Snatch the Beaver

BeaverI had a dream where I am with a group of people who I work closely with.  I am complaining about the working conditions and trying to advocate for radical change.  I don’t think it should matter what people wear to work.  To test me and my conviction for change the women of the group begin coming to work half dressed without their underwear.  They are completely naked from the waist down. 

There is a part of me that wants to accept the new conditions because it means a sense of freedom I have longed for yet there is another part of me who wants to look away.  How do you pretend to avoid looking at the beaver and not give away my level of discomfort?  To push my limits, more of the women start to come around me flagrantly expressing their beavers.  I become so uncomfortable I literally have to do my breathing exercise.  Can I withstand the new terms of conditions which I am wholly responsible to advocating.  Is this more than I bargained for?

Inside the Silver Fish

Sucker FishI had a dream where I am attending the university with a bunch of my engineering student friends.  It is a university I attended previously because I am familiar with the location of all the classes and the names of the many buildings.  There is a great sense of camaraderie here among the guys.  There is a social group I belong to which is not part of the engineering curriculum but is geared toward developing one’s spiritual awareness.  We go off on an adventure along a river bank where we are instructed to catch the tiny little fish that live in the stream and eat them.  The fish are so tiny they are almost transparent and to my surprise they are incredibly tasty; a true delicacy.

 

Later when we return to classes I suspect something is different about me.  I am changed in some way from the inside. I decide to urinate and capture my urine in the trough where I can examine the urine to see what is inside me and maybe get an idea of what has changed.  The feeling is intuitive without knowing for sure I simply sense it.  In my urine I find the tiny fish I ate earlier in the day which are not dead but very much alive and thriving in my body.  They are multiplying and growing.  I can actually see them swimming in this pond that is my urine.

 

Scared … I run to tell one of my classmates and the professor.  Instead I run across my best friend Dinah.  I tell her what is happening to me.  She is incredulous and does not want to believe me.  Thinking I might have been imagining it, I go back to the trough where I captured my urine.  My urine is still there but it has begun to evaporate.  The fish are getting larger and their environment is getting smaller.  I suspect the fish are consuming the nutrients in my urine because they are now very large and no longer transparent.  They have given up their transparency for a beautiful silver coating. 

 

I know what I am seeing in this trough is a reflection of what is within me.  Fish must be growing in me. My dilemma is how do I get them out?  There is almost little  urine left for them to live in and feed on. 

 

A thought comes to my mind; how nice would it be to capture the fish and put them in my aquarium.  I then have a second thought; considering how prolific they are they would soon over run my tank.  As I reach down into the trough, one of the fish jumps on me in an attempt to escape his diminishing world.  This fish has the ability to suckle on me making it almost impossible for me to rid myself of it.  I’m distressed.  I want to be free of the fish inside me but I also want to ensure their safety.

The 8th Grade Marching Band

Marching BandI had a dream where I am living in a temporary location with my roommate Bryan.  Although the location where I’m living is temporary, it would seem that I am lying to myself and to others.  I have down scaled my living arrangement out of necessity and am somewhat embarrassed by this fact and I don’t want to admit it to people so I tell them that it is temporary.  I also desperately want a companion or partner to share my life with.  So I decide to take on two additional roommates, one who will occupy and share my living quarters during the day while I’m at work, a female, and another, a male, who will occupy the space during the night hours when I’m in bed.  I’m attracted to the male however he is engaged to be married to a woman.  He has moved here to marry his future wife but needs a place to stay until the wedding day.  It is such a convenient arrangement for the both of us.

I think to myself if he is sharing my bed and my space with me he will have time to get to know me before his wedding date and possibly fall in love with me and subsequently change his mind about marrying his fiancé.  The first night that he spends with me we sit like old friends discussing our lives, our past and our future ambitions. 

In the morning I leave for work.  My roommate Bryan has not been home so I have not had the opportunity to tell him of the new boarders I am hosting.  While waiting for the bus, I run into the female boarder.  She tells me that she is coming from watching the 8th grade marching band that plays along one of the streets in my neighborhood. 

