A Dog Of A Cog

July 6th, 2018

The other night I couldn’t remember my dream the only thing I could remember is as I was falling asleep I could see the ethers blowing in like clouds rolling over the hills.  The fibrous strands that hold the dream together were beginning to vibrate with color.  An image appeared of a cog.   It held stationary for a moment then rotated one click counter clockwise and disappeared instantly.  I was somewhat shocked as I wasn’t expecting it to move.  Once again the ethers are vibrating their density increasing.  An image appears once again.  The same cog only slightly different yet perfect in its assembly.  It too stood motionless allowing me to take in the detail with which this cog was constructed.  Suddenly within the tick of a second is clicked on turn counter clockwise and stood for a millisecond and disappeared.  I wonder why it chose to disappear in its new position.  I fell asleep not remembering anything further.

The following night I had a dream where I am with a group of people we have a shared mission.  I find myself standing upon a platform which sits over a large well.  I seem to be the lead person directing their actions.  My dogs are there with me.  One puppy and one larger dog.  Someone is assigned to care for the dogs to make sure they don’t fall through the holes in the platform and into the well.  The puppy is left unattended and falls through.  Luckily a group of support people I have assigned to guard the lower sections grab the puppy out from the well saving him.  They report back to me what has happened and ask, “Who is assigned to watch the dogs?”  Supervising the platform I too ask, “Who is assigned to watch the dogs?”  I am angry and want to cuss the person out but hold back.  A girl approaches to claim responsibility.  I can not get angry it just doesn’t fit my personality or who I am today.  Instead I calmly explain the importance of the job to which she is tasked and ask her to step back into that roll.   I thank her and resume my watch over the platform.


Bug In Mouth

June 26, 2018

This dream is so incredible.  I am fully lucid during the entire time.  It was so intense with information the best I can do to represent it is a mash up of what i learned.   I find myself doing things spirits do and I am so present and aware of my presence I believe I must have died.  I’m not too concerned about being dead I figure it will be true or it won’t.  I take advantage of the situation to explore the mechanics and properties of my surroundings.  I spend a great deal of time learning new things.  I learn about my mission, how things work. I visit parts of my life and how they are connected.  I look at motives, aspects of myself, I look at vices and my desires toward selfish things.  I learn how I can shift those desires toward holding space for goodness and clean healthy desire.  I study what happens when I make the choices I take.  How my choices influence and affect my life at different times and how those choices relate to or affect my spiritual condition and where those actions place me on my path.

I have the ability of flight and am succeeding at it yet I am aware there is more to learn.  I am able to test things and discover the impact on the ethers based on my actions.  I become of aware of the connection between my waking state and the dream state and how they influence each other.  It becomes clear I cannot do it alone.  I must help others because in reality I am in everyone and everyone is in me.  There is nothing that distinguishes me from another person.  I must help others regardless if they are friend or foe.  I look at what happens when I try to hoard things and the desire to want and preserve things exclusively for myself.

I look at reincarnation and I understand how some people are able to go through life putting very little effort and still being able to achieve things banking on spiritual rewards from previous lives.  I understand what creates generous people.  I understand how hoarding things for myself actually pulls me back and limits my growth.  It is in giving that we receive.  I look at my own greed and the desire to preserve myself.  I look at how I can temper this desire and transform it to serve a greater good and at the same time enriching me. Those things shared are multiplied 10 fold.

I am able to talk to people without actually speaking and they understand me and I understand them.  By examining my behavior I understand what to do and when to do the right thing that which brings about the greatest good.  I learn how to share of myself and how much to share, allowing people their process and how to guide my own actions so that I am not trying to control outcomes.  The moral of the story is we are interconnected and yet we are also individuals, like children of each other.  It seems an oxymoron but it is true.  We are one and the same.

I learn the inner light reflects and projects itself into the outer world.  I am able to see myself and I see how I show my light to others and how I receive light from others like a matrix and by angling our light we experience the whole of our collective our greater self.  To come to know the whole I must collect all aspects of the light so I must be able to connect with everyone with an open mind.  It’s through sharing and receiving this light that we grow an evolve into higher states of consciousness. 

