What Becomes A Name

GodI’ve been trying to get off of my anti-depressants because I haven’t felt that they are working for me anymore because I’m always depressed.  I began by discontinuing my Prozac and Seroquil and I tried to stop taking my Remeron but couldn’t because I simply couldn’t sleep without it.  During my last trip to visit my family I continued the Remeron while stopping the others and figured I’d work on discontinuing the Remeron once I returned to DC from LA.  The day of our departure back to DC I had a 6am flight.  In order to have enough time to return the car rental and get to the airport on time I had to wake up at 2:30 in the morning. I had had very little sleep.  I thought upon arriving to DC this would be a great opportunity to stop the Remeron because I thought with my body being so tired it would naturally fall asleep with ease.  For the next few nights I did just that and for the most part it worked.  I was Remeron free although my sleep was less than perfect very broken causing me to awaken every few hours but nevertheless I was dreaming so I felt good.  I even had a visitation from a grey bearded gentleman one morning when I awoke I found him standing beside my bed.  He never said a word but simply looked at me and smiled.  I smiled and waved at him and closed my eyes and hoped for sleep.


I thought I had licked the Remeron and was on my way to recovery when the migranes started.  This night I took two Excedrin before bed.  The pain was tremendous but I was determined not to fall back on the Remeron.  My sleep was the worst it had been all week but my dreams on the otherhand were incredibly vivid. I was dreaming while awake.  This night I remained 100% lucid for the entire night because I was so close to the surface of conscious awakening.  


I journeyed to some of the most incredible places I have ever seen walking through tunnels with lights that pulsated through them.  At one point I wanted to determine where the beautiful lights were originating from that were pulsating through the tunnels.  I discovered these powerful lights in the depths of darkness were emanating from my spirit.  As I moved the lights moved with me.  I was a beacon of light.  The light essence formed walkways before me that had not existed before upon which I could traverse.  Along the walkways appeared heavily wooded cottages with small gardens that were simply beautiful for as far as my eyes could see.  As I moved through the walkway with a clear line of site before me I noticed the cottages at the end of my line of sight moved with every movement I made.  I was amazed.  They are not only absolutely beautiful but they also respond to my beckoning.  As I walk along the winding road I am amazed that the light from my spirit is so bright going forth and illuminating all the gardens.  At one point I pause stopping for a moment then take a few steps backward to see if the light is still responding to my movements, which it is. 


After enjoying the gardens I know it is time for me to wake up.  A woman appears to escort me out of the garden and bid me farewell.  She tells me “What you take with you, you may name or you may keep its name and wait 10 yrs.”   


With that I awoke in total amazement from within a very light sleep.

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