In the evening when I get home from work I open the door to find my roommate angrily picking up the mess the night boarder has left.  I’m surprised myself that he has made such a mess and has also taken the liberty of rearranging the furniture.  I realized I probably should have discussed the change with him prior to agreeing to the arrangement.  As Bryan walks off with the bedding in his arms the night boarder comes through the door.  He tells me he just came from watching the 8th grade marching band.  I then realize that I am hosting both the bride and the groom.

A Gentle Hoof

HorseLast night I had a dream where I am with my friend Dinah.  She is visiting me and I am showing her around the city.  There are spectacular views that I myself see as unimaginable and quite breathtaking.  Looking out on the vista, I call her attention to a point in our forward direction the home of my mother’s land.   My mother lives at the base of these great hills which are covered in lush green vegetation.  

 

When we return to my house there is a young man who is looking for me.  He is an old friend one I have not seen in a very long time.  I vaguely remember him from my past.  He is very different now.  He has the lower body of a horse.  I am casually talking to him ignoring the obvious oddity of his lower nature. I am captivated and amazed by his powerful lower body, his massive legs and thighs and the huge black testicles that have obviously been scorched by the sun and which hang at his hind.  I want to ask him how he developed such a massive form but I am not sure if it would be appropriate to ask such a question. 

 

We continue talking.  He is very expressive in his gestures and moves with much grace and ease.  Feeling more comfortable around him, I finally gather the courage to ask him about this power he possesses.  He answers me by turning to face me and shows me his soft underbelly, his groin and his penis.  This in contrast he says is my gentle nature.  He leaves himself open as if to invite me to examine him or possibly touch him.  I want to feel the difference but to do so would mean possibly placing my hand on his penis.  I pause there reluctant to advance.  I feel an awareness rise in me and I become lucid.  In a moment of awareness suspended in time, I know this as strange as it may seem holds an answer I seek and it is now or never.  I must probe the depths of my subconsciousness reach out and feel him.  I reach my hand out placing my palm upon his navel and running my hand down along his groin and in contact with the uncircumcized skin of his penis.  My jaw drops with an overwhelming feeling of euphoria.  I am breathless.  I awaken.

 

Upon waking up I was immediately drawn to his response.  Why did it lie in his groin?  Why did he refer to it as his gentle nature?  I focused on the word gentle. 

Gentle:  belonging to a family of high social station, chivalrous : honorable, distinguished

Gentle: of or relating to a gentleman

Gentleman: a man of noble or gentle birth b: a man belonging to the landed gentry c (1): a man who combines gentle birth or rank with chivalrous qualities (2): a man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior d (1): a man of independent means who does not engage in any occupation or profession for gain (2): a man who does not engage in a menial occupation or in manual labor for gain

Dreams always enjoy a play on words so I looked at:

Gentile: a Christian as distinguished from a Jew

Genital: of, relating to, or being a sexual organ

Genital: of, relating to, or characterized by the stage of psychosexual development in psychoanalytic theory during which oral and anal impulses are subordinated to adaptive interpersonal mechanisms

Cat Scratch Fever

Black CatI had a dream where my house is on fire and about to burn down.  We have to evacuate immediately.  I only have a minute or two to decide what of importance I might take with me.  I immediately reach for my cat Sable and wrap him in a sheet because he is not an outdoor cat while at the same time instructing everyone in the house to “GET OUT.” 

Once outside in all the commotion my cat Sable slips through my grip and runs off into the brush.  He has seldom been loose outside the house and on the rare occasions that he has he has managed to find his way back home.  I’m worried that if my house burns down there will be no place for him to return to.  The neighbor lady is a cat lady.  She has hundreds of cats that come to her front porch.  As I walk past her home I notice all the cats are identical and more than that they all look exactly like my cat Sable.  I can see into her living room where the television is tuned to the news station.  They are showing coverage of my house burning.  My niece Esther unknowingly arrives on the scene and is captured on camera.  I’m surprised because she lives in California and has never been to the East Coast to visit me.  What is she doing at my house unannounced?  Clearly without a doubt that is her on the television screen in front of my house.  I’ve got to go back to the house but first I have to get Sable. 

Looking at the hundreds of cats on the porch I instinctively reach for one of the cats not even questioning whether I have the right cat or not.  As I walk away with Sable in my arms.  Looking into his eyes, I become aware that I have the ability to recognize my own kind.