I came to understand my want to have a partner as something maybe I don’t need to want, maybe I don’t need to spend time obsessing about whether I have someone in my life or not. Maybe these things will come in their own time and of their own accord.  They will come by simply focusing on the present while fully engaged, fully open to those things I desire will come.

My back is connected to some kind of balloon. I hear the rubber of the balloon  against my body.  I realize in the end everything comes together in accordance to a divine plan.  I do not need to fear anything.  I do not need to control anything.  Unexpected things happen when I get out of my way.  We sabotage our own plans when we attempt to control outcomes.  There is divine order in the process if we allow it it will unfold naturally.   Maybe we do agree to come back to experience suffering.

I find myself so engrossed with the inner workings of the dream.  I am fascinated with how the dream constructs this reality that defies the laws of physics.   I worry about the amount of time it will take me to fully understand it.  I realize time does not exist and I have all the time in the world.  I can literally stop the clock and ponder my present state for as long as I need.  Which means I can take the time to fix or rearrange things to pause life never waists time. I can pray and meditate anytime.

I examine my own behavior.  There is someone behind me trying to take something from me.  I turn and look to see who is trying to take energy from me.  Selfish desires bring me back to a lower state.  People feed off my energy but those people who are steeling my energy turn out to be me.  As I turn to look I see a man, I am the man a copy of me.  From a distance, I look into his eyes and asked him,  “If you have my body why did you take it? He responds, I never had a body.  We are faeries with distinct bodies yet we share the same spirit. You have a body.”  He gives me the analogy of me and my dog.  We are one in spirit.  My dog is a splinter of me.   We have distinct bodies yet very different bodies.  We coexist one depending on the other.  We can pass through each other, we share stories, we empathize, we have myths.

I recognize I carry part of your psyche into the dream. We have an innate need for self preservation and survival.  We have not learned that we are the same.   In the dream I try to respond to things with my waking psyche but I can evolve and embrace a new paradigm to encompass the properties of the dream which are the same as those in the spirit world.  I must expand my awareness to encompass a new paradigm.

At the end I allow myself to fly down to the ground to see if my etheric body can pass through the ground.  As the ground resists my etheric body a ladybug crawls in my mouth.  I awake.


Passage Of The Dragonfly

I am in a competition where the rounds repeat over and over and over and over.  I can feel the wheels of karma turning and turning and turning in a clock wise motion.  With each successive turn my consciousness rises to a higher level.  I wonder when will it be over.  It feels like an internal struggle with my ex Joe where we are battling for the ultimate dominance.  The cycle had wings spanning greater and greater distances and the inner wheels begin to loosen and expand.  I feel a greater sense of freedom as my consciousness rises even higher till finally my consciousness hits a ceiling.  The wheels stop turning.  My face is now pressed upon a see through barrier.  On the other side, I see swarms of dragonflies developing, growing to maturity.  There wings expand with great distance.  I hear the buzzing of their wings.  The resonance causes the barrier to disintegrate allowing me to pass through. 

I suddenly emerge on the other side among the swam of dragonflies.  The sound reverberates in my engulfing me completely.  I am in ecstasy.  I take a moment to capture this moment and hold image of the dragonflies in my minds eye.  They are beautiful vibrant in their color.  I am alive. I am one with the dragonfly.


This dream ushered in a swarm of magic moments.  The last time the dragonflies appeared in a dream was when I found the box of chocolates I lost in my house.  The box of chocolates which I had purchased as a birthday gift for my friend Chris.  Chris love socks the chocolates disappeared from my house when the mystery infant sock appeared.  Coincidentally Chris has a sock “fetish” he loves the look of athletic socks.  The timely appearance of the sock in my house I took as a sign from OB assuring me he is coming into this world.  Later I had a dream The Kids Table where a little boy OB comes over and hands me a nicely wrapped chocolate.

