see a vent in the ceiling and have an idea to stuff the bag in the vent to hide it temporarily.  As I open the vent and attempt to reach in I can hear someone in the vent possibly watching my action.  I decide to take a risk and keep the bag with me.  The bag then becomes a wooden crystal bowl allowing me to hold it such that no one would recognize it as the bag of crystals.  Leaving the building I’m confronted with a man in an elevator pushing a stroller.  He pushes the stroller past me and exits the elevator.  I then exit the elevator too letting him know by my action that he needs to step into the elevator and take responsibility of the child. “This is your baby you brought him here.”  I’m thinking he needs to take care of his child.  I then go looking for another elevator closer to the room where I was previously.  I am looking for room 1736 and the bank of elevators that will take me to 1736.

When I woke up I grabbed my voice recorder and began recording the dream.  In a rush because I had over slept I was recording the dream and making my coffee and heating up my croissant all while recording the dream.  I knew all the noise would be on the recording but figured I’d still make out the important parts of the dream to journal.  Here is where the magic happens.

I remember having a ceramic singing bowl so I went looking for it but couldn’t find it.  The next best thing I could find was a Tibetan bowl which I grabbed thinking I could honor the dream by setting the bowl possibly with some water on my alter.  Sitting there having my coffee and breakfast I thought water just didn’t feel right.  I had to put something else in the bowl as an offering.   I then thought I’d grab a few seeds from last years harvest of flowers from my garden an place them in the bowl.  Remembering where I had stored my seeds I grabbed from the cupboard a freezer bag which contained other bags of various seeds.  Standing there looking at the bag I had an ah ha moment.  The bag looked just like the bag of crystals in my dream.  I then placed my marigold seeds in the bowl and sat back down wondering to myself whether that was a coincidence or the magic of the dream.  I then pushed the play button on my voice recorder to listen to the playback of my dream.  I then heard the playback of my dream regarding the man in the orange red suit when my violin caught my eye it was the same color that the man had worn.  I then had another ah ha moment looking at the strings of the violin which if played would run down my arm.  At that precise moment I could hear the noise of me in the kitchen mucking with the microwave closing the door and setting the time which the microwave plays a tone for every button you push it was as if my violin or the thought of my violin on my arm was playing a song.  Just more than an eerie coincidence.

When I sat to journal the dream I couldn’t really place where the dream took place.  I didn’t yet have a word for the biosphere reference.  When the word came to me with which to describe the dream it all made sense.  They were sowing seeds and planting a biosphere.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Penance Santa

I had a dream that I am asked to dress up as Santa.  It feels like this is an activity that was assigned to me for my penance and to make good my wrongs.  It is a playful group.  My Santa Suit is on but not fully in order as if I’m still getting ready.  People are playing and being jovial with me.  Teasing me about my well pressed and perfectly white T-shirts.  They call me the Mexican Santa and jokingly say “Mexicans have good wives to wash and  press and ready their shirts.”  As people are arriving I’m still not ready.  I grab my scissors and use the thumb and index finger loops to look through them like looking glasses.  I think the scissors are for cutting ribbons.

Dinah is there and it is revealed that she has always been in love with me, a true long lost love and I am to marry her.

I then hear on the loud speaker, “The concerns, there are no concerns right now.”

I woke up and grabbed my new voice recorder to record the dream.  When I was done recording it I closed my eyes and felt as if I was in an in between realm.  I could see blue clouds all around me that I can reach out and touch.  I then became aware that I can replay a dream. I therefore thought it a good opportunity to ask a question.  I asked for the meaning of the Green Man’s eyes.  Why were they so endearing and significant.  Why was my  focus drawn to the eye lashes.  I then hear the response, “because they are your eyes.”  I then asked why was the upper body of the Green Man visible to me yet the lower part was not visible yet I knew exactly how he was dressed I knew the khaki green long cut off shorts he wore with his earthy shoes. I was then told it had to do with his knees.

The answers are simple and straight forward yet they seem to provide no clarity on my question leaving it to me to figure out.  Like riddles.  Yet they are complete in providing the answer.  It’s a language of symbols and impressions that speak volumes more than the written or spoken word.  Answers that can only be understood by the heart and soul.