Gypsy Dance

RomaniLast night I had a dream where I am on the 3rd floor of my house.  The windows are open but the bamboo shades are down.  I can feel a light breeze blowing through the room. I am desperately trying to clean out my living quarters to prepare myself for something that is about to happen.  I am preparing for a major change in my life and I want my life and my house to be in perfect order to give me the best possible start.  I have things laid out from my early life that no longer serve me.  I am wrapping these things in old cloths and throwing them out the window.  At the same time I am mentally working through my financial budget in my head.  I am aware that I have 10 thousand dollars at my disposal and I am mulling over how to best apportion the money.  My rational mind is telling me the last thing I want to do is buy a new car. 

 

As I am hurriedly emptying my living quarters I notice I no longer have any cloths left with which to wrap my possessions.  The only thing remaining are the bamboo shades which cover the windows and now look very old and extremely worn out.  Considering their present condition they too need to be thrown out so I decide to pull them off the windows and use them to wrap the final remaining items. 

 

Without the shades on the windows I now have a clear view of the wasteland just outside my house.  I start to feel a sense of panic. Have I done something wrong?  Have I thrown away something of value to me?  My next thought is, “Where have I placed my mother?  Have I thrown her out the window?”  I lean over the window sill to visually scan the landscape below for signs of my mother.  I can’t tell for sure.  Everything I’ve wrapped looks like bodies to me.  It is possible I’ve accidentally thrown my mother out.  I then start looking around the house for my mother.  The wave of panic now manifests as a large zebra skinned serpent.  It is coiling itself around me.  I can sense its incredible power.  Angry, I am fighting it off me while frantically looking for my mother.   I have half my focus on the serpent and half on finding my mother.  Distracted by my mother I can’t tell which end of the serpent is closest to me…the head or the tail.  Knowing the only way to effectively deal with the serpent is to confront it head on I turn to grab the serpent by the neck. 

 

In the scuffle, I sat up in bed and woke up to find a man standing at the foot of my bed.  His form was so dense I thought he might actually be a real man in my bedroom.  He held his right arm out with his palm facing down and his body slightly bent forward.  He wore a turban on his head and a flimsy shirt and baggy pants that were tight around his lower legs and a cloth tied around his waist.  He looked just like a Gypsy. He was trying to communicate something to me but I could not hear his voice.  I pointed at him fiercely saying you, you, you are the one who is preying on me.  He stood there for a long time and would not disappear.  I finally laid back down and ignored him but since I had to go to the restroom I angrily through the covers to the side and jumped out of bed.  When I returned the man was finally gone. 

The Apocalypse

The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951 Film)Last night I had a dream.  I am busy entertaining guests in my house so busy that I forget what day it is.  As I look around I notice people are tense busily preparing for something.  I stop to ask one of my neighbors, “What’s up?”  He answers, “It’s the end of the world.”  “Is that today”, I ask him? I am not surprised by his response.  There are people in the know who have been aware of the events of 2012  for a long time.  I am one of those people.  I simply forgot it was today.  Yes…I do remember today is the day of the Apocalypse, the day the Earth is to stand still in awe of a great change.  Today is the day when the Earth as we know it will change.

 

Wanting to be fully present for the day’s events, a day that will go down in history, I step out on the deck where I have a clear view of the sky.  It is early afternoon but the sky is dark with dense cloud cover.  As I look out over the heavens watching for any anomalies, I notice a dark disk shaped ring approaching.  It’s them, they are here.  You can clearly make out the shape of the space ship through the dense clouds.  We are about to be invaded by aliens. 

 

Their ship stops just above my house.  As the ship hovers over my house, crewmembers begin to disembark on ropes landing on my deck by the dozens.  Those who are not afraid of the aliens are gathered to witness the event.  To my surprise the aliens look just like humans with the exception that they have agility that far surpasses that of any human being. At first they are focused on finding someone.  I know they are looking for me but for some reason they are not picking up on where or for that matter, who I am.  I know that if I surrender to them they will leave Earth quickly and not prolong their stay.  This would be good for those who might be in a state of fear.  I decide to surrender to them but first I disguise my friend Dinah as my dog to take her with me. 