My surrogate IM shared a very powerful dream she had about getting a positive pregnancy test and she wasn’t sure whose baby it was or how it happened unexpectedly.  I then told her about today’s dream Passage of the Dragonfly.  In passing I also mentioned the many weird coincidences that have been happening lately.  Namely Sasha’s Pocket Pastries where I’m a technical director of a movie staring Hillary Clinton and the movie just so happened to be sexually graphic.  I told her I had met a guy that evening who out of the blue began telling me about someone he knew who was making a porn video.  I had never met this person before so for him to tell me this information struck me as highly unusual.  I then asked him, What’s your name, to which he replied Clinton.  Very bizarre.  Our conversation continued and I started sharing with her that I have been watching birthing videos on YouTube.  One in particular I’ve been hooked on called One Born Every Minute.  I was trying to tell her how was the narrator on the show but couldn’t remember Jamie Lee Curtis.  So I went online to search for the shows cast and found it on Wikipedia.  To my surprise which I didn’t know before the series is produced by Dragonfly Film and Television Productions a British independent television production company.  I’ve watched all the episodes on YouTube and nowhere do they show any credits or acknowledgment indicating Dragonfly so I didn’t get the reference subliminally.  I was amazed that here before my eyes is yet another coincidence.

Image from The Hand Book of Natural Study.  Go visit the images there of dragon flies they are so beautiful.

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Hind Sight Is $20 $20

May 31, 2018

I am at a boys school or camp where we are staying.  I am told my dog has a skin tag that needs to be removed.  I am given instructions on removing it.  Tie a knot and cut off the excess.  I do as instructed but the surgery doesn’t go well.  After the surgery my dog’s vision is tested and the focal point is off.  He is now near sighted and won’t be able to see clearly.  I will have to attend to his needs to teach him where his food is and where and how to pee.

I am laying in bed.  I sit up for a minute to get something out of my backpack.  I’m not sure what I’m looking for.  Rummaging through the bottom of the backpack I find a $20 dollar bill.  Thinking it is my lucky day, I continue looking through the bottom of the bag.  I uncover a second roll of $20 dollar bills.  I am wondering where it came from.  Sitting up in bed I look around and notice Joe my ex is laying in the bed beside me.  I think the money might have been placed there by Joe who owes me money for having damaged my credit.    I feel warm inside and as the opportunity presents itself a cuddle opportunity with him I lay behind him and spoon him from behind.

2 O’Clock At Umber Island House

May 25, 2018

Last night as a fell asleep I found myself within a circle of men with me in the center.  The circles spread out in 3 concentric circles 3 circles deep.   I see every face of every man and understand each man to be me in every dimension of space.  I identify with a man in the 2 o’clock position in the 3rd circle.  I place myself in his awareness  to experience the circle from his vantage point.

The dream now shifts.  My awareness is taken to a place where an event is about to take place.  There are plastic picture frames with names on them representing the players involved in the event.  The frames are empty to conceal the mystery.  The event is monumental.  Similar to the day the earth stood still or the day aliens arrive to earth.    It feels like I am on the precipice of a new beginning a birth of sorts.

The island house where the event is being hosted has many services offered to it’s guests.  It is located in Long Island, New York at the tip near Nantucket.  There is one room where the lights are turned off with the exception of an under the counter night light in the corner of the room.  I walk in to find what appears to be a country store where spirits are offered to drink along with cigars.  The cigar are in small humidity controlled wooden cedar boxes.

I then woke up needing to go to the bathroom.  After returning to bed the dream continued.  I become aware of the many offerings the Island House has to offer including areas where one can mingle with others and find intimacy in sexual expression.

I meet a couple two guys who are staying at the resort.  Through the course of our stay, they share details of their lives.  I seem to be sharing a room with them.  I’m learning from these men how to be a sophisticated connoisseur of gay offerings.  I become interestingly aware that keys do not seem to have much importance here.  With this freedom, I leave my room without a concern or care for where my keys may be.  I am a bit envious of the life they lead wanting it for myself.  Oddly given I am present with them and leading a similar life I somehow feel removed from the rewards.  I know I must not envy and simply be happy for them and what they were able to achieve in their lives.  There is a part of me that knows I am dreaming.  Reasoning I am each part of the dream therefor to envy is to envy myself and my own success.  Yet I cannot separate myself from the feeling of envy.  I want what they have.

It is time to leave.  I now find myself on a beach witnessing the sunset.  I notice the distance between the shore and sky is very shallow. You can touch the sky.    I notice the texture of the sky is granulated.  The pattern in the sky changes as I watch it becoming more wave like similar to the pattern in my quilted mattress pad.  The sky is a burnt umber.  I think to myself I should grab my camera to take a picture of this beautiful sunset.   I turn to leave this place and see before me a topaz ocean with a narrow bridge people are using to cross.  The bridge is in the distance but can see the people before me crossing as shadows on the bridge.  I know it is my turn to cross over this bridge.  The ocean is turbulent but the wind assists in diffusing the ocean spray.



When I fell asleep tonight I wanted to remember my dream because lately I have not been able to remember or at least was unable to put words to what I was experiencing in my dreams.  I thought about the intention and what if anything I wanted the dream to answer.  I didn’t want to ask for specifics preferring that nature take it’s course.  I decided to ask for help in decorating my yard.  I told the dream I wanted to create a Faerie Village theme where the nature spirits can dwell in the yard.  I asked for help in choosing the decorative pieces I might place in the yard and assistance with caring for the garden.

My Work is Complete

April 29, 2018

Last night I had a dream where I am at work.  I discover there is a project where my boss needs my attention but he has omitted telling me about it.  I just happen to notice it as the paper work crosses my desk because it is due now.  There are several people named in the document and to my surprise I am also named.  I am surprised because I wouldn’t expect to see my name as a party to an agreement such as this.  Yet the agreement isn’t signed by anyone and yet it is due now.  I am conflicted because on the one hand if I carry this through to ensure it is ratified I appear to be doing it for self interest since I am named.  Yet I wasn’t aware of my name in the document until now.  It feels like it is intended for me as a beneficiary or benefactor of the agreement.  The parties are out of the country possibly in Brazil in a foreign land.  The challenge is I am not quite prepared to meet the many requirements which are formalities and process around the execution of the contract.  I think about all the steps I would need to do in order to arrange the many parts enumerated in the agreement.  It seems I can’t possibly carry out all it’s parts in the time frame allocated for it’s execution without an act of God.

Fearing defeat but actually not so much defeat since I had not pursued this option for myself.  I had nothing invested in it to feel any sense of loss.  The loss I feel is on behalf of my boss whose intent it was to execute this contract.  I know it wouldn’t have been written if he had not wanted it to take place even in naming me as a party.  I do not want to fail my boss even though I just found out about it. It is my desire to see his mission served whatever mission it may be.  His desire is my desire.

I then hear several people enter.  It is the hour that has come to pass.  Now is the time.  As I’m sitting there not knowing what to tell him.  I feel his presence come over my right shoulder as he whispers to me,  “I have taken care of it.  The work is done.”  Now as I look at the document time stands still the steps necessary for the process are complete one by one.  A signature and seal now appear. My work is complete.



Impressions of a Trapeze Artist – A False Start

Five male trapeze artists performing at a circus, 1890

I had a dream that it’s the day after my last day at work and I find myself back at my old job.  I’m trying to find my way out once I realize that I shouldn’t be here.  I can see the work configurations have changed.  There is someone working at my old desk.  They are telling me that I am welcome to share the space with them and start my own business.  I can see the possibilities for me.  I know I should leave because I’m not supposed to be there.  I work my way down to the 2nd level which I thought was where I can exit the building.  I find myself on the level where the cafeteria is.  I can see my old boss Deb Reilly.  I’m afraid she will notice me and wonder how I gained access to the building.  I’m trying to find a ramp that will take me from the second floor out the building.  There are foreign workers there who have abilities similar to trapeze artists.  This one woman is scaling the french balconies with ease.  I’m afraid she is being a bit reckless but she manages to amaze me with her abilities.  She is unafraid in the least. She knows I’m watching.  I wake up thinking my exit on the the second floor was a false start.