 

They quickly confirm who I am and accept me and my dog Dinah to board the ship.  The invasion is over and we are now headed back to their home planet.  These people live high up in the trees and they get around like Tarzan by swinging on ropes.  For most of the trip I’m asleep.  When I awaken, I’m perched high up in the trees but my dog Dinah is not with me.   I’m immediately filled with the energy of this planet.  I feel like one of them.  I’m suddenly aware of all their abilities.  I grab for a rope and begin swinging in the trees completely unafraid.  I now have their agility. 

 

There are two races here on this planet, those who live in the trees and those who dwell on the land.  I want to experience both races.  I also want to find my dog Dinah.  To remain up in the trees, with every swing of the rope I must pull the rope toward me.  Instead I begin to descend finally reaching ground level where I allow those who dwell on the land to take me.  They place me in a trash bin to hide me from the tree dwellers who are now looking for me.  Dinah is in the trash bin with me.  I guess they knew I’d come looking for her.

 

The trash bin is on a rail car that begins to move.  They are transporting me somewhere.  They instruct me to keep my head down to remain out of sight from the tree people.  Since I’m with Dinah I’m happy and I remain quiet. 

I then heard my alarm sound.  I reached over, snoozed the alarm and rolled over for a few more precious minutes of sleep.  Before I had even fallen back to sleep I could still clearly see the dream in my minds eye.  I am still on board the moving rail car.  I can see Dinah sleeping next to me disguised as my dog.  Looking at her disguise I’m surprised they didn’t figure it out.  She doesn’t look anything like a real dog.  I chuckle for a moment inwardly. 

 

Wanting to explore my surroundings in this wakeful dream state, I get up out of the trash bin which is empty of any trash.  It was only used to transport us.  I peak over the top and look at the other cars.  I am in what looks to be a mine shaft, some internal caverns probably deep in some mountains.  There are others riding in the other bins.  There is a blond guy in the car in front of me who noticing me turns around to look at me.  I am amazed that this dream figure before me has every facial feature and quality of real life.  He is perfect in ever sense.  Yet it is not someone I have ever seen in this lifetime.  How has my mind constructed such an image?  There is something about him I recognize.  He smiles at me showing me his teeth and playfully makes a face at me. I’m expecting him to say Boo!  He doesn’t.  The more I look at him the more I’m amazed by the experience when suddenly it occurs to me.  This is my face yet not the face I wear in this life.  It’s as if I’m looking in the mirror.  Without a doubt he is me.  My alarm rings a second time. 

The Truth Above A Lie

Video PhoneLast night I had a dream as soon as I laid my head down on my pillow.  In the dream I pick up the phone to call my first partner, now my ex, Jerry who lives in Los Angeles.  I’m waiting for him to answer the phone.  The minute he answers I not only hear his voice but I can see him sitting in his house alone.  He appears to be seated in front of a hidden video camera.  He sits directly in front of me but is unaware that I can see him.  In the background, I can see the furnishings inside his house.  I am confused not knowing how it is possible I can see into his house.  Is this a true representation of his house?  I assume it is not.  What I am seeing must be my own surroundings.  He is completely unaware that I can see him as he is focused solely on our voice conversation. 

I ask him how he is doing and if he is seeing anyone in his life.  He responds by telling me a long story about how he has been alone all this time.  As he is telling me this someone walks down a flight of stairs into the room where he is.  It is a very good looking young man who has apparently overheard our conversation.  He is making a great deal of noise as he walks into the room.  The sound I hear over the phone corresponds with his movement and noise the man is making in the house.  The man evidently is aware of me and wants me to make the connection with the truth.  I hear a distinct voice tell me, “He is lying to you.”  An inner knowing tells me the man in his house is the man he is seeing and what I am seeing is the truth.   

Sleeping On The Train Tracks

Sleeping CarLast night I had a dream where my house is built on the train tracks.  The trains literally pass through my house.  Every night as the trains pass through one by one I am able to see into the sleeping cars and experience what the occupants of each sleeping car are doing.  They appear to pass through my awareness in slow motion such that I am able to get a good glimpse into their lives.  At first the experience of looking into peoples lives is very intriguing but as the nights progress I become very sleep deprived.  I am becoming more and more tired and my vision is becoming tunneled. 