This morning as I awoke after I having snoozed my alarm and had a vision.  I can see a scene before me with some blue and white clouds with the silhouette  of a mermaid’s lower body.  The scene provided just enough imagery for me to figure it out for myself.  I then saw what looked like little grey frogs  crossing the road in front of the mermaid.  I looked carefully at the little frogs to see if they were mini people or insects.  They appeared to look more like little people but the way they jumped was more like frogs.  They seem quite happy in this child like environment; innocent and peaceful and tension free not a care in the world.  Right before the scene came to an end I see someone approaching from the left in the foreground.  A human of normal proportion as though I was watching a TV screen and someone came in front of the screen to peak and see if I am still watching or asleep.  The person peaked in partially looked at me stood there and gave me a look that said, “Did you get that?”



Santa’s Paradox

Apr 04, 2018,

So last night I had a dream that I couldn’t remember yet here it is.  My alarm rang and I knew I had at least one snooze before I had to get up out of bed.  I also had to pee and I know you can’t fully enjoy a snooze while having to pee at the same time.  As I turned to lift the covers there beside my bed was a man, a green man.  I paused for a moment to look at his eyes and the green fur that covered his face.  His eye lashes gently opened and closed. As I rolled out of bed my knee hit his knee, I thought, “How could that be?”  Upon lifting my sheets there was a pillow beside my knee.  How clever for him to have placed  a prop.  So I ran along to the bathroom.  As I stood there I remembered vividly what I had been dreaming.  Repeating it over and over in my head so as to not forget.  With time constraints, I decide that would be the manner in which I would remember the dream.  I flushed and returned to bed where the green man still sat. I carefully slipped back into bed.  10 minutes later the alarm rang for a second time.  I looked over to find the green man had gone and with him the entire memory of the dream.

I thought it a great opportunity to start adding my book to my blog since I didn’t have a dream to journal.   Its a lot of work to keep up with my dreams so it is nice to have a day here and there to make them presentable.  My intention was to publish my book “In the Course of a Dream, Emmanuel for Love”  in its entirety on my blog to make it easy for me to search key words and simply to make it publicly available.  I had a little time before work so I turned on the TV for background noise and tuned to my favorite shows on Amazon.    I started watching an Amazon recommended program just for me, “New Energy Series, Free Energy – The Race to Zero Point”.  I remember there was a dream in my past where Zero Point had come up in the book back when I knew nothing about Zero Point.  Having the PDF of my book loaded and handy on my computer I searched for Zero Point and here is where the magic began to unfold.

Now I haven’t looked at my book in a long long time.  I also knew there was a purpose in my having written the book even if it was to merely guide my life.  I somehow know the book and dreams are a key part to fulfilling my mission.  So I took a moment to reacquaint myself with it.  I paused to take in the title page, the copywrite page and then the inscription which reads:

Spirituality is a treasure
to live for all humanity,
to overcome a notion,
in a time when spirits rejoice.

I then searched for the reference to Zero Point and was taken to:

A Visit with Santa Claus

I am in a Harry Potter stadium where I am trying to find my way back home.  I go flying and flying on my magic carpet, trying to find my resting place.  The people who live in this area travel on bicycles that fly through the air.  They simply fly.  I feel like I am on Crown Hill where I used to live as a kid.  I try to go back to my childhood house but the scenery and hillsides look different.  I am slightly disoriented.  I land my magic carpet on a hillside and walk along the front yard of a house, not knowing where I am or how to get home.  It is about four in the morning, and it is still dark outside.  The man of the house is standing near an arched trellis with his two dogs.  I tell him that I am lost and disoriented.  I ask him if he could please show me the way out and point me in the direction of my birthplace. 

He takes my hand under his arm and walks me under the archway and through a door.  He opens the door and walks me across the threshold to the other side and says, “There you are.” Looking around there is nothing but a dense fog and clouds. Fearing he might leave me here and close the door behind me, I grab tight onto his arm and ask him to please guide me and tell me in which direction I should head. With all the clouds here, I would never be able to find my way back home.  He then says, “You can go this way or you can go that way,” as he points in opposite directions. Unsatisfied with his answer, I cling to his arm.  He then says, “My son, no matter where you go, you pull the universe with you. You are home.” 

As he says those last three words, his face begins to transform before my eyes.  In his face is the face of every human being that has ever lived.  With that, I realize who this man is and I become lucid.  This is the Face of God.  Knowing I need to take in the fullness of this moment, I pause in thought to stare at the fullness with which he holds humanity in his countenance.  He now has the look of Santa Claus, with spongy curly white hair, a white beard and rosy red checks.  He is talking to me and I can see his lips move with his every word. 

I began to wake up, and as I awakened and my eyes began to open in real life, I could see this man standing at my bedside.  Now fully awake in the presence of Santa Claus, I could hear him saying something.  I quickly reached for my voice recorder so as not to miss any words that he might say.  I began to lose the signal, so I meditated as he patiently waited for me to ready my recorder and continue the dictation.  “Spirituality is a treasure to live for all humanity, to overcome a notion, to be heard in a time when spirits rejoice.”

He then began signaling me to come follow him.  I was not sure where he wanted me to go because he was standing in front of my closet door.  So I said, ”Okay, but first I’ve got to go to the bathroom, would you please wait here and I’ll be right back, then we can go wherever you would like me to walk with you.”

I got up out of bed and made a mental note of the time.  It was exactly 4:33 am on the digital clock in my bedroom.  I went to the bathroom to do my business and came back to bed where the grey-haired Santa Claus was still patiently waiting for my return.  I hopped back into bed with my voice recorder in hand ready to dictate whatever the old gentleman had to say.  He was telling me how to find my way home.  He said it didn’t really matter which direction you go, you pull the universe with you.  He then pulled out one of those birthday party whistles, the type that unravels when you blow air through it.  He said it has to do with “zero point” and the sound of the universe when you blow through the party whistle.  Each time he blew through the whistle the tube unraveled.  I could see a bright red light at the end of it.  From blowing his whistle, my bedroom began to fill with red light.  The red light emanated from the tip of the extended party whistle.

I gazed into it and saw a crystal lens much like the one I see when I meditate on my third eye.  He was basically telling me that he is the force that provides the propulsion energy flowing through the party whistle.

I think they were celebrating my arrival because he continued to blow through his party whistle over and over again.  Maybe they knew I was having a birthday party tonight.

His image slowly faded but in the red light that still filled my room I saw a vision of a little cartoon mole or chipmunk that had come to lead me down the road.  This creature was telling me to follow him.  At the end of the road, I could see a baby chick that had just hatched out of its egg.  In the sky was a bright orange sun and in the Heavens I could see a book whose pages were being blown by the wind.  The scene reminded me of the California Raisin commercials.  In the background, I could hear the words to that John Denver song, “Take Me Home, Country Roads.”


“Almost heaven, West Virginia,

Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River.

Life is old there, older than the trees,

Younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze.


Country road, take me home

To the place I belong,

West Virginia, mountain momma,

Take me home, country road.[1]


I am in complete and utter awe, or should I say utter aum, when I read my own dreams. Aum is said to be the sound of the universe.  I believe I have seen the face of God and have held his arm and asked him to guide me home.  In writing my dream and vision this morning of the grey-haired man that reminded me of Santa Claus, it all resonated within me.  At some level I felt God and the Universe were celebrating my birthday with me. Curiously, when I was writing my dream this morning and got to the part that reminded me of the California Raisins, my phone rang once and stopped. I paused for a second to see if caller ID would tell me who was calling but it did not ring again. The phone rang just once and stopped.  It was not even long enough for caller ID to register.

I felt a wave of synchronicity flow though me and thought how peculiar.  I then remembered back to the dream where Jennifer (my angel) had given me a cell phone that had programmed in it her number. She had instructed me to use it anytime I needed her.  Was this an encoded message from the universe?

Have you ever told a person, “If you want me to pick up the phone, send me a signal by letting the phone ring once, then hang up and wait a second and then call back and I’ll know it’s you calling me?”