 

There is a man who rides one of the nightly trains.  I am very intrigued with his life so I maintain in my mind a mental image of him.  I specifically look for him at night to pass through.  The house is in need of repair as the air conditioning is no longer functioning.  All the windows in the house are open but there is little relief from the heat of the day.  This  adds to the discomfort of the night. 

 

On this day, I decide to leave the house to try to find someone to repair the air conditioning.  As I step out the front door I turn around to go back as I believe I forgot something in the house.  I am in a hurry.  I can hear the next train approaching.  I am just about to jump the tracks to go back inside when it occurs to me the severity of my approach.  I could be killed by the oncoming train.  Although I can hear the train, I don’t know what track it is traveling on or in which direction it is headed.  I realize I need sleep because my judgment is impaired. 

 

I reach for my cell phone to call my doctor.  My doctor answers the phone and I proceed to explain the circumstances under which I am living.  He tells me I do not need sleep.  Angry with his response, I insist emphasizing our working relationship.  I am his patient and I am the one who is paying for his service and I want him to prescribe some sleeping pills. 

 

At this point, I begin to awaken from the dream. I can now see my bedroom but my vision is still tunneled.  In the tunnel is walking a man through the corridor of the oncoming train.  My first thought is to ask whether this is the man I seek?  Knowing the dream is about to end.  I quickly place his mental image in my mind and rush through the corridor to pass him to get a good look at his face.  As I pass him up I turn around and look squarely into his eyes.  I can see the soul of the man before me.  By this time I am now fully awake.  The man is now standing next to my bed.  He is in fact the same man I’ve been pursuing on the nightly train.  He is the image in my head.  There is a moment of clarity as his image slowly fades. 

What Becomes A Name

GodI’ve been trying to get off of my anti-depressants because I haven’t felt that they are working for me anymore because I’m always depressed.  I began by discontinuing my Prozac and Seroquil and I tried to stop taking my Remeron but couldn’t because I simply couldn’t sleep without it.  During my last trip to visit my family I continued the Remeron while stopping the others and figured I’d work on discontinuing the Remeron once I returned to DC from LA.  The day of our departure back to DC I had a 6am flight.  In order to have enough time to return the car rental and get to the airport on time I had to wake up at 2:30 in the morning. I had had very little sleep.  I thought upon arriving to DC this would be a great opportunity to stop the Remeron because I thought with my body being so tired it would naturally fall asleep with ease.  For the next few nights I did just that and for the most part it worked.  I was Remeron free although my sleep was less than perfect very broken causing me to awaken every few hours but nevertheless I was dreaming so I felt good.  I even had a visitation from a grey bearded gentleman one morning when I awoke I found him standing beside my bed.  He never said a word but simply looked at me and smiled.  I smiled and waved at him and closed my eyes and hoped for sleep.

 

I thought I had licked the Remeron and was on my way to recovery when the migranes started.  This night I took two Excedrin before bed.  The pain was tremendous but I was determined not to fall back on the Remeron.  My sleep was the worst it had been all week but my dreams on the otherhand were incredibly vivid. I was dreaming while awake.  This night I remained 100% lucid for the entire night because I was so close to the surface of conscious awakening.  

 

I journeyed to some of the most incredible places I have ever seen walking through tunnels with lights that pulsated through them.  At one point I wanted to determine where the beautiful lights were originating from that were pulsating through the tunnels.  I discovered these powerful lights in the depths of darkness were emanating from my spirit.  As I moved the lights moved with me.  I was a beacon of light.  The light essence formed walkways before me that had not existed before upon which I could traverse.  Along the walkways appeared heavily wooded cottages with small gardens that were simply beautiful for as far as my eyes could see.  As I moved through the walkway with a clear line of site before me I noticed the cottages at the end of my line of sight moved with every movement I made.  I was amazed.  They are not only absolutely beautiful but they also respond to my beckoning.  As I walk along the winding road I am amazed that the light from my spirit is so bright going forth and illuminating all the gardens.  At one point I pause stopping for a moment then take a few steps backward to see if the light is still responding to my movements, which it is. 

 

After enjoying the gardens I know it is time for me to wake up.  A woman appears to escort me out of the garden and bid me farewell.  She tells me “What you take with you, you may name or you may keep its name and wait 10 yrs.”   

 

With that I awoke in total amazement from within a very light sleep.