I resumed writing down my dream and as my pinky finger hit the final ‘a’ in the word California, the phone rang again.  I paused to look over at the caller ID.  Believe it or not it was an out-of-state call.  The display on the caller ID read, “California.”  A mere coincidence to some, but for me it was my confirmation, which the universe always provides to let me know that I am on the right track and can trust in the messages from spirit that I am receiving.  God is so incredibly wonderful.  I love God with all my heart, mind and soul.


I found it eerily interesting that today all the chimes that are ringing in heaven with synchronicity drew me to this dream because this dream is the heart and soul of the book.  I didn’t remember it being that now but i did use this as the inscription for the book so it must say something about the importance of this dream.  I never really understood the words of the inscription I simply knew it was important and I’ll confess I still don’t know the importance except for a glimmer of something that came through today.

Second this last year has been all about Santa Clause.  This will need further explaining which I can’t do here.  Suffice to say the topic was so pressing on me that I bought a Santa suit around Thanksgiving.  I knew I had to dress up as Santa for some reason.  I procrastinated till the last minute to order everything because the good gay boy that I am it had to be flawless.  I ordered really nice boots, a genuine leather belt,  the whole works.  The boots arrived literally the day before Christmas.  More on Santa later.  So there is something else I must tell you which I’ve been keeping to myself.  I am in the process of having a baby.  This too is a long story that needs a lot of explaining.  Between my coming around to having the desire to have a baby and the Santa suits I could probably write a book.  It feels very important to me so I need to write about it so I can later remember the details.

Moving on….so I am at the stage of being matched with a surrogate.  I have an agent.  I have names picked out the fertilization has been done and things are presently on ice meaning I have one frozen embryo.  So yesterday I messaged my agent to ask for an update on the surrogate and she indicated that the surrogate she had in mind previously has not been responsive to her messages.  Major bummer but she did say that she had others who could possibly work but she needed more time.

Going back to the Green Man, I am waiting to  hear the chimes of synchronicity when I begin watching the the Zero Point program in the background when the man narrating starts talking about the baby’s arrival.  That immediately caught my ear.  He was referring to the advances in zero point energy as being in it’s infancy but he kept using the analogy almost so much as for me to feel he was talking to me.  Already we had the subject of Zero Point and the hidden importance of Santa Claus not to mention the inscription of the book and now the BABY!!.  Holy Moly I thought I must be going to get news about the surrogate.  I no sooner thought that when the alert popped up on my computer that I had a message from my agent.  She had someone for me.  She even included a few pictures of her and her family.  As I’m scrolling through the pictures the last picture was of the surrogate and her family she has 3 kids and her a very prominent GREEN MAN the Grinch.  It was a Christmas picture.  Here was a family dressed in Christmas colors sitting with the Grinch, yes a GreenMan.  I think the Grinch is probably the dad because he was not a fake Grinch he was real GreenMan.

OK … it doesn’t end there.  So I am reading her profile and one thing that concerned me about her is her age.  She is 41 or 42.  I’m thinking isn’t that too old to bear children.  So I quickly do a search online and come to this….

yada yada yada ….

So what about the notion of delaying childbirth until a maternal age of 45, 50 or older? 

From <http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/5244/delaying-childbearing-how-old-is-too-old>


The one word in the inscription I had the most problem understanding is the use of the word notion.  What did he mean by that? Did I miss interpret him.  Well the answer now is no obviously.  I have been struggling with the notion that I am too old to be a father.  I am 54 at present.  Now I’m researching this as it relates to the surrogates age and not mine but it applied to me as well as the surrogate.  Maybe the inscription is for me to overcome the notion that I am too old to be a dad and in doing so knowing that God and God alone has picked the perfect surrogate for me.   My surrogate is Godsend.  Dreams are multidimensional and ring true on many levels.  They always have wordplay in them.  If you take the time to connect the dots something magical happens.  The other dimensions come alive as your awareness grows.  This is part of my mission to share my experience with dreams.  This is my truth.  This is how it happened.  I know it is magic in my life maybe you can find magic in your life.

Anyways I digress because yes i kid you not….there is more.  So case closed…guided by my dreams I know God is telling me I must over come this notion and get on board whole heatedly.  It also tells me that I should not fear or worry about her age.  I’m in God’s hands.  We are in God’s hands.  Ok so I’m on board with the surrogate so I set up a meeting to discuss her with my agent.  During the call she tells me a little more about her.  She’s been a surrogate before.  Then she tells me the name of the last surrogate baby she delivered.  The name is one of the two names I picked for my baby.  I can’t give you the name but I can tell you I chose a boy name and a girl name both names are a variation on each other ie the masculine and the feminine  version much like Robert and Roberta or Don and Donna.  Can’t spill the beans here with the name.  My jaw literally hit the floor.  This surrogate has created space for my baby’s name.

So on a side note….I was so heart broken when some of the embroyos died and didn’t make it to blastocyst.  I had no idea of the numbers game with fertility.  I was also very conflicted about choosing a boy or a girl if i had the choice say for example I had 3 eggs 2 boy and a girl do you choose the boy or the girl.  Would the one resent me in the heavens for not picking them.  If you read back at my mermaid dream when I received the first news of the eggs not progressing.  I believe the mermaid came to foretell me the outcome.  So that further sealed the deal with me.

One last tidbit…the man narrating the program his last name was Bearden.  As you may already be aware I am a bear within the gay community.  My DVR is labeled Bearden.

Oh one more thing….so Debbie Downer Grinch came in to refute my claims of God inspiration and so I looked up the probability of the occurrence of words in the English language.  For instance what would be the probability of the word notion appearing given a single occurrence?  What is the probability of seeing the word Santa in a reference?  Come to find out Google can tell you this information. Santa has a 0.002%, Notion is a 0.005% and Baby is 0.006% and Grinch is 0.0000006544 which is about the likelihood of ZERO POINT.


Today magic is all around me.  Spirit dwells among me and as for the Holy Moly Mole one must have a little fun with it I suppose.

[1]               “Take Me Home, Country Roads,” John Denver, Bill Danoff and Taffy Nivert 1971


Graduation by Grace

In last night’s dream I am preparing for my graduation.  I’m asked to help develop the processional for myself and my peers.  Grace is there doing her best to interfere with any and all matters in her trickster ways.  She doesn’t realize that people get tired of the behavior but it doesn’t seem to set in.  As the processional is moving in one direction Grace is going in the opposite showing clear signs of confusion which we know is just an act.  I’m tasked with placing the award ribbons around the necks of those in my class trying to figure out how much slack I need to place the medallion securely around their neck.

When I get to Grace, she is standing looking sideways instead of forward face to face.  The loop that goes around the neck in her case is plastic and octagon shaped. I take up the slack and pass her on.  I then realize that I’m the one graduating and in participating in the process I’m granted the recognition I’ve earned.  It doesn’t matter what role I play or how I got there.


Procession: the emanation of the Holy Spirit

Emanation: (of something abstract but perceptible) issue or spread out from (a source), originate from; be produced by.

Octagon: Eight sided,

Eightfold Path

Right View

Right Thought

Right Word

Right Action

Right Livelihood

Right Effort

Right Mindfulness

  • Right Concentration


The Brick Wall

Last night as I as falling asleep I found myself standing in front of a brick wall.  I’m thinking how I can get beyond this point feeling I need an entirely new approach or course of action.  I look down and notice that both the wall and I are moving.  The moment I notice it the speed at which change occurs is phenomenal as if we had gone through a time warp to travel great distance.

When I woke up I couldn’t remember any of my dreams.  I then proceeded to get up and go about my day.  Later in the day I decided to do a bit of ritual and offer some sage, aroma and a candle.  As I walked around my bedroom with the sage I came to my brick wall beside my headboard when the memory of the dream came rushing back to me.

I also remember seeing babies in bassinets being rolled on their sides and back as if to clean them.  They were playing the tumbling game with